WW started to going to DivorceCare with the kids at a new church, she lost most of her friends and now is creating new ones and one of those has invited ehr to DivorceCare program and she is taking the kids..... Wondering if anyone has experience with DivorceCare.... how would it impacta WW??

They tell the kids not to discuss what they talk about ind Kids DivorceCare, I don't like that but I wan't asked if I was okay for the kids to go or not, right now we have shared custody

I went for a number of months. They show films and have discussions about divorce. It is very Christian-based. It is designed for the unfortunate spouse who has to accept divorce rather than the spouse who decides upon divorce. I would guess that the impact would be for the WW to consider just what the impact is of what she is doing.

Respectful

I currently go to divorce care. It is very Christian based and there is a lot of discussion on different things. I have been able to give women the man's perspective on things and vice versa. I really opened the eyes of one woman in explaining her H's behavior.

She has taken his behavior, for example, as stalking. I pointed out to her that he may or may not be stalking, but more likely feels that the only way he can see his kids is to do what he is doing and suddenly appear at places. I told her that I didn't do those things because I knew that she could claim stalking against me, but I could understand what he was feeling. She took it as being about her, I explained it had to do with withdrawl from the kids and the fear of losing his contact with them.

I think that helped open her eyes and that of other women there.

Your WW will be shown from a different standpoint the devastation they have created. Her fog will likely end up making the experience about her, but there is a great deal of talk by the videos about being betrayed and feeling horrible anger towards a WS and coping with it.

Will it help lift the fog? Probably some. If she has any conscience at all it should.

Thanks for the input, one concern on a different point is that the kids (11,9,6) are not getting home until past 9:30 at night. I don't mind her going but the kids are tired every day when the go to school.

So you think if she goes to these meetings that she might have her reality shaken?

She feels that because of our separation that her current lover is protected in gods eyes, or in anyones eyes.

I doubt she'll get much support for the view that her current lover is protected in gods eyes. The very fact that she is going could be an indication that she is seeking the truth. In Catholicism, Satan is described as "The Father of Lies" and she sure is believing a doozer of a lie. There is no substitute for the man she vowed to be faithful to and the father of her children. Could you offer to babysit and get the kids to bed?

Respectful

divorce care for them will be good.

They'll get a lot out of it as well.

Will she have her reality shaken? Hard to say. A WS finds justification for their actions and demonizes their ex, so it is hard to say.

I have encountered women demonizing their H's at divorce care and some of us are there to give them a different perspective and balance.

I let them know that if they initiated the D and the man didn't want it that they could expect to see very odd and angry behavior from the man. I let them know that I was there myself a few months ago, but am in a better place now.

BTW, you know me by a different name. Just letting you know.

what name is that?

I've been going to DivorceCare. It will not be at all supportive of her new relationship. In fact, I can't remember a single tape that didn't warn against getting involved with someone else too quickly. And they are not friendly about adultery, either.

As for the kids, I'm surprised that they don't want them to talk to you about it. You can buy a divorce care workbook, and mine at least has a synopsis page of what they talk about with kids that week, and how to carry the lessons over at home.

They have a website, you can check it out. I don't think they are very secretive. They just stress confidentiality within the group -- I guess I'd compare it to AA in that respect. You can get all the info about the program, what it is, does, how it works, etc., but they won't reveal what a person says in a meeting.

well I doubt if my WW would come out and tell them about her relationship, she has lost a lot of friends already over it. She plays the poor me card to well.... but it usually fails her..... my pastor made the greatest comment when this all started, he told me look back these past 10 years, how many sets of friends has she gone through. She can't keep a friend for more than 2 years before she destorys it or they get tired of the lies or hearing the woooow is me line, usually after someone tells you the 100th time to pull yourself up and take charge and you don't, they get the picture that you like being the victim..... So I only than think that she is telling them how awful I am and how fragile she is.

"I doubt if my WW would come out and tell them about her relationship"


She wouldn't have to. I meant that the tapes and discussions all warn about it, talk about how not only is it wrong, it's not good for you, it makes a D longer and harder to get over, etc. It's a pretty strong theme, she'll get the point whether or not she reveals her relationship.

There are also lots of BS's on the tapes telling their stories. I would imagine that it would make a WS really uncomfortable.

They also talk about not slandering your ex, picking yourself up but also leaving the door open for reconciliation. It really might be a good thing.

In ours, at least half of the class is the video, and the discussion part is pretty well guided and on-topic. Not a ton of time to just play the woe is me game. So maybe it's possible that she'll end up getting something more out of it than just the chance to tell her sob story to a whole new set of sympathizers ....

that is really good to hear, I know its hard for me to not to LB because of the situation.... we are in court proceedings now so its makes her feel I am attacking her, but i am truly trying to get what is best for the kids.

Careful she doesn't start spying on you on MB and attempts to use your posts against you.

I bet she won't last in Divorce Care. Too much dose of the truth. The guilt may become too much.

Welcome back MD.

Good to see your posting again because you are very helpful to others.
Jeff

VR,

You may want to consider letting the head of the DivorceCare group where she goes know of your situation (i.e., exposure) and seek their support/assistance to direct her on the right path.....

Regards,

BB

Brit,

I was thinking of that, but since I am in PLAN B (modified) I don't want to drill into it anymore, I exposed all I could - she hold the affair out in public, or at least talks about it....OM is in NY and pretty much wont come down to NC.

MB could you email me at bh@cisco.com with your identity.

bump for more input

I've been attending Divorce care locally and agree with everyone here-your WW will get a huge dose of the bible's truth's about divorce-and hear the stories of many BS's. In addition, there is a session devoted completely to kids and divorce. It talks about their pain and confusion, about not bringing new people into their lives, and you hear their stories as well.

She may not make it there long-but I truly do believe God's word is never wasted.

Divorce Care for Kids (DC4K) is a well structured program. Don't worry that your kids are told not to share with you. They just need to have a place they can talk and learn and feel safe about sharing their feelings. It's about what they are going through.

Hang in there.

OT: Johnstwin - I hope you are continuing to win your health battle. I'm sure sometimes it is an uphill struggle but, hey, look at Kylie Minogue. Really hope you are doing well. TT