My wife, a Christian, whom I married for 2 years Christian fell in love with a brother in Christ who just came to our church for less than 3 months. There romantic relationship started less than 2 months ago and peaked very fast where my wife has that strong emotional tie to him. I suspected something was going on but my wife insisted it was just close friendship. It came to a point where I realize it was not just friendship and I went into her email account and found out that she has fallen in love with that guy. I confronted her and she still denies it. Ever since then, our relationship has been going downhill. The guy sort of stepped aside saying that it was just a close friendship. But my wife is still lingering on the times she has with the guy. So I decided that I will talk to the guy myself which I did. My wife was furious. She said now she only has hostility towards me. She tells me that she don't love me and the reason why she is with me now is because of God. She cannot respond to my love towards her now.

I know I have not been meeting her needs for the past 2 years. The hurt she has been carrying must be very great. And just in the right time a person stepped in a provided her with those needs. We are now still living in the same house but separate room. We don't talk and we don't do anything together. Worst than roommates. I am hanging in there and that I don't know if my wife will eventually leave me because she feel trapped. Please give me some advice as to what I should do beside hanging in there.

e5

I'm sorry you had to come here. First thing I'd like to say is that I was a ww one time so if you find it difficul to talk with a ex ww then thats ok, I know some BS have difficulty with that.

Now you can save your M. Please read up and study on this site about plan A & B and emotional needs, love busters and very very important..please consider obtaining professional advice from the harleys or someone as experienced in marriage counselling. You can get great advice here but remember its from non experts.

Now a few points .....

yes your wife definitely had an affair. Only emotional or more is yet uncertain, however the effect on the M is very much the same.

Her "I don't love you any more I'm only here for 'X' reason" is a classic WW line, we call it fog speak. If she had to admit she does feel love for you then that would mean she has acted in the worst way possible as a wife so she will deny she loves you and even believe that, you see if she is 'in love' all is excused in fog land. Justification.

The only way recovery can begin is for your WW to have complete no contact. I am not too sure if the OM is exactly acting very christian by seducing your wife, it may have been one sided but I doubt it.
While she has any contact the A continues and the M cannot begin to move forward.

You may try to see if the OM will volunteer to avoid your ww even at church, but please be wary most OM are interested in only their own needs.
It may mean he or both of you find another church to attend.

I would also recommend you move this thread to General 11 forum where there is a lot of traffic and a lot of experienced people to advise you

Dont loose heart, you can save this M even if it may seem that for a while you are doing all the work.

remember .. READ READ RAED and contact the harleys or like professionals as well.

e55699,

I'm sorry for what you are going through.

What you are describing is a very typical A.

Are you certain the A is over? Has No contact been established?

You did nothing wrong in talking to the OM.

Your WW is just angry that her fix is gone. (If he really is at all.)

You can NOT trust what either your WW or the OM says. They will lie to keep getting what they want.

Is he married? Does he still attend your church?

~ Marsh

Thanks for the encouragement!

I logically know what I am doing is good for them but my wife is coming back to get me all the time. After I talk to the OM, he said he will not contact my wife. But the problem is that they are in the same ministries. And obviously my wife is refusing to seek any help or go to another church. We don't want to make this a event that alarm the whole church. The OM is a youngster who just started bible school and he is still attending our church because he see no problem. According to him, it was just friendship. And now that the EA is exposed, he just want no part of it. Certainly there has been some exchange love 'unnoticably' between them.

How do I move this to the other forum. Is it the General Question II forum?

Copy your original post and go over to the General II boards and start a thread there.

Who have you exposed to? The leaders in the church need to know so they can fire this guy. Don't be so sure it was just a EA...it may have been a PA as well.

Your WW and he can NEVER have any further contact again.

NEVER.


First make sure the A is over!

Then make sure NC is established, and then you can work on your marriage.

~ Marsh

This post has been moved to General Questions II