I have a question to you betrayers whose affairs have broken off.<BR>How ar you treating the op if you still have contact with them ? I know you are supposed to undergo withdrawal symptoms, how about anger ?<P>I think my w's responses are strange and I maybe reading too much into them.<P>She keeps talking to me about him, not in good terms but bad. She's called him a pathological liar and a weasel, and how he lacks self esteem, etc.<P>This seems strange to me for somebody that was supposed to be her love of a lifetime and her soulmate. <P>She still talks to him at work and last nite when I called after she got off work, her line was busy. She told me it was him and they were discussing the phone bill as it was high from him calling his w.!<P>I thought that the betrayer would have trouble seeing the op because of the intense feeling they have/had towards op. My w doesn't seem to have that.<P>I'm now wondering if it is as my counselor said that this is an exit affair, kind of a throw away, just a means of getting out of the marriage.<P>She hasn't shown me much concern, not about how I feel, just about her. Shes talking to me like I'm one of her friends now instead as her husband(thats in regards to talking about om). I guess i should feel good that she will talk to me and I don't want her to stop, but it is still painful!<P>I would appreciate any light you all might be able to shed on her behavior.

Sometimes the betrayer bashes the OP in hopes that it will gain them points with the betrayed. It's hard to say in your situation. Hopefully it's not just a break up and spat between them that they'll work out. Have you tried plan A. Worth a shot

RWD it sounds like a conversation your wife had some time ago except that you and the OM were in reverse roles. Keep being her friend and look to deposit those love units.

RWD: I am also LisaG, but yesterday I couldn't use my regular name of Ltaylor for what ever reason. <P>Alot of times I bash the OM to my husband because I know it's what he wants to hear and also to remind myself of what a dog he really is. Sometimes though, when I hear his voice on the phone, I have a hard time remembering. <BR>Lisa

I too have been doing the same thing lately. When I was madly "in love" with the OM I would never bring his name up in front of my husband for fear he would ask me if I still love him and wouldn't be able to answer him honestly.<P>The past couple of days I've been discussing with my husband how much I hate the OM and what a fool I was for falling for him in the first place.<P>I also took everything around the house that reminded me of the OM and threw them out...in front of my husband. My husband said, "What, are you finally breaking up with him?" I think my husband may have been a little hurt that I was still thinking of the OM, but at the same time he's glad I hate him, rather then love him.<P>My husband asked me if I still loved him because I seem to be thinking about him so much. I told him I don't love him anymore and it's just that my ego has been hurt and I feel stupid for what a fool I was.<P>It could be some sort of stage that betrayers go through...replacing love with hate in order to cope with the pain. I'm hoping the next stage is dropping any feeling associated with the OM altogether.<P>I don't know if it was necessarily an exit affair to get out of the marriage. Your wife probably did love the OM at one point...after all, he probably showered her with every emotional need she ever desired. It's hard to resist that and it kind of messes with your head.<P>I'm sorry that it's painful to hear about how your wife now feels about the OM. Try not to hurt too much however. At least she feels comfortable talking to you about it...it sounds like you have a great friendship.<P>Why are they still talking if she thinks so poorly of him? She should be ending all contact with him. The hate feelings could turn around if he says the right thing.

RWD<BR>I was a betrayer and it sounds to me as if she's not done with this. She might want to be, but it doesn't seem that she's there yet. When it's over, it's OVER. As long as there is contact, it's still going on. Read Holly's last sentence. That is so true. My mm and I broke it of at least a dozen times- each time was THE END. I meant it with all my heart, and all he had to do was say the right thing, and wham, I was in the middle of it all over again, even though I HATED him thirty minutes before. She has to stop all contact, and believe me, you'll know when that happens. She will be edgy and restless, cranky, and depressed. You WILL know. Sounds to me as if she's treating you like a woman in an affiar that doesn't want to get caught. And I suppose that is a good sign, I don't think I've ever heard of a throw away affiar. It just sounds to me like she's treating you the way I treated my husband when I was in the middle of my affair. He was my friend, and I'd throw him a bone once in awhile because I knew deep down, I didn't want to lose him. I know, it's not fair. Just hang in there, keep your eyes open.

I have to agree with the others here. I also complained about the OM to my h (before he knew about the affair I worked with him) when we were going through problems such as arguments or if he did something to upset me. If my husband knew about the affair and I mentioned anything to him about the OM he would have hit the roof. When I started getting over the OM I didn't think or talk about him. Nonchalance is the best sign to get from your wife.

W still has contact with om because they have financial arrangments together from living together such as joint savings and checking accounts and I believe credit cards. They also have a $2000 Penney's bill and he bought most of the furniture. <BR>He started taking it out yesterday. She is not sure if he is done or not.<BR>As for it being over, he dumped her at work and she had to have somebody leave that night. If its not over after that, then she is crazy !

Hi RWD -<P>Just jumping in to say "Congrats" on the Tribe beating those Sox!!!!!!<P>Probably see ya with my Yanks next week!! <P>Whatever the outcome.....we won't get mad or gloat at each other - right?<P>LOL!!!!!!<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba