[color:"purple"] [/color] I am the fws as of 8 months ago was last contact. my bs is having very hard time with the pain and emptiness that she feels inside. does this get any better because she is so depressed and I dont know what to do. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

details would help

how long married?
how long was your A?
what kind of A was it?
what condition was the marriage in before your A?
is there any illness (mental or physical) complicating her recovery?
does she have reason to be worried about you now?

Pep

we are married 2 1/2 years
5 months
4 months emotional
6weeks of physical
good
she was pregant and I left home I came home one night and told her that I didnt love her because I had been lying to her and that I was smoking pot not long after I left I started having an emotional affair and then before I knew it turned physical.

every day

when you wake up and bring your W a cup of coffee in bed (hint hint)

hold her hands and look her in her eyes

ask: Is there anything I can do for you today?

and

when you are at work & have a moment

call her

ask how her day is going

when you get home

ask her if she's tired & needs anything

and offer her a foot rub

every night

before you go to bed

tell her

I will spend the rest of my life being the man, the husband and the father I know you deserve

howz'dat?

Pep

If d-day was 8 months ago, and your wife was pregnant, do you now have a baby? Do you have other children?

TA

Yes he have she was born Nov30 and we have two other childern that are 6 and 4. we have been together seven and a half years now

I wish some one could give me some more ideas to try and help my wife to get through this tuff time. It is coming up on the time that I left last year any ideas of how I can make that day become a special day instead of a day of horrible memories please help

HF,

What did you think of Pep's post? Have you answered every question she has asked? Have you made amends? Do you know why you chose to have an A?

Do you both have weekly UA time? (Undivided Attention)

Have you both done the EN and LB questionnaires? (Emotional Needs and Love Busters)

DDay, the time you left her last year, is really very painful...we re-experience pain as if it is happening all over again. Your idea of changing that memory by making it a special day is awesome. A day of acknowledgment and amends.

You could include massages, make dinner special; wake her up that morning with a card or a long hug; tell her how blessed you feel for her sticking by you, choosing to recover. Own all you know now that you didn't then...find your gratitude points and state them.

Just do what Pep said and you'll be fine.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Worked for me.

LA

I just want to be clear about the timeline and circumstances here.

If the anniversary of your walking out is coming up, presumably that means that you walked out when she was about 8 months pregnant, just a few days before she gave birth, and leaving her to look after two small children? How long were you gone for? Did you return for the birth of your daughter? How did she manage in your absence?

I would be very surprised if your BW was anything but intensely triggered and depressed by this anniversary - it must be raising all sorts of awful memories of a traumatic time in her life. Bad enough for this to happen to any woman, but for it to happen to a heavily pregnant and vulnerable woman is profoundly painful.

I wonder if she might have issues with post-partum depression? Has that possibility been investigated? Has she had any counselling or medication? Is the baby well and healthy?

TA