I am breaking things off with the OW...I really believe I can. I am just not ready to discuss with my fiancee.

I feel so bad right now...I can only imagine what I would feel like after telling her.

I realize that this is selfish, but I also have come to realize how selfish I have become...especially the last 7 months of having the A. Yes..I know...I need help.

You can't possibly consider NOT telling your finance. To NOT tell her would be to DEFRAUD her into marrying you. Of course it will all come out. Her H and your finance have a right to know the truth.

It is CRUEL to parade around your finance and your "lovers" husband with them being ignorant. That is cruel, sick and manipulative and needs to stop NOW.

These people have to be told what you have done, Sean. You have no right to keep this secret from them.

Call and get an appt with Steve Harley at MarriageBuilders and he will help you with this. You say you need help, Sean and you do.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html


So what is YOUR PLAN for breaking up with the OW?

Let me try a 2x4 here. DO NOT marry your fiance at this point without first getting to a counselor and working through the A you ARE having. IF YOU DO you will be divorced sooner than later. I PROMISE.

thank you.

My short term goal is to eliminate all non work contact.
Short term I have the holidays and many vacation days available. I hope this helps me get through for now and gives me the strength to do more.

Long term will be to perhaps look for another job.

I second this idea.
Steve harley is the best person to talk to, he will give you the best advice you can get......well, next to me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Jeff

So what are your "feelings" about your fiancee?

Does she deserve this dishonesty?

How can it HURT more to tell her than what you already are doing?

Don't you think that part of you doesn't want to tell her because it will definitely break up the affair and bring it out into the light?

As the others have said, whether you tell her or not, she will most definitely find out about it.

Wow... good friend! Good person. What's next Sean.... I mean you look your "friend" in the eye and fool him.... you risk your fiance's life and happiness...you think you have to keep the secret so you can hold on to your little fantasy life.
I don't know how you look in the mirror. That person staring back at you is acting like a monster right now. If you were a real man, you would beat that monster down and do the right thing for all concerned. Ask all for forgiveness and NEVER see or speak to your "lover" ** gag me!** again. Your fiance will have the choice to do what she feels is in her best interest... your "friend" will have the opportunity to save his marriage so that his kids do not suffer the fate that you have helped bring perilously close! You are screwing with these children's future so that you don't have to look like the bad guy.
Stop being a big puss-e and get this taken care of now.

Sean, I have an email address attached to my profile... feel free to email me as I would like to send you something to consider.

MEDC....ANOTHER MEETING OF THE MINDS BETWEEN US!!!

I think we really do speak the same language..maybe a different dialect!!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Agreed Mimi... I am a no holds barred... in your face communicator... I say what I mean and mean what I say. It rubs some people the wrong way and others just get it.

Thanks for understanding me.

To all:
I am glad I joined this discussion and asked the questions that I did. NO I don't feel better and I know I don't deserve to, but at least I have gotten a dose of reality.

I wish I would have checked in about 6 1/2 months ago.

So stay checked in. Where are you going? If you don't stay checked into here or with a counselor, you will go right back into FANTASYLAND. It doesn't matter that you didn't come here months ago. You are here now.

Sean, more importantly than ending your affair is that your finance and the OW's H are told the truth. They should not go one more day in ignorance. To allow them to remain in the dark is cruel, dangerous and manipulative. That is your FIRST STEP.

They will likely ensure that the affair is stopped and help you in that regard.

REALITY and TRUTH are what your fiancee and OWH need and deserve Sean...YOU MUST GIVE THEM THAT...

WILL YOU TELL YOUR FIANCEE AND OWH THE TRUTH SEAN? WILL YOU DO IT TODAY?

Mrs. W