Ok, I need to know what I should do. Just for quick background DH is living in a motel with the OW. They have lived together I guess 2-3weeks now, she has a job in the same town he is working in(1 1hr away from my house)...Anyway we have 2 kids...age 3 1/2 and 2...Tonight DH was supposed to come see the kids....I even changed around my work schedule so I can PLAN A a little better..This morning he leaves a voice mail saying he just got off work(at 830am) and that he is tired and going to sleep...He works overnights from 8pm-8am. Anyways, he was supposed to be coming this evening to see the girls....My guess is that he found out the OW is off from work tonight adn decided he wants to spend time with her...He is off work tonight, Wednesday adn Thursday...and says he will come see them tomorrow..I wanted him to come tonight b/c yes I wanted to see him too and Plan A him........Should I call and tell him it needs to be tonight? Or maybe fib a bit and say the kids won't be home tomorrow? My mother in law babysits when I am at work(which is from 5pm-10pm every night this week except tonigh Im off!), so he would just go to her house to visit them....but ws thinking of telling him my sister is watching them(she lives in another town on the way to my work) and that if not tonight..he wouldnt get to see them?
BTW if that did not work, Id still let MIL keep them tomorrow and let him visit them..Im not oging to shortchange my kids seeing their dad...

So what to do? Is it better he see me and the changes, or that he not see me and we'll say "absences makes the heart grow fonder"? or is that more "out of sight/out of mind" He is still in the fog BIG TIME, but Ive seen glimpses where he's come out of it..

Any advice welcome, Im just not sure! But need it quick as he is asleep right now Im sure at the motel and ill try calling him around 4pm or so.

Thanks!

Can you just tell him tonight is better, w/o giving a reason why?

~ Marsh

Katie:

Sad fact of the matter is that regardless of what you say he is likely not to come tonight. The major priority for WSes is to spend time with the OP, forsaking all others, including their children. YUCK, I know. If you beg him to come or insist for him to come, he is likely to justify this as a reason NOT to come..to be with the person who does not place DEMANDS on him....to be with the person whom he can REALLY HAVE FUN with....I know, YUCK....

Is there anyway that you can get off tomorrow and work tonight instead? I think that's the route that I would take...

Say, "I understand you are tired..the kids surely miss you and will be so happy to see you tomorrow".

No, absence does not make the heart grow fonder at this point for you.

Keep awaiting or arranging OPPORTUNIES to be with him but I would not fall for this bait for you to be set up as being DEMANDING.

My opinion on this....

Thanks. Well cant rearrange my schedule to be off tomorrow b/c I need the money and Im already off tonight so it cant be changed.

I guess I will just have to be ok with it and let him see them tomorrow although I will not be there. I will have already dropped them off for me to get to work before he gets there Im sure unless he comes earlier in the day..which is a possibility since he is off tonight and wont be up all night....didnt think about that.

I think this is what Ill do: Say that's fine you can see them tomorrow, but can you come around after lunch time so they can spend the WHOLE day with you and not just a couple hours at night....That way Ill be home(i dont have to be at work until 5pm...have to leave around 430 to get there) and not off until 10pm..home at 1030...so that way he can spend the day with them and that will be good I guess...if he agrees to come over during the day.

It does make me sad he could think of this OW more than his kids:( I actually met her the other day...he brought her with him to meet me to give me MONEY..I think he was looking for a reaction..and I gave him NONE....I just hope she goes away sooner than later...she's not the type for long term relationships....****** she looks like a crack u know what.

Katie