Well, I read every link you referred me to and my H is a classic case of P-A. I always feared that he was P-A, but we functioned and got by b/c I always told myself "he's not cheating or beating me, so don't sweat the small stuff...he loves me in his screwed-up way" Well, now I know he has cheated on me and his P-A behavior has cause MAJOR problems. I can't talk to him anymore. Every time I do I get angry and frustrated. I tell myself "fine, I'll play his game and not talk either", but that's exactly what he wants. Then he can go on pretending everything's fine. I mean, how long can I possibly live like this? I'd put up with anything for my kids, but it's getting to the point where I think living together is more harmful. My 3.5 year old feels bad for him b/c she senses the tension (we never fight in front of them), but she senses that I'm mad. She know mommy's angry b/c I'm able to express that. So, she sees me being angry at daddy, and daddy just sits there and takes it. As far as she knows daddy has never done anything wrong. I'm SICK of being the BAD guy. I think I'm beyond trying the suggestions in "getting the angries out" b/c I'm just so angry and frustrated. I'd love to just move on, but I can't right now. How did you live with this? Or didn't you? How do you approach this kind of person??

Is he remorseful? Does he want the marriage to work...be better??

Hi C_S_Mom - go to the second link in my sig line - the one about the MB thread on living with a P/A spouse - and start with page 53. Look for my posts in the bottom half of the page. It's a description of What Actually Worked. I can tell you that things did a real 180 at my house once I understand what P/A behaviour was and what to do about it.

As soon as you can, take the time to read the entire thread. There is fantastic information there from several people. I can't thank them enough.

Let us know how it's going, and hang in there - there are no guarantees, but there is a lot that you can try before giving up.
Mulan

Hi Mulan- I read your thread- sounds like we married the same man. I wish I had gotten this advice 5 years ago when getting my own life would have been a lot easier. But, I agree with your approach. It's very VERY hard not to freak out, but I see that's what he wants. So, I will not engage in those conversations anymore. I will try not to bring up the EA's. I will find a way to get out once a week so he can wonder when I'll be home for once...These are all good ideas and I have resolved to do it. Once I get my 8-month old off the boob, it will be easire to get a life, but until then I will take 3-4 hour breaks. Thanks for the advice...God give me the strength to keep my mouth shut and keep my cool...

hi Mulan,

different folks have different page sizes.

it would be nice if you identified a specific post yourself, and then said "here's a good place to start".

(one cool way to do this, is to pick a post, then use the "email this post" thing, and email yourself. you will then get a link directly to a specific post. Another way i think is to use the "reminder" button, then go to your home area, and copy the link it uses in your reminders area)