Started talking with a man (friend of a friend) a couple weeks ago. We went out on our first date last weekend and had a really nice time. We talk everyday and since the weekend is coming up, I asked if he had any plans. He mentioned that he'd like to see me Saturday, yet knew he would be tired after working 3rd shift all week, a 12 hour day on Saturday and having to be at work for 6 on Sunday. He mentioned getting together somewhere for coffee after he gets out of work on Saturday, then mentioned watching a movie at his house as another possibility. The first option would give me an opportunity to go out with friends after (his words). I currently do not have plans for Saturday at all.

I completely understand that he's not up for something more like going to dinner and a movie. I'm leaning more towards the watching a movie scenario and hanging out, yet this would technically only be our 2nd date. Not sure if it's appropriate at this time. I wouldn't mind, if we were out and about doing something, grabbing a coffee as part of the evening. For some reason I'm having difficulty with the thought of just meeting up for coffee, and being on my way after an hour or so.

Any thoughts? Please ask for clarification if needed.

I’d go for the coffee because I like to take things very slowly. I’m also not the type to talk to a man every night on the phone. That feels too intense, too fast for me. If coffee isn’t appealing, and you don’t want the pressure that watching a movie in his home may bring, why not suggest meeting for brunch or a walk in the park followed by coffee on Sunday?

I don't feel pressure going to his house, yet not sure if it's appropriate at this point in time. Unfortunately, Sunday isn't a possibility to get together since he has his child after he gets out of work. So, really, the next time we can get together would possibly be Wednesday. I feel really comfortable talking with him on the phone and would like to get to know him better in person.

This is something internal, so what about it do you have a problem with?

Is it that you only see dating as dinner and movie?

Or that a date can only be at night?

Are you okay taking things slow, sitting down over a cup of coffee where it's quiet and you can talk in person instead of over the phone can be fun. As it gives you the opportunity to get to know the person in a casual place without any pretenses or worrying about getting all dressed up trying to impress them. Where your stressed over it.

And if you find you don't get along in person as well as you do talking on the phone, your not committed to an entire day or evening with the person. So it takes some of that pressure off too. And if you do hit it off then you can make plans at that point to get together later.

I guess whether it's appropriate depends on how fast you want this relationship to move along, and how much you trust this man.

For many men, watching a movie at home with a date means at least some kissing. It also puts you in a very vulnerable position.

I personally wouldn't do it.

I'm a doer - I like to do things...go for a hike, go kayaking, take a drive somewhere, listen to a band, see a movie,...when we talk on the phone, I'm doing stuff around the house. Maybe I just need to relax, focus, and not multitask while having a conversation. I also enjoy just hanging out at home. Hanging out at a coffee shop is a bit foreign to me.

Maybe I should cut back on the phone time since it feels a bit unbalanced compared to our face time.

I do trust him...he was very respectful on our date. And I wouldn't object to some kissing ;-)

Kissing could lead to other things that may be too premature to introduce right now. I recommend the coffee.

If you're having a really good time and it is simply over coffee, you can continue the date and go somewhere else like the mall or a park.

I wouldn't go to his house just yet. Give it a little more time.

Don't think about it too much. Just go and enjoy. Don't analyze it. If it's there, it's there, if it's not, it's not.

Iwouldn't go to his house. I do like the idea of meeting for coffee.

I'm in agreement....I wouldn't go to his house yet either.

I made an innocent mistake once. Invited a date in because the evening had been casual. My intentions were to continue talking and learning about him. He took it as interest and was ready to proceed with the date.

My advice would be, don't put yourself in a position if you're not ready for it yet.

At the same time.....Enjoy!

K.

Thanks everyone - I agree, coffee it is. I'm just not good at this dating stuff. A bit nerve wracking!

Which is why I want you to find a best friend to settle down with, Deserving.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Now, hop to it!

LOL

LA

We went for coffee and had a nice time. We went out a few days later to a movie. We've talked once since that last date, exchanged a few voice mails and that's it. No mention of getting together again.

Wondering if he's just not that into me?!

Well, it could be that or lack of time.

Are there other prospects out there?

I did some speed reading of Dr Phil's book on dating awhile back, I think it's really good although I'm not at the dating point. There's some great tips in there that might help you if you are this new to the game/and naive... Just because he hasn't called or emailed in a few days doesn't mean a lack of interest. It's been a Holiday week, if he's working he's getting caught up and he has kids too.

Take your time, no need to rush. He will understand. Maybe do a little more than just coffee. Go someplace you can have coffee or a glass of wine and dessert.

Okay - it's been a week and no word. I would expect, at the very least, a courtesy call, regardless of the message, since we were talking consistantly. Ugh!

I do hope that nothing bad has happened (either to him or a family member). Part of me wants to leave a message and just say, hope everything is okay, good luck and take care. The other part is just wanting to chalk up yet another dating experience.

I'm taking the holiday season off from dating!!!

Also take into consideration it is the holidays...and if he may be busy w/ family things...with his kids

No ThornedRose, I disagree. I think "Mr.Nice" should call Deserving if just to say hi! That would be the nice thing to do. If I dated a woman and was not interested in a emotional relationship, I would still want to be friends. I would of course explain that to her and then let her deicide the next course of action. just my two cents.

Deserving,

I'm sorry to say this .....here goes...I just don't think he's that into you. If any man has any interest in a woman, he will call; no matter what is going on his his life, he will make the time to call.

I personally think when a man loses interest in a woman, he should be up front instead of being a coward and not make any contacts. There is also a possibility that he is seeing other people, and keeping you on his back burner just in case the others don't work out.

Just dust off and keep going, don't let this get you down. You have to go out there with an attitude that you are out to meet people and to have some clean fun. Do not expect anything, this way you won't be disappointed.

Good luck!

Don't worry, dating is rarely a skill you develop overnight. I hope I don't get "too" good at it.

One thing I have learned about myself is I don't like looong, drawn out periods of "getting to know" someone by email & over the phone. I like to meet & see how we feel in person before developing an incomplete relationship third hand.

Who knows what's up with your guy but don't wait on him. Get out there, converse with others, make some dates with others. If this guy comes back it will be your decision to see him again or not.