AGG - I really appreciate the input - thanks.

We were never at the point of using nicknames, so "babydoll" is weird & just unacceptable. I have so many sassy comments that I want to throw back, but I'll just post them here for my amusement only:

"Trust me, you're not qualified to use the term 'babydoll.' Don't call me again."

"Who is this?"

"zzzzz...."

"I'm really busy the next couple of weeks, so I'll call you."

...I'm being silly, but at least it's making me laugh <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hehe, good comebacks. There is always the option of playing along - "Oh, sweetie, my love my light, I shall not sleep until the moment your sweet voice reaches my eagerly awaiting ear through the magic of cellular.. please hurry, sweetcakes!!".

In reality, the most classy response would be to rise way above the mud. If and when he calls, I vote for pretending that nothing was wrong - let him do all the talking, and just let out an occasional "uh ha". And let him talk himself into a dead end, at which point you say "nice talking to you, bye".

AGG

Nev and Co goodday,

If you do not reply then you will fall in the same class as him. I like honesty. I would say: Thanks for the text, now I know that you are alive and ok. I would have appreciated some contact from as per common decency. I will be sad that I am loosing something good, but your lack of respect proof to me that you are willing loose out on something that could have been great. Thank you I had some good times and feelings but please do not contact me.

In the above you take the high ground and you justify to yourself and the player that you will not be treated with out respect. He is seeing if he can get a doormat. But we don’t know his side…..not sure if am interested because he could use his phone after all. I am sure he will try to contact you.

Van

When you've been hurt and plan to end a relationship, the less said, the less you have to regret later. One wants to walk away with one's pride.

Besides, what is there to reply to? He hasn't asked her out, nothing. If, when, he calls, then Nev can say, "Oh, sorry, I've got company." Or "Oh, sorry, I'm running out the door." Or let him talk himself blue, and say "No, thank you," to the opportunity of getting stood up again.

Neverthesame ~

I once read these wise words from someone I listened to:

"Abuse can be a downward spiral, whether the abuse is verbal/emotional or physical. The more you remain in an abusive situation, the more it wears you down, so you unknowingly tolerate a greater degree of abuse, which erodes the abusers respect for you and escalates the abuse, which wears you down further, etc. It's like a frog in boiling water.

There are lots of people in life who get away with controlling, manipulating, or bullying others. They may be quite charming in public or to others. They lie and exaggerate things to justify their bullying & abuse, or they make you feel guilty or wrong to ask for basic things like respect and kindness. When I meet someone like that now, I (politely, but firmly) call them on their game and make it clear I'm not fooled and I won't put up with it."

Do you recognize this at all??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I think it wholly applies to your situation now. It's a form of abuse to not call when you say you will; it's not respectful; it's self-centered; it's clearly not kind!!

Time to say "I'm not fooled and I won't put up with it." Eh?

By the way...nice to know you're still alive!! I have wondered myself with all you've had going on.

Regards,
High Flight

HighFlight -- it's good to hear from you! Yes, I recognize those words. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I think I am worn down a little after these past few months. (There were times when I just broke down & sobbed from all the stress/fear/exhaustion. It's not over yet, but close.) Maybe that's why I was susceptible to this type of person and more tolerant or oblivious to bad behavior.

I think I will come up with a polite & kind response that makes it clear I'm not interested in a relationship with him.

HF -- Hope you are doing well! Anything new?

My understanding of this situation is that after a month of big talk he basically stood you up for a date, and then dropped off the face of the planet for a week. I probably wouldn't reply to his text message, but when and if he called again for a date I'd say

"When you made arrangements for a date and didn't follow up with it, I took this as a lack of respect for my time. This is not the sort of thing I look for in a potential boyfriend, and so I'm afraid that we just don't suit. Thanks for calling."

As a side note, I think he's probably married.

Never...I'm glad to hear you think this through so well. I believe you're right on track with it now. Yes!! Sadness & pain wears us down...warps our better judgment...makes us vulnerable to these sorts of predators.

YOU are waaaay more valuable than this guy gives you credit. I'm glad you're gonna do the right thing here.

By the way. I'll be in Teterboro, NJ / NYC area on 11/21 and 11/22 on a flight. You live near there? I'd be honored to treat you to dinner as a fellow MBer if you're so inclined. This isn't a "date", OK? I know your marriage situation isn't altogether resolved. Besides, I've learned not to date unless or until I'm utterly convinced God is moving BOTH of us in that direction. So it would be a fellow MB pilgrim sharing a friendship-based time together to try to strengthen each other for the long haul ahead.

What do you say? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Regards,
High Flight

HFlight - that sounds great. I tried to get a group of MB people together in this area before, but it didn't work. So, I guess we will start the first annual (or semi-annual or bi-annual or whatever) meeting of MB friends in the NYC area (and we'll eat dutch - no need to treat). I live in the center of the City.

My marriage situation is long over-- divorced for a while now or I wouldn't even consider dating. I did consider yet another reconciliation attempt, except this one post-divorce, but that leopard just can't change his spots (more cheating, lying, etc, etc). I'm not even sure why I considered it, except that I really meant those vows and spoke them both to my H (WexH) and God. Since then, it's been more a question of him stopping by unannounced at work and making threats, along with other odd behavior. I guess he is in between girlfriends and has no one else to abuse. I've taken steps to protect myself, but he has plenty of power on his side, so I pay a high price for standing up to him. Enough said.

Anyway... I won't let you pay, but I do hope we can meet up for dinner. Around what time would you get to the City...

Mornin Neverthesame. I just landed in Richmond, VA. Sounds good. A MB get-together initiative.

Let's see, schedule shows me into Teterboro Airport at 5PM. You're in the City...As flight crew we stay out near Teterboro. Do you need me to come into the City, or do you want to come out to NJ?

Do you still have my email address? I think I still have yours unless it's changed.

I understand, it's dutch. Well, sortof. I'm on an expense account <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Looking forward to it. Will be my first time to meet a fellow MB if it works out.

Take care,
High Flight

I'm excited for you both Nev and HF!

Please update us after your dinner together.

It would be nice if we could "all" meet someday.

Have fun!

Karona

Hey, I'd like to be invited, but I'm away that week.
HF, any other time you'll be around the city?

We get there pretty often. So lets do it again the next time I'm up there OK??!!

Looking forward to it.

Newly or anyone -- I would love to do a NY/NJ/CT/Whatever gathering, if possible.

HF - I don't have a car (it's NYC), but you probably don't have transportation either. I read online that the airport you fly into is only 15-20 minutes from midtown via car. So, it's not too far and we'll have to figure something out -- public transportation or something. Are you willing to come to the City? If not, I'll check out some other options...

Hey Nev, you're correct, I'm piloting our company jet in, so no ground transportation. We ride a crew shuttle van to the hotel. There is a bus line that is close to the hotel I've ridden into the city before. Or would you like to come out to NJ? I'll leave it up to you. The hotel I stay in is near Giants Stadium.

Looking forward to it. Will be interesting to meet a fellow MBer.

High Flight

HF - As a female, I get a little nervous about riding public transportation in the evening to places that are unfamiliar to me. I hate to be a pain, but would you mind meeting in the City?

I understand fully. Lets meet in the City. Why don't you PM me or email me if you still have my address with particulars. I'll let you pick the place since it's your turf <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />