Well, it's been a while since I posted.

My wife seems to be in a real funk and it seemed as if she was finally coming slightly out of the fog. She hasn't committed fully back to the marriage, but has said that she doesn't want a divorce and it seemed as if she was truly no longer contacting OM.

So the other day I stopped by her school (she's a teacher) and she had after school detention duty. I came about thirty five minutes after school had let out. The OM's car was still in the parking lot. He usually lives as soon as school is out. So I got a little paranoid and decided to put a recorder back in her car to see if anything was going on.

It looks like she decided to clean her car and thus she must have looked under her seat.

Anyway, the recorder is gone and she hasn't said a word to me.

I can't decide how to handle this.

Has anyone ever had this happen? Any suggestions???

Yes, it is not that uncommon for the WS to find out he is being snooped on. There is really nothing TO handle, though, she already knows she is untrustworthy and knows why you put it there. Its just a shame you were put in this position in the first place. Its a horrible thing to be married to an untrustworthy person, isn't it?

Was there anything on the recorder? My lawyer advised me that in the state of MO that is considered wiretapping if you are not involved in the phone conversation and could be punishable by a $10,000 civil action. See if you can find the recorder again, so it cannot be used as evidence against you in any kind of divorce proceeding.

- Jim

I used a recorder in my WW car to confirm her PA with OM. She found out when I told her about it and was upset that I recorded her, but she wasn't remorseful about her act (typical WS behavioiur <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />).

If you can't find it, assume she knows.

Haven't you been at this an awful long time now?

He is a lifer. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I am proud to say that to some degree I am a "lifer". I made a commitment to my wife and my marriage. It turns out it's not the same commitment my wife made, but I made it nonetheless. For my daughter's sake I am willing to stay until I am sure that there is absolutely no chance for my marriage to recover.

I don't know what the future holds and whether my remaining in a bad marriage is or was the right thing to do. I'm just doing the best I can, and if staying in a bad marriage means I get to see my daughter everyday I'll do my best to hang in there.

This recorder thing is wierd. I think most people thing I should just keep my mouth shut and see if she brings it up.

Bill Harley says that most affairs last about 2 yrs. One of my husband's lasted on and off for about 4 yrs.

Dear WW (sounds wayward to me, I hope not),

I know that you recently found the mini recorder I had placed in your car. It is truly unfortunate that I have been placed in the position of doubting you and feeling the need to check on you. However, you have done little in helping to recover our M and even less in helping to restore any trust that I may have in you. You can never imagine how it feels to not trust one you love so dearly. To not be able to trust one that you gave your heart to for fear that they will take it and stomp it flat yet again.
We can end the snooping, and detective work if you choose. I am obviously not James Bond anyway. I, no we, need to comitt to our M, to each other, make the changes, use the principles (MB) and tools (counseling) to move our M forward, to make it into something we both desire. We can do this together. It starts with being completely transparent, honest in all things, communications and a willingness to be an open book. If we neither have anything to hide or be ashamed of this should be extremely easy. This is the only way we can truly start to move forward.

Love,
Grove