My WXH (henceforth to be known as Noddy because whenever OW speaks, he nods - like those toy doggies in the backs of cars) and OW (Omelette) are spending Christmas this year with exMIL and exFIL at their hotel. I am hoping for some great A-cracking stress for them this year.

Many relationship failures can be attributed to Christmas stress - I'm hoping it's no different for affairs. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Major stress factors:

1) They will have the kids with them. DD13: Uber-hormonal and conflicted; DD6: intense, dark and hyper. Both will be missing me (I hope!) and resenting that I can’t be there.

2) Much alcohol will be drunk. Noddy has a definite drink problem; Omelette is his enabler and drinks a heck of a lot too. ExMIL can also put it away, and she has deep-buried resentment towards Omelette (see below). ExBIL and Noddy have always argued when they’ve had a few – it’s a tradition. But now I’m not there to ‘even things out’ – I would always temper Noddy’s arrogance but all Omelette does is back him up and praise him, feeding his outrageous narcissism.

3) Noddy and Omelette are both smokers. ExMIL hates smoke and won’t let them smoke in the hotel. They are also trying to hide the fact they smoke from DD13 and DD6. Hopefully, there will be a little bit of nicotine-deprivation stress between them. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

4) Noddy’s family hates Omelette. They loved me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> They have accepted Noddy’s bad choices, but resentment towards the Omelette runs very close to the surface. I hope that the alcohol will loosen their tongues a little.

5) ExSIL is pregnant. Like DD13, is Uber-hormonal. Really hates Omelette. She might just blow!

6) Omelette wanted ExMIL to put her parents up at the hotel for Christmas (she’s never spent Christmas without them), which would’ve meant that there wouldn’t be room for ExBIL, SIL and their little boy. ExMIL refused to put them up (Yay!) which means that Omelette might well be pretty depressed without her Momma this year (Ahh, shame <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> ). ExBIL and SIL resent that Omelette didn’t want them at the hotel for Christmas, and Omelette herself might also be feeling resentful towards exMIL. I would love to be a fly on the wall if those two explode. It would be spectacular.

7) The saddest thing is that this will be the last family Christmas ever at the hotel. ExMIL and FIL will be selling it after Christmas. This is a direct result of the affair, and it breaks my heart. ExMIL is only in her mid 50’s and used to be strong as an ox. ExFIL is 60 and disabled, but ExMIL was more than capable of coping on her own with the business. Now, she is suffering from stress-related illnesses, including dangerously high blood-pressure, because of the affair and our marriage break-up. Also, exMIL used the hotel as a hub for family get-togethers – some of our happiest times were spent there. Now that is ruined, it is all over, and however Noddy tries to thrust Omelette into the picture, no matter how much the two of them pretend that things are OK and the same as ever, they just never will be again. I think exMIL’s heart is broken, and she feels there’s no point in carrying on the business any more.

It is very sad. I began this thread light-heartedly, but the fact that my exIL’s have been so deeply affected by the affair is utterly tragic. My girls are forced to spend Christmas without their mother, which is tragic too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I really hope that Christmas this year doesn't go well for Noddy and Omelette. They don't deserve one iota of festive cheer after everything they've done to hurt the entire family. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

{{{{{Alphin & Girls}}}}}}

BTW Alph

I want to tell you how magnificently you have played the cards you have been dealt IMO.NEVER a victim, you fought like a tigress for your family, but when it was clear the A was a manifestation of the true foul nature of your WXH, you had confidence in your motherhood to behave with a dignity towards them that I certainly could never manage in the kids best interests.

Your children have learned grace under pressure from you. A great lesson in a broken situation.

You are walking proof that pushing against mountains to recover a marriage makes a person strong even if the mountain is too stubborn.

And for what it is worth I am very proud of you.

Not your bag I know, but I will Pray that God grants you and the girls a magnificent and peaceful noel, while the infidels receive their due reward of consequence.

Aw, thanks b0b. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You were always my rock when I was going throught the worst. I'm forever grateful.

Alph.

Alph, I agree with everything Bob said. I too know I could not handle my H going off to la la land with OW with the aplomb you have demonstrated. Your girls have an awesome role model in you. God bless you and may you have a lovely Christmas.

AND may the infidels suffer every thing they deserve. he he

Alphin,

What are *you* doing for Christmas?

I wondered the same. What are your plans?

And, more importantly, how's your health at the moment?

Me three. Thanks for a great post. It was so sad to see how the affair has so deeply affected your XILs' lives. I hope things get better for them, too.
Mulan

Alphin:

What is your plan to extract DD's from this if it does explode?

Are you a close by lifeline for them? By cellphone or otherwise?

Have you prepared them for this explosive mixture?

What if nothing happens?

FF,

Thank you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Star*fish, TT and Mulan,

The girls and I are spending the second week of the school vacation with my parents. We are having our own Christmas then. Nice and quiet, without any stress. A week late, but what kid is going to complain about having two Christmases? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Christmas Day for me will be spent alone, I think. I kinda want it that way. Christmas is nothing to me without the children - I'm going to spend the week they are with their dad decorating!

lousygolfer,

DD13 knows she can call me day or night if she needs to talk, but legally the girls must be with their dad over Christmas, however awful it gets (within the bounds of legality, naturally). He is responsible for them during that time, not me. I have no say in what they do when they are with him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

If nothing happens, then that is best for the girls in the short term - Christmas won't be ruined for them. I hope that the A will break up some time, but expect nothing. I've been waiting 1 1/2 years already. As far as I know, they might be part of the 3% that make it.

Alph.

Please don't take this the wrong way... most here know I detest waywards more than most. But now that you are divorced.... I truly hope that the knucklehead ex of yours creats a stable environment for your kids. If that winds up being with his ho... although it is not ideal... I would rather see that than have him go into an even darker place and have that impact the kids. Hopefully when the kids are old enough to do so, they will let the ho know exactly what they think of her... but for now, I truly hope that there can be peace and happiness for the kids sake. After the kids are safely tucked away back where they belong with mom... if the ex and the HO beat the snot out of one another, justice will be done.

Hi mkeverydaycnt. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />



Me too. I know that my post made it sound like I wanted all h*ll to break loose over Christmas, but I genuinely don't want this to happen in front of the kids!

I want them to enjoy their Christmas, truly.

As to whether Noddy and Omelette staying together is better for the kids - well, Noddy is *probably* an alcoholic. The OW enables him, and drinks almost as much as he does. However, if they split up, I'm sure he would plummet into that 'darker place' you speak of.

It's hard to know what is worse. The only thing that will save him is for him to take responsibility and change. The OW certainly doesn't encourage him to look inside himself, I'm afraid.

Any FWS's care to answer?

Just wondering...did you think of your family/miss them at all over the holidays?

I'm hoping WH will, although OW doesn't celebrate Christmas, so who knows how he will react to the whole situation.

I have been wondering the same thing.

Ww's please help.

How did you feel about the bs when the holidays rolled around?
My ww will be taking the kids to mil's this year at Thanksgiving.
That kind of sucks because I thought I could spend at least Friday with them but they will be out of town.

Alphin, if you must be on your own at Xmas, I implore you to do something that will totally distract you from the possible loneliness and upset you might feel.

Why not go and volunteer at the children's hospital or an Old People's Home (if you are well enough). Just a thought. TT

Obviously, I am not a WS/FWS, but this is what Noddy did last year at Christmas.

I mentioned that Omelette had never spent Christmas away from her parents? They live in Spain and she and Noddy flew over there last year and spent the season with them.

The girls and I spent Christmas with MIL at the hotel. BIL and SIL were there with their son. I was still in a state from Noddy leaving, but we had a good time.

Noddy spent the holidays with strict Catholics to whom I had exposed his affair. I sent them a letter telling them that my husband had abandoned his family for their daughter and to please try to influence her to end the affair.

Now, obviously, Omelette will have twisted the story, saying I was mad, saying that we were already separated etc etc otherwise her parents would never have accepted them.

But it still can't have been a comfortable Christmas.

And yes, I know he missed the girls. He always has, ever since he left. I think he misses our family unit, though he would never admit that, and wants to try and replicate it with Omelette - hence his whimpering for shared custody.

I know he doesn't miss me, as a person. He blames me for the affair, for keeping the children from him, for his depression, for his drinking, for exposure, for not being able to sleep at night, for being broke, for losing his self-respect and so on ad infinitum...

Alph.

Hello dear Alphin,

how very convenient for Noddy to be able to blame you for all his own failures and mistakes!
He should really be very thankful for that.
It's so much easier to have someone to blame than to take responsibility for your own actions.

hugs from Brit from the other side of the grey North Sea

Yes, it's sure a blessing for him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

How you doing, brownhair?

Alph.

Hi Alphin,

I'm tiiiiired !!
I quit my old job but still have to work there for at least 2 more weeks.
Meanwhile I have started working for other clients so I'm working 7/7 right now...

X is still together with GF#3 (or was it #4, I lost track).
She seems to be living with him, not officially maybe, but she's there most of the time and has moved her cat in.
I picked up the dog there a week ago and it was very weird to drive away and watch her standing in the door, in the house where I lived just a year before.

I'm still sick to my stomach about how easily X started dating to "replace" me.
After I found out he went to P's again I told him I couldn't go on like this.
It took him exactly one week to go from "Oh no, please don't go, this can't be happening!" to start dating.
It sorta makes you wonder how special and irreplacable I was to him <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />.

Xmas will be with my family (mum, sis & BIL and an uncle maybe).
oh.. and no BF in my life... yet.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Busy is good!

That's how my Christmas is going to be - decorating, decorating, decorating...


Sorry to hear that. Not that you care much (right?) but it certainly doesn't sound like he's reaching deep inside for the answers.


Course you know you are special and irreplacable. He's just not smart enough to see it.

No BF? Well, I've sorta got one - remember 'G'? - and kinda wish I didn't. I haven't been single since I was 17 and really feel the need now.

Alph.