yup

auto~
I've dated two widowers. I was much the same as you. Being very respectful of them, going at snails pace. They were both genuine good men who spent a great deal of time caring for their wives. The first guy, I didn't see us going into long term and after the 3rd date I let him know how I felt.
The second man, is who I refer to as Mr. 5 Weeks in my replies in other threads. Great guys! Who were ready to move on.
When the time came that they were ready to date, they were ready.
I would say, while being respectful of her, let her take the lead. If you both are interested in each other, let it flow naturally.
She may be in a better place than some divorced at this time.

Good Luck!

Karona

I went on a date once with a widow, and decided it was not for me. For one thing, she mentioned her H a few times too many for my comfort, including how great he was, how she still has a lot of his things, etc. Nothing wrong with that, but it felt creepy to me, like his spirit was still in that house.

More importantly, it was an issue of different "life experiences". To me, having been married and divorced is a set of experiences that is different from being married and then widowed. Having experienced the disappointment of a divorce is very different from having a great marriage. Does not mean that the two are incompatible, but it is different.

To some extent, it's the same as dating someone without kids, if you have them.

How long was she married?

AGG

I agree on the dating somebody without kids. They have had such a different lifestyle that it is hard to relate to them. And somebody who has never been married?? At my age, their lifestyle is so very different that it is a huge chasm between us.

I've been emailing with a widower, we've talked on the phone & will be meeting in the not too distant future I hope.

He has referred to his late wife as his wife not his late wife & she came up in talking about his kids. I don't know what to say. Do I talk about her illness? Do I ask personal questions about their marriage? It doesn't seem right to completely ignore the late wife but OTOH I'm not sure she should be coming along in the getting to know you stage.

I had one date with a widower after emailing & talking on the phone who referred to his wife as his soul mate. Kinda hard to live up to that. It was also clear to me he didn't want anything serious & was perfectly happy to have sex but not be in a committed relationship. We were not a good match, hence the one date. I did ask him personal questions about his marriage which I found helpful.

It would be nice if there were some easily administered test, one you could give without the other person knowing, that would give a clear indication of their readiness to move on & if you will be measured by the late spouse.