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#1767914 11/11/06 01:38 PM
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 2
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Joined: Nov 2006
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Here it goes. My wife is from Michigan and has been gone from there for 20+ years. She is real close with her sister who still lives there and visits her often. About 3 months ago I started noticeing the affection we've always had towards each other, started vanishing. We have drifted apart over the past couple years, with her doing her thing and me doing mine. We have been together for about 20 years and married for 17. We have a daughter who is almost 17. When I mentioned the affection issue to her she said, "I don't know, I'm going through some changes." She will be 43 in December and had a full historectomy 6 years ago. So, I figured maybe she is going through some changes. She went for her papsmear and I had her mention to her gyno the problem with no sexual drive. He said,"It's only been 2 months, after 6 months come see me." So again, maybe. She goes up to Michigan to surprise her sister for her birthday in October and when I try calling her she is cutting me off, doesn't have time to talk, walking out the door to go somewhere, etc. Come to find out she got in contact with a guy she dated 26 years ago as a 16-17 year old and was kind of forced to break up with. She got in contact with him 3 months ago over email. She met with him for dinner when she went up for her sisters b-day, had a few intimate moments with him, didn't sleep with him, but to this day, they are still in touch via email, texting, or on the phone. She says she never lost feeling for this guy over all the years, and now they have been re-ignited. She tells me she needs time by herself to figure out if it's just infatuation or love. I have moved out to give her her time, but right now the ball is in her court and she controls all the shots. I am in limbo, our daughter is devistated beyond belief along with myself. Searching for answers constantly.
Any advice, please don't hesitate.
Thank you for your time!

Joined: May 2006
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Why did you move out??? Have you read everything on this site? You can't plan A if you are out of the home. This is your home too isn't it?? Your wife is in a fog. Why are you letting her fog-think control the situation? Get back into that house. You need to start a good plan A

Is this OM married? Follow the marriage builders plan of plan A and expose this EA, possible PA to the light of day. Affairs are not real life. She is all dreamy-eyed over someone she has not seen in decades. I'm sure she does not even really know him, she just knows how she is feeling over this guy that she has dreamed up in her mind.

This affair isn't about him, it is about her, and her selfishness--fog-think.
Lake


Lake
BW-53
FWH-54
H had EA 3 weeks 06
Married 1977

N C 4-10-06
3 DSs
In Recovery
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Move back to your home today. If she wishes to continue the affair then she has to leave. There must be consequences
to her actions. No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. If the roles were reversed do you think your wife would have been so accommodating and accepting as you?
It is essential that you contact the OM's wife or girlfriend. You need to be proactive. In addition, a trip to the attorney's office would not be a bad idea to understand your legal rights and responsibilities. This may be what is needed to kick your wife out of the fog.

Right now you are sending a message to allow her to choose between a solid 20 year marriage and a fantasy fling. This is unacceptable. By the way I would not believe anything your wife is telling you. If she said that they had a couple of intimate encounter but no sex the chances are pretty good they had sex. She would not be thinking of throwing around a marriage based on a couple of french kisses. I wish you luck.

Joined: Sep 2003
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Move back home for sure. It sounds to me like your wife is going through some kind of mid life crisis.

How has the marriage been for the last 20 years?


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