So he was talking to her regularly before and after work and when he was out of town? He was not telling you he was doing all this? He was keeping all this a secret from you?
How do you know he is not talking to her in this manner now? It is easy to get another cell phone, or a calling card.
I think my situation was somewhat similar. When I found out my H was the initiator in almost all the interaction, and when I saw the content of his e-mails to his OW, I just about flipped out.
Together, we decided to go NC. It took a couple days for my H to see just how upset I was and that it was not going to go away. He had thought he could just back away and "normalize" the relationship in order to save OW from feeling bad over losing him as a "friend". Once he saw how devastated I was, he knew he did not care about her feelings, only my feelings and he gladly did the NC letter.
You need to share your feelings with you H. Hopefully, he will agree to go "no contact" with this woman.
You are right, he should not be telling her info about your M and he should not be the one to give her comfort over her problems. They went over the line. There should be no contact.
How does he feel about all this secret contact with her? I think that if I had been "civil" about my feelings, my H also would have loved to just let this all sort of fade away.
But where there has been secrecy and deceit, it does not just fade away. Their relationship is not safe. From what my H and I have read about EAs, it is a "slippery slope". They either stop contact or tend to go physical. People who think they would never have an affair are the most vulerable to EAs.
Talk to H and request NC.
Lake
