I wasn't really going to file for divorce but I got the papers because she had moved out. I just wanted her to see that I wasn't going to wait for her foreever and she decided to get a new boyfriend and slept with him a. SHe came over to my place with hickeys all over her neck and now is going to have her boyfriend pay the filing fee for the divorce. Aarently he won some money for an accident he was in as a kid. So now I am all alone. All because she thought that I had someone else...... Which I don't... Yet..

Abraham...welcome to a place where Radical Honesty is the norm...

Do you want to save your marriage? Live in truth? Come from strength, surety and acceptance?

You can save your marriage...change your life...stop and expose the affair, shine truth onto your life and your marriage, learn marital and personal boundaries, and enforcements...up to you.

Your choice. You set your goal and the rest of us here will jump in with support, our experience...because you're in a terribly painful place.

You are experiencing infidelity and betrayal...the Infidelity General Questions II could aid you greatly in going to Plan A, explaining Plan B...giving you options, hope from real life triumphs...your choice.

If you stay in Divorcing and choose not to save your marriage, will you read up on Love Busters (LBs)? I ask because what she did and what you did is live assumptively...pretended to know what you didn't...manipulate to get what you wanted, rather than live freely, respectfully and without games. In truth.

Glad you're here. I hope you keep posting in whichever forum matches your goal.

You're not alone.

LA

Abraham,

Set your goals, decide for yourself what YOU want to do. Think this through. No quick decisions at this point.

Set your course and we'll give you advise accordingly.

I get the impression that you are both very young. How long have you been married? Do you have any Children? Any special circumstances that need to be considered?

Hang in there. Keep posting and we'll do our best to help.

She came over to drop off medicine for our daughter with fresh hickeys. She hated it when I gave them to her. It makes me feel like ****** and I know she does it on purpose. Why do I feel like that.....

Because you know that she wants you to notice and be hurt.

I have a job for you Abraham, I want you to go out and get a nice blank notebox and some pens (not pencils / not a computer document).

We're going to start keeping a journal. I want you to take the time to write in this daily.

The purpose of this journal is to record your inteactions with your WW. Keep a log of meetings with WW, interactions with DD, needs / schedules / dr appts etc.. etc..

If you keep journaling long enough you WILL start to notice patterns in your WW's behaviour. You will also have a handy log of how YOU are taking care of your DD.

It sounds like your WW has abandoned you and DD for OM. NOT A GOOD POSITION FOR ANY CUSTODY BATTLES! Courts take a very dim view on abandonment.

This journal is your proof of your commitment to your DD! You want to write it in pen so it is not easily modified. You do not want to use a computer document for this because computer documents are easily modified. Good, old fasioned, handwritten logs carry much more weight in courts.

This will be a major advantage to you if it comes down to that.


I'm running out of time for posting tonight. Think about what you want to do about your M and let us know.

We can start formulating a plan based on that tomorrow.

Stay Strong!

I'll Stop my whining now... Sorry for the trouble...

You call that whining? Is that what you did...when she shared her anger, pain or fear...you called it whining?

How about you feel devastated...and many on this board know, remember or are living through that right this moment. You're not alone.

You have a daughter?

You are going to look your daughter in the eye when she's 16 and tell her, "Well, your mom left and had an affair. What could I do?"

Why not fight to save your marriage, Abraham? Why not expose, Plan A and do everything you can so when that day comes, you can say, "I asked for help, took advice, leaned on others when I couldn't stand myself, and I did everything I could to keep our family intact and in love."

Takes time, dedication and a willingness to LEARN. You DJ'd yourself...find out what that is, why you give yourself permission to do it...and see that what humans do to themselves, they do to others...including those they love. Like your daughter.

Listen to WTF...share what's in you...learn it isn't wrong or bad...your feelings are valid. Where you will will double or triple your pain is acting from them.

Choose to act from your beliefs...learn how relationships work, please...now that you know how they don't work when you don't live in truth.

We're in your corner. You are no trouble. Your choice to post here and share and learn benefits countless others you won't ever see. You will be in thoughts and prayers and embraced...because you're human and you asked. Your reached out. Your choice. Your power.

LA

I am feeling a little better now. I had some intresting dreams that put a few things into perspective for me. I am still upset that she doesn't want us to work out anymore, but I need to get over it. I tried to save our marraige. I also caused it to end...

Good to hear back from you Abraham.


Did WW tell you that or is that what you are assuming? The answer to that question is important!



What have you done to try and save your M?



How did you cause this to end?


You stated that your WW stoped by to drop off medicene for your D. Was D just temporarily ill or does she have a chronic condition?

I am assuming that you want to save your M. Are you willing to do the work required? Reconsilliation is NOT easy nor for the non committed.

Full recovery from an affair can take years. Are you committed enough to work this through?

Let us know!

she isn't interested in reconciliation. So I will have to let it go. I wanted to but now I am willing to acept that I screwd up. I shouldn't have let her manuplate me the way she did. It is just hard to deal with her and her new boyfriend.

If you want to try to save your marriage, try to win her back, get on over to General Questions II and start posting there.

Abraham,

I see that you are still posting.

Do you want to give reconsilliation a shot?

yes i do but she isn't intrested. She would rather be with the guy she moved in with her. I told her that I am sorry and tried to explain everything but she just got upset.

Abraham,

I posted a number of questions for you earlier:

Provide us with some answers and we'll start to pull together a plan.

Ive given up on reconciliation. She has told me that she is not interested in being with me at all. Her boyfriend is better in bed and makes her happy too. Those are her words to me. I shouldn't have gotten the damn divorce papers....