Here is my sitch in a nutshell...

WH has been gone 2 1/2 years and living with OW 800 miles away. D was filed 1 1/2 years ago. He refuses to settle, claiming I am asking too much...but all I am asking to settle for is what we are already doing. All he has to agree to is our current arrangement, which has been in place for over a year, until our youngest is 18 (three years). Then we sell the house and split equity.

So..he won't settle, but won't do anything about setting a court date to have a judge decide either.I am just about to the point that I am ready to do it myself...but two things are holding me back.

The first is that I may end up getting less in support because WH income has gone done since our orignal agreement (which if he really couldn't afford to pay..dont ya think he would want to get it reduced?)

The second is that I find it hard to believe (and maybe I am fooling myself here), that he would have procrastinated this long if it is truly what he wants.

I am not sure what I am asking, here. Just looking for a little insight, I guess. Does anyone have any ideas how to get him to commit to one thing or another?

As you said, it may not go in your favor but the surest way to get his attention is to get a court date. Most people will avoid court if they can and it sounds like your agreement is pretty much what he wants. If that is the case, he has as much to lose or more than you by going to court. You can always cancel your court date later. But it will get his attention - and action.

Do you need the divorce finalized, for your own sake? If not, leave it the way it is. If financially, you are getting what you would get anyway, you are not losing anything by not being divorced. Actually, you said that you may get less after a divorce settlement.

I am not sure about his motives, but it looks like he may not be so sure about the D himself.

I am just so tired of being in limbo land. Actually, this was a really big problem in our marriage...he inability to make decisions and man up to the consequences. I really think I have lost more respect for him because of his inability to just do what he claims he wants than I have over the affair. Another reason is that I am very uncomfortable with my kids visiting up there and them living together.



If I was totally convinced that was what he wanted...I would. I wish that he would just tell me one way or the other. I sent him an email nearly two weeks ago telling him there was a docket call 12/5 and that would be a good time to set a court date. I asked him if he wanted to do it, or should I?. No response.

Whether you should or not is what you have to decide.

Technically speaking, AFAIK you don't need WH's permission to set a date. You can do that without his permission. People who don't show up for court generally lose by default. Again, you don't necessarily have to follow through and go to court just because you set a date.

Your question was how to get him off the dime. The simple answer is just set the date and let him find out about it.

So if it backfires can I blame you, lol <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Seriously, though deep down I know you are right. Mostly because I know from past experience he doesn't make a decison until he is forced to. I just really resent having to be the one to always make the tough decisions