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As I had suspected, the affair with OW is now over. XWBF is not revealing any details, said he doesn't want to discuss it. I had a feeling about 5 weeks ago that things had changed, he was ringing more often, and hanging around my home longer than he needed to. OW was no longer hiding down the road whilst he came to pick up DD on Sunday's and he was asking me to join him and DD on their outings.

I found out last night, when XWBF mentioned that he was thinking of moving closer to us so he could spend more time with DD. I asked him outright are you and OW still together, no and I don't want to discuss it, was the response. So yes, affairs do end, even ones that look like they aren't going to. It is pretty much on target for fizzling out within 2 years, this one has been going for 22 months.

I don't know what I feel, a bag of emotions. It now seems to have been pointless all the grief, emotional turmoil that I have been through the last 22 months, and for what? The carnage that it has created has been massive. On a positive note, I have grown as a person, and am now stronger than ever before, I know what I want in a relationship, I know that I can deal with and survive with what appears to be a hopeless and devastating situation thrown my way. I know I can survive as a single parent and look after my DD the very best I can.

For all those that out there, I just wanted to share with you that affairs do end, even if you don't think they will - they do, you just have to sit back and let them take their course.

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Quote:

affairs do end, even ones that look like they aren't going to.




I remember Believer wrote something very similar afew months ago.

My WXH has been living with the OW for 19 months, and the A itself has been ongoing for nearly two years (probably longer, as I think WXH lied when he told me when it had started - I think it started earlier).

I honestly don't think it will ever end, but I guess you also thought that. I guess Believer thought that too.

I wish I still had some kind of 'working' relationship with WXH, but the OW has made that impossible. She acts as if she is my children's natural mother, insists on signing her name on letters about our children, and talks about me as if I were dead.

She is in control of the R - no hiding down the road for her when she and WXH come to collect the kids! She jumps out of the car when they arrive, and crushes the kids in her arms in front of my house.

It's kinda embarrassing.

So the A is over only if she says so. She's too happy playing Momma to quit now.

I am glad about your sitch though, NZ. Even if there is no chance that you and XWBF will reconcile, it's still nice to have the OW out of the way. The air around him must smell so much nicer.

Good luck.

Alph.


Me, BS 37 Him, WXH (Noddy) 40 DD13, DD6 Married 14th August 1993 D/Day 2nd April 05 Noddy left us 3rd April 05, lives with OW (Omelette) 28 Divorce final 6th July '06. Time wounds all heels... - Groucho Marx ...except when it doesn't. - Graycloud
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My XWh & OW had an affair from early 2003 and it finally ended mid 2006. In my heart I knew the affair would never last, even when they got engaged. I would never consider about reconcilliation because I have grown and moved on with my life; I am a stronger person and know what I want in a relationship, and he is not what I want.

I have an on going contact with my XWH because we have children together, but it is much more pleasant now that OW is out of the picture.

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She jumps out of the car when they arrive, and crushes the kids in her arms in front of my house.

If my OM had done that I would have had him murdered by an insulin overdose injected between the toes I SWEAR.

You have sand and calmness I can only aspire to Alph.

* NZgirl, take no notice of what a wayward says, only what they do or what proof you can find.

They lie. Almost can't help themselves.


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Alphin - keep focussing on yourself, the OW in your case sounds like a nightmare, you are certainly handling it very well, much better than I could. I suspect your XWH will grow tired of being controlled eventually. You know what - I look at XWBF now and think what were you thinking, he has lost a great deal, whereas OW was a single women, and didn't risk anything. She has no real idea about the devastation she has caused, she is not a mother, so doesn't understand the impacts of what she has helped create.

Immovingon - you sound like you have got your life back together. The sad thing is that when the affair does end the wayward spouse hasn't gone through any or not much personal development, whereas the BS has generally made a quantum leap. This means that the WS can tend to be unappealing the the BS when the affair has finished.

Bob pure - thanks for your comments, I'm not taking any notice of what he says, for all I know they might be back together in 6 weeks time. As you say, it is his actions that count.

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Alph,

Really hate to thread jack here, but, like Mr. Pure, this really CHAPS MY HIDE!!

""She jumps out of the car when they arrive, and crushes the kids in her arms in front of my house.""

Just curious as to how your daughters react to this and what they think about her.

NZ, glad to hear about the disintegration of the A. Now your X is drifting in his own vacuum realizing what he has lost.

Stay strong.

kirk


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When the affair is ongoing, you lie to yourself & think that nothing else matters. You are in a "fog" and can't see anything clearly.

In my case, we tried to keep it quiet, because we worked together, but the people who did know said they would never have put us (myself & OW) together. That should have been a sign.

Until reality sets in, or you give up & move on (whichever comes first), nothing will change.

We were getting married, and were going to build a new house together. Only the divorce wasn't final yet. Thank God. What a mess that would have been. She sold her condo & we were ready to move in together. One real fight & the A was over, just like that.


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in my heart i never thought the affair would last either....but it still is

and now they have been living together for over 1 1/2 years

i didn't even know they were seeing each other again and here they were living together

i don't get it....i don't think i ever will get it...his sister told me that they were acting like spoiled brats caring only about themselves

but then his family accepted OW because all they want is for my h to be "happy"

gee....and the reason he was depressed was because i found out he had cheated on me

my heart keeps telling me to beleive the affair will end but my head says....they seem pretty "happy" together so far so don't count on it

(oh yeah...my head also tells me that they enjoy laughing at the fact that i THINK it will end!)

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Quote:

in my heart i never thought the affair would last either....but it still is




In all honesty, I think I always knew that my WXH was gone for good. I don't think that the A will necessarily last forever, but he isn't coming back to me. But that isn't what I want now. I don't want him back, but I do want their A to fail.

Quote:

my heart keeps telling me to beleive the affair will end but my head says....they seem pretty "happy" together so far so don't count on it




Appearances are often very deceptive, but I know what you mean, eav. Everyone keeps telling me that they can't really be happy because it's an affair relationship, but I genuinely think that some affair couples really are.

Neither of them think they've done anything wrong. I know this. You had a discussion previously about NPD, and concluded I think that the A had made your WH narcissistic - well, my WXH displayed very strong NPD traits long before the A so I'm kidding myself if I'm expecting any remorse from him, even if the A ends. He'll probably just want sympathy.

As for the OW - perhaps not a candidate for NPD, but very domineering, frighteningly over-confident, sexually aggressive and utterly remorseless. Her enormous sense of entitlement is only matched by WXH's.

Alph.


Me, BS 37 Him, WXH (Noddy) 40 DD13, DD6 Married 14th August 1993 D/Day 2nd April 05 Noddy left us 3rd April 05, lives with OW (Omelette) 28 Divorce final 6th July '06. Time wounds all heels... - Groucho Marx ...except when it doesn't. - Graycloud
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NZGirl -

Glad to hear the affair has ended. Even if they happen to get back together for awhile, the affair is in it's death throes. I forget the statistics, but affairs almost always end. Even if the "lovers" get married, they are doomed. Only something like 1 or 2% stay married.

When kids are involved, it is even more likely to end. I helped raise WH's 4 kids, and 2 of their step-sisters. It was extremely difficult, and ours was NOT an affair marriage - but it ended anyway.

One thing the affairees know is that their partner handles problems, depression, emotional needs, life challenges, etc, by finding a different partner.

Also they have the guilt of the wreakage left in the wake of their affair. No matter how unapologetic they are, no matter how happy they seem, the truth is there. In the wee hours of the night, they think about it.

My WH lived with the OW for 3 years. They were "soulmates". She left her 12 year old daughter to be with him. Now that the affair has ended (I got no details either), she is back with her husband and my WH is depressed and suicidal, drinking his life away.

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sorry to thread-jack:

Prodigal,
I find this Very interesting:

[Quote]One real fight & the A was over, just like that.




Was it the fight itself, or that you just needed an excuse/reality check to see the light???

Just after D-day, I spoke w/OW who told ne:
(re their A):
"we got into an argument 2 Thursdays ago, and he started acting differently, evasive, since then. Said he had things to take care of, stress and wanted to slow down (the R).

I often wonder if my WS *started* an argument in order to end the A, or if the Fight caused him to end it.

I think the former, as THE day they had the fight, is THE day WS asked to move back home. We were already patching things up before that, but that day, is when I consider him coming back to our M.

Sorry for the hijack.


"The grass is not greener over there. The grass is not greener over here. The grass is greener where you water it" -author ?? Me:34 FWH:33 Together 11 yrs. Married 5 D 2yrs old Baby #2 due 5/07 Separated 5/6-7/6 D-day 8/6/06 Working hard towards full recovery and a happy Marriage.
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heck i wouldn't even know if the affair ended unless my H decided to contact me because there is NOT ONE PERSON that we both communicate with anymore

he could have fallen off the edge of the earth and i wouldn't know that either

unless it ends AND he decides that he wants to reach out to me....i won't know

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NZGirl,

So how are you and DD doing?

L.

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Hey Orchid

Thanks for asking. DD and I are doing fine. I have moved on, not looking at getting back with XWBF. He has shown no remorse and seems to think he can be nice again and appears to want to slot back in, without addressing anything. Maybe he is just lonely – I don’t know, but not interested in resuming anything with him as he is.

Not sure what is going on but XWBF was meant to come and see DD on Sunday, he phoned on Saturday evening to say he was sick and probably wouldn’t make it. He would text me in the morning to let me know. He is due at 9am and the text came in at 10:23am saying he still wasn’t well and that he thinks I have passed on the vomit bug that I had early in the week to him and he would call soon to speak to DD. The bug thing is amusing, because my vomiting was due to some dodgy food I ate, and isn’t a bug! He never phoned to speak to DD which is disappointing, she was looking forward to speaking to him after not seeing him. I tried to ring him for DD sake, but couldn’t contact him, phone just rung and went to voicemail eventually, or straight to voicemail. This makes me think that OW is back on the scene after an absence of 6 weeks, why text me when he could call to say he wasn’t coming and why couldn’t I contact him? Maybe something else came up but it is very suspicious. This is a guy who for the last 6 weeks couldn’t get enough of DD and was hanging around my place like a bad smell. So I guess time will reveal what is going on.

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more likely than not he was dumped by his GF and came running back to you.... and this will continue like a yo-yo until you put a stop to it. I know, I have been there. I hope you dump him for good and forge a great life with your daughter. I have done so with my son and don't regtret sending her packing for even a brief moment.

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NZGirl,

You can rest assured that the affair is in its death throws, it was inevitable.

I agree with everyone else, take that precious DD of yours and make a good life for yourselfs.

I wish you all the best.


WTF *** Warning *** Make sure brain is engaged before shifting mouth out of Neutral.
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Thanks all for the well wishes for DD and I. We are forging ahead with our own lives.

I agree - if OW is back on the scene she probably dumped him and he has been trying to work his way back with OW and me at the same time, and it appears OW has relented. But this is all guess work for now, nothing substantiated, but I have a feeling it is right.

I am leaving them to deal with their own mess, I don't want anything to do with it, time for better things.

Thanks again.

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Update - Not sure what is going on really, hard to tell if the A is still over, or ended but back on, or nearly ended after a brief reunion. I don't think OW is living with him now, but I do think they are still in contact.

Right now he isn't spending any more time with DD than our legal agreement states, and hasn't asked for any more time either. I think that maybe his life is starting to spin around a bit.

I am keeping out of the picture and am waiting to see what happens. So no real update I guess.

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NZGirl,

It really doesn't matter what the infidels are doing anymore, if the A is off or on at this time. You can rest assured that the affair is in its death throws. It's a matter of how long they can drag it out.

You are very wise to stay out of the picture. They and their A will implode at some point. It is inevitable.

Stick with your plan and take that precious DD of yours and make a good life for yourselfs.

I wish you all the best.


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Yes it is definitely over - XWBF wants to spend all of Christmas day with DD at my place. Not sure if I want this or not though, maybe part of the day, a whole day at my place might be a bit too much for me.

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