Well, I disappeared again for awhile and since then alot has happened in my life. Ill give the short update because I just know im going to hear it from faithful follower about not sticking around again lol

This past Nov 4th was 2 years I have been separated from my W. September 8th we were officially divorced. The whole time we never really stopped talking as some of you know. I think in a way that made it easier on me to see her differently than I ever did before. In my first couple of posts 2 years ago I described the woman I was married to. Not the woman any sensible man would want to marry. Around April of this year I met Kathy. She is the woman every man wants to marry. From the moment I met her I trusted her, which, let me tell you, after what Ive been through, is no small feat. This is the first woman that Ive ever felt that way with. Everyone in her life loves her to death, shes funny and outgoing and very very energetic lol. Going back and reading my posts here and in my paper journal, Ive come to the conclusion that, I dont think I ever really "loved" my X. At least, Ive never felt for her like I do Kathy. I always wanted my X to be a good person and I tried to mold her into that and of course that doesnt work. Kathy is already that person...

After all of the stuff Ive been through with my X, I can say I am definately a better man. Ive let her go. Im focused now on my future that I "hope" to have with Kathy.

Hope, because I may have screwed that up. How? Well let me tell you, I was hanging around with my X, because like I said, we never stopped really. Well thats changed.

It really does feel good to be able to let her go finally, Ive tried so many times before.. It happens though, eventually you get past everything and time heals all wounds, even being angry more than anything. Ill come back and write more later for those who actually read this lol, for now tho, Im happy with how things are and wouldnt change a thing, Ive learned alot through all of this. Everyone does.

Steve! Good to hear from you. I hope things work out for you and Kathy.

LTHW:

So did you have SF with the Ex?

Is that what you are saying with this "Well thats changed"

So thats how you screwed it up with Kathy?

Your post started positive at first and then went somewhere? Where?

My how tihngs can change. Kathy hates me, and the X, now broke up with the man she was seeing and wants to make it work with me. After 2 years and ALOT of ups and downs. Im in an emotional place right now trying to figure out if I even want to try with the X. This is wierd. Im in love with Kathy, although I will probably never see her again, and Im not sure I could ever trust my X again. There are so many lies and hurtful things she did. I dont want to try with the X just for the sake of doing it after trying so hard for so long to get to that point, I dont want it to be a rebound thing either. I want it to be because I was in love with her. maybe Im answering my own question there but, what is it about my X that just keeps me in this place? Sigh.. IM SO CONFUSED lol

lousy, no sf with the X. We just spent some time together while I was with Kathy.. When Kathy asked me if Id seen her I told her no, so I lied to her. After 2 days of it tearing me up I came clean to her but, wasnt good enough. After that is was over for the most part. Soon after she told me she could never trust me again etc and that was about it. Weve talked a couple times but it never went anywhere except her thinking that everything I said or did was a lie. The last straw for Kathy was my X walking in the bar where I was at about a month ago, uninvited of course, in fact, it was my and Kathys friends. Our bar so to speak. Well after that Kathy had had enough. I told her I didnt invite her etc but it didnt matter. Everything happens for a reason right?

If you love Kathy, then fight for her. Don't "settle" for you XW because you blew it with Kathy.

I would love to fight for Kathy. Unfortunately she wont have anything to do with me.. Ive attempted believe me. I tried explaining things to her etc, about all of this and how I really feel inside even tho I lied, Im not a liar, and about what was going on with the X and why, she thinks Im just playing her and thats about it. Shes one of those people who makes a decision and thats it, no deviation. Shes done, shes done. Wont even consider that Im being honest with her about anything. I wish I knew how to fight for her without contacting her but, I dont.

I don't know, maybe you could send her a letter in the mail once a week/month telling her how much you care about her and how you have learned from you mistake and feel free to contact me anytime. Sometimes persistance pays off.

Even if you don't get back with Kathy, don't go running back to the XW. There are more Kathy's out there.