I have been reading these forums since May when my husband told me that he had had an affair almost 30 years ago.(kind of threw it in my face when he was angry) Is it possible to believe him that he has not had anything else since? I knew that he was having an emotional affair at the time, but was too immature to confront him. He has always complained that I am not sexual enough for him. My IC says he doubts that this was the only time. How would I know? and should I press for more revelation?

Wow, I would think that if there were more affairs, your husband would have mentioned them too.

The sad thing is finding out about an affair 30 years ago is just as hard as finding out it happened last week.

What does your husband mean "not sexual enough"?

By "Not sexual enough" he means not getting it as often as he likes, me not wearing teddys and that sort, me not having orgasm every time, not wanting to do certain things, that sort of thing.

You should not do things that are uncomfortable for you. Wearing teddys shouldn't be a problem.

How is he as a husband?

Over the years he has had a really horrible temper. two years ago he finally agreed to counseling and is taking meds for his temper. He hasn't blown up for almost two years. People tell me that he is very disrespectful of me. That he doesn't treat me well. My married children say the same things. Right now and for the past several weeks, he has been really wonderful, loving, doing things for me complimenting me. We can't talk about the affair because I still have raw feelings and he defends himself (she was perky, and fun, you were depressed). He has said he was sorry for hurting me, not for specifics or for lying for so many years.There wasn't much emotion when he apologized. I get the feeling from him that he thinks I am rather dumb, but if I say anything like this, he denies that and says he thinks I have a good brain. The counselor tells me that Husband can't respect me if he keeps hurting me, like telling me why he had the affair, and why "I should't be jealous",(she was flat chested, and you have a good figure, that's why he broke it off (his words) and why I should just forget about it. Hope I didn't say more than you wanted to know.