Hi,
This is my first time posting and there is so much to say I'm not sure where to begin. Found out 4 weeks ago that my husband has been having an EA/PA? for about a month. They decided to tell me this 3 days after I was fired from my job for some unfounded reasons and my world was already broken apart. I was blown away. I knew that we hadn't been connecting emotionally lately but I couldn't figure out why, now I know... he was connecting with her. She was a friend of mine however we met she and her husband as a couple and began our relationship doing couples activities, slowly it progressed to just he and she chatting but she and I chatted on occasion and she spent time at our house doing girl stuff with me so I didn't think anything of it. WH is 42, I'm 37 OW is 35. She is married and has 3 children and was planning on moving with my WH to Utah in the Spring when he will be transferred in the military. They weren't planning to tell me or her husband until everything was packed up, her husband found out so d-day happened on 10/8/06 instead. I was hurt angry and devastated to say the least.
Since then I've been trying to make the best of it. My family came to help me pack up and finish some projects around my house to help it sell. He slept on the couch at a friends house but a week later came back to me and asked me to stay, he wanted to try to work on our marriage. A week later he admitted he really only wanted me to stay so I wouldn't take the dog with me. I called the MB show and Dr. Harley advised me to go directly to plan B because he was hurting me so much with his words. I am struggling with that but have asked him to move into the guest bedroom for now. We are scheduled to move to Utah in April and I'm hoping to hold out until then because of work. I found a new job and am obligated to stay at least until January. I have asked WH to stop contacting the OW and he never agrees or says no, he just continues to talk to her online and on the phone and hide it. I attempted to install a keylogger program on his computer but he found it right away. The OW husband and I have been in regular contact and he fills me in on what he knows, she tells him almost everything. Unfortunately he tells her too much also and that's how they discovered the keylogger program... she found out and told WH and he found it before I was able to get any information from it.
Two days ago I contacted OW because she had been my friend before to appeal to her. I let her know how much her actions had hurt me personally and asked her why she was doing this. She said she never intended to hurt me or anyone else and was sorry. I asked her to cut off contact with WH and she agreed. I doubt that she will be able to follow through on this, he has been the one to initiate contact with her and she is leaving her husband and 3 children. I don't trust her or WH as far as I can throw them.
Today is WH and I 7th anniversary. We knew each other only 3 weeks when we met and married, I felt I had found my soulmate and the longer I know him the more I love him. He has not reciprocated those feelings. I have been finding out that he has never really been honest with me about anything, he goes along with what other people want rather than create conflict but has been unhappy for several years. He admits he loves me, he's just not "in love" with me... sound familiar? He has been cold and distant and obviously not working on the marriage, it's like I'm torturing him by being in the same room with him. We attended a movie and I tried to hold his hand or touch him and he was repelled by me, the more I tried to touch him, the further away from me he leaned.
He has not said anything to me about the keylogger program... it's been very quiet, no real conversation. I have been trying to follow Plan A, not bring up the relationship, keep the conversation light, try to mee his needs but he has no idea what his needs are and won't let me meet any sexual needs, nor do I really feel the desire to anyway. I have been trying to keep the house clean, provide him with conversation, do things for him that I know he likes... but how far does this go? How long do I continue this before I throw my hands up and say I've had enough, I can't stand to be shunned and avoided so much.
I'm sure I have left out great portions of information so ask away.
PSEagle1 age 37
WH Age 42
d-day 10/8/06
no children
