so i am new to this and just need some help figuring things out. here is the scenario:

I am having a party with numerous friends and realize that my best friend and my husband are nowhere to be found. i go upstairs and sure enough find them kissing. my whole world just turned upside down. she gets quiet and he acts like nothing happened. i kicked them both out, including her husband who accuses me of being paranoid. then he confirms that an hour or so after they left she confessed to him what had happened. this might not have been so terrible if three weeks earlier i had not accused them and they both completely denied everything. saying how much they both loved me and they would never do that to me. when i asked my husband if he had feelings for her he denied it to the end.

come to find out the following day after i found them together, he has had feelings for her for about 6 months and the day i accused them he told her how he felt.

i can't explain how damn stupid i feel for falling for both of their lies. i even went out to dinner with her and she confirmed how she would never, ever do that to me since she loved me so much. knowing all the while he had confessed his feelings to her. did she tell him maybe you should talk to your wife? nope. did she bother to tell me? nope. did she take herself out of equation and stop talking to him online? nope.

i have to wonder how long this thing between them was really going on and how the ****** i am going to keep myself together let alone my marriage.

any suggestions? i am feeling so helpless, angry and completely worthless and it's killing me on the inside.

ST:

How about some more info. Length of M, your Relationship with H, Kids, Ages, employment status, how you met H, how long you have known OW.

Sorry you have to be here, but you are in the right spot for support. Hang around. It will get better for you.

well we have been dating for over 7 years married for a little over 1, no kids and the ow i have been friends with for almost 10 years.

i just don't understand why this all happened and how i am even going to begin to trust him again

"i am feeling so helpless, angry and completely worthless and it's killing me on the inside. "

This is normal, sorry you are here. This is just the beggining <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

For now please:

1.Read MB site, not only the boards.
2.Read, read and read all you can about Dr. Harleys principals.

First off, you need to talk to your friends H and try to confront what you both have to know what really happened, and if they are both telling you the BS's (betrayed spouses) the truth. Are they sorry for what happened?

second:
What does your H says about this?
Do you want to stay and try to recover your marriage?

Calm down and take care of yourself first.

Nothing makes sense now. And maybe it wont for some time. Depends on your H and how much he will support and be honest to you... I know you can't trust him, but he has now the power to come clean if he tells you everything that really happened, (you can eventually confirm it with OW H.

If you both want to recover, You will be able to trust him again, with time and lots of pain, but it depends on your H actions to make it happen.

Sorry you are here.
Keep posting. There's wonderfull and wise people here with lots of advice.

Be strong. Be yourself.

DONT let anyone BLAME you for what happened. Dont feel guilty about it, Usually one of the first reactions of the BS, "I must have done something bad", I wasn't a good spouse, etc, etc.

You might eventually had problems in your M that let this happen, but there's no excuse to infidelity.

On a good side, you probably catch them on the very beggining. On the other hand, the fact they both told you they loved you and would never do this to you might mean they were living a fantasy, EA, enjoying the secrecy most of all.

ohh, I almost forgot, NC (NO CONTACT) at all between them.

ST, I know what you are feeling...it is awful...I am right there w/ you..if you want to email privately plz do so...I will listen and we can compare notes..LOL

If you have no kids, get out now!!! You think a man will be more committed after kids? I'm a man, run!!! Go on with your life. The tremendous pain will last at least 2 years, after it stops and he is fully remorseful. you can walk away now with no guilt and no children. There is no marriage if he's cheating, a piece of paper is not a marriage. There's no procreation between you two to sustain, LEAVE!!!