Have been posting sitch under Hang tough or hang it up...
but feel free to comment off the cuff too..

My dearest ***,

I had mentioned to you some weeks back now, that there were things I wanted to say to you, for me, for my own personal reasons, call it getting it off my chest, closure, or whatever.

I would have much preferred to say them to you in person, but maybe this is just as well.

I’ve heard that in a lot of the rehab programs they tell the abusers to apologize to those they have wronged,
I have decided to apply this technique in my own “recovery” process and so I would like to start there.

First and foremost, I am sorry, so very sorry, for any hurtful words that were spoken without thought during an argument or disagreement. I am sorry for any time in our relationship that I made you feel that I was not happy or that I did not love you, nothing then, or now, could be further from the truth. As I once told you I can’t remember a time that I didn’t love you and I can’t imagine a time that I won’t. I am sorry for any day that passed by that you did not know just how truly, deeply, loved you are.

I want you to know how truly sorry I am for those times I should have just calmly said “I appreciate you asking and Yes, something is bothering me but I am not ready to talk about it right now”, whether it had to do with us or not, but didn’t. It isn’t right I know, but it is true that we tend to take out the frustrations of our day to day on the people we are closest to.

I am sorry for the lapse in my ability to communicate with you. You are now and have always been my best friend, and I yours. I should not have let my own insecurities, or fears of rejection become an issue of contention. There should never have been a taboo topic, not between us. Ironically, you are the one person in this world I feel and have always felt I could be me with, the person I feel the most comfortable with, the one person who knows everything, the good, the bad and the ugly.

I am indescribably sorry for my inability to recognize the impact these things had on you sooner.
I hope that you know I could/would never intentionally hurt you or be the cause of your pain. It hurts me immensely to know that I have.

It took me these last couple of months to get over how you could not “just” forgive me and to understand why you would make references to me changing with anger. I can now say I understand your “why now” frustration, and disbelief of my revelation, as you call it. I understand from my own frustration, feeling that I was trying so hard, doing all I could and it wasn’t enough. I saw firsthand what it was to be in your shoes.
I wish I could say with any absolute certainty it was a specific result of this or that, but I can’t.
Maybe it was finally reaching out to others for their opinions, maybe it was the heart wrenching fear of losing the man I love, maybe the work I have done while in therapy, maybe it was divine intervention, I just don’t know.

What I know is that I am truly, truly sorry. What I know is that this is the hardest lesson I have had to learn. What I know is I would give anything to have you love me again, the way you used to, the way I love you still. I still believe that you are my soul mate, that loving you has not been my journey but my destination.

Your loving Wife,

***

I haven't read your other posts, but the letter is very nice. I wish my ex would write a letter like that. To realize and admit how you hurt another person. To put yourself in anothers shoes rather then blaming another exclusively. Makes me want to go to therapy and learn more about why I react in such anger myself. What is your story?

thanks...It's not easy to hold yourself accountable, and not even have it acknowledged, let alone appreciated. My posts are under Hang Tough or hang it up...therapy is hard but it helps...

It’s a beautiful letter. If my ex wrote this I would cry! Tears for joy that she is getting help and tears for my children that they would now have a chance to know their mother. Because she has personality disorders she is a danger (emotional) to yourself and other who are involved in her life. But my ex would never write this type of letter. She never took responsibility for anything she did! There would always be someone else to blame. I know even today, that I am the cause for all her problem. She will believe this until she gets help or until the day she dies. I hope and pray your letter help get you H back.

He didn't say anything more than the usual "why now, why now do you have your revelation when I can't do it anymore".
It doesn't look at all positive if I listen to what he says but people keep telling me not to believe anything he says b/c his feelings will flip flop. who knows what will be.

I am so sorry to hear that. But please give him time and he might come around. I know that I would try to understand if my ex wrote this letter. But I can understand your H as well. It would be very hard to give her a 3th or 4th chance. But please hang in there! Are there children involved?

Thanks, I'm trying to stay strong...against all odds, it seems. no, no children, unless you count the furry 4 legged kind! You don't have to have children to break up a family. I never asked for promises or guarantees, I asked for a chance...Apparently that was too much to ask. So now I just sit & wait for the other shoe to drop I suppose.
Maybe he will realize, maybe he will remember, maybe....