I'm currently seperated from my wife of 20 years and heading for divorce. Recently while visiting at her house I had to look for medication for our child. I checked a drawer where she used to keep some medication, but found a "how to" S & M book. While married we did some light playing in this area, but only between the 2 of us and she was always reluctant to advance things to more heavy play. She indicated she wasn't interested in more, either as the giver or receiver. I never pushed the issue. I think she is confiding with a neighbor woman who is also into moderate levels of play. I'm now confused as to why she seems to be interested in something she never wanted to do with me. Its also driving me crazy that she seems to want to do with others what I wanted her to do with me. Does anyone have any similar experience they can offer to help me understand this situation or have any opinion on this?

Thanks

Your feelings are normal and part of the mourning of divorce. It probably isn't about you - it is about her sorting out her feelings and desires. Do your best to detach. Try to concentrate on yourself and the things you need to do - not her.

I know where your coming from though - my Ex went on a bit of a wild side bender during the divorce also including threesomes and such that she said no way to when we were married. I was pissed ! But with some effort and time, it fades and it doesn't bother you anymore because you just won't care !