Believer,

this cc46, but I had to change my name because it was impossible to get into GQII. I wrote to Tempest about a month ago but I haven't had a response so I logged on again with a new name in order to write to you!

I read in another post that you mention that your WS's A is over after 3 1/2 years. Has he actually separated from the OW? What is his life like now?

I'm curious because as you may remember, my WH's A has been going on for who knows how long but at least nearly 2 years since I found out and exposed it.

I hope you don't mind the question...Being in plan B for so long is hard but I know you did it!

Hi!!! The 3 and a half year affair came to a sudden end. But I still don't know any of the details. OW moved home. I asked her BH what was happening, and he said she needed to save gas money - that his home was closer to her work than my WH's home. That was several months ago.

WH started constantly coming over and saying he was sorry, and wanted to get back together. He even had the nerve to tell me that I got what I wanted - the affair was over.

I told him "No Thankyou, Have a Nice Life Honey". I haven't talked to him in a couple of months - but his daughter is worried about him. She says he is depressed, never does any family things anymore, and hangs out at the bar.

Hi CC,
Hi Believer.

I hope you are both well and happy.

I'd tease you both, but I can't think of what to tease you about.

SS

Thank you Believer. It's comforting to know that Dr. Harley is right. I listen to him every day and he always says that the chances of an affair surviving are under 5% but he also says that the BS has the right to divorce on finding out about the affair.

The last I had understood of your situation, your WH was having problems and had asked for your forgiveness but was still living with the OW.

I also believe that it is very important for the BS not to DJ, or have angry outbursts, both for their own sake and for the WS's sake. It's best for both.

I will try to follow your example, you are admirable!

SS, you've already caught me in my new personality!!!!!!!!
Are you Big Brother?

Hi CC:

Good to hear from you.

Have you discovered any new computer games?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

CC -

Yes, he was asking to come back while still living with the OW. I really never thought the affair would end. It went so long, and WH left and had nothing to do with me anymore.

At one time, all I wanted in the world was to reconcile. But as time passed, I lost my love for him. If we had young kids, I hope I would try harder, but they are all grown. My life is much happier without him. I hardly even think about him anymore.

OW's husband is trying to work things out. He said he would never take her back, but she is living there now.

Hi cc!

Great to 'hear' from you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You've stuck with plan B far longer than I ever could - I've always admired you!

I don't know if you noticed, but NZgirl's exBF's affair has just blown up too - another affair that looked like it would never end (he's still back and forward, but the A is in it's death throes).

Hope things are well for you.

Alph.

Hi Mimi and Alphin!

I don't read much anymore. Part of the reason is that I can't access MB from work. Then when I get home I prefer to listen to Dr. Harley, which takes some 3 hours per day!
And also, I'm now back to figuring out myself more than trying to "help" others.

I see Mimi, that you are very active, and I'm glad for all the newbies that you are.

Alphin, I had help from WS in order to do plan B well: he never complained, he never talked!!!!! never admitted the A. Although he has been "living" with OW he doesn't call it an A.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

He is a stange one for sure, but then he always has been. I predicted from the start that this would take a long time. You see, when we started dating he had just left a 7 year relationship, and a few months later I found him with his exGF who had become his GF again and I instinctively plan Bd him (without even knowing about MB). Nothing was said at the time, he didn't offer any explanations and I only asked once.
Two years later we met at a wedding and he was single again. He asked me out and I agreed but a couple of days later I left for my holidays without a specific return date. I was away for more than a month. I didn't even think of him. The day before I was to come back he called which means that he had the guts to call my home and find out the telephone number of where I was staying...

He never talked about his ex or what he had done to me. I don't remember any apology. He just refused to talk.The same he is doing now. Only 20 years, a whole life and 3 children later.

I feel fortunate to have had all these months to learn and grow, and now I won't repeat the past mistakes. His silence is not acceptable anymore.

On the other hand I have come to a plan for myself which I feel comfortable with. He will always be my husband, because that's what I feel and because that's what my faith says. So I have to wait for him "until death do us part" but I am very sure that I would not take him back unless he is capable of being the husband I deserve. It has taken me a long time to get here, but I am convinced it's the right thing for me.

I know many believe I should divorce him and find somebody else. My daughters want that, they have told me. But I believe in Christian Marriage and I wouldn't be comfortable giving up and I can't be comfortable with another man, at least not yet.

If he decided to divorce and marry the OW I might change my feelings, but in the meantime I can't.

I can't complain. He is financially responsible for everything, even the infidelity books I buy over the internet!

I believe I'm lucky, or from another point of view (that Mimi would understand), I have God's grace. I always have.No other way I can think of to explain all the "coincidences".

I have had to learn patience though<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

In the meantime I am also struggling with my job, so I have other things to take my mind off the situation every now and then.



Mimi, I'm still playing tumblebugs<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> stubborn, persistant, dogged, huh? I am now on level 12, have been for months but hopefully soon I'll be able to conquer it and since it's the last level I will have to find something else. At work I play minesweeper, it has a hypnotic effect which goes well with listening to music.

Any suggestions for the futur?
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Alphin, as long as you did what was best according to your knowledge and beliefs at the moment, you did right. In your case I think you did what was right. Have HOPE, things WILL get better and I'm sure you will be happy again. You are a lovely vibrant person and I'm sure you will find a path that suits you and will bring you satisfaction. Serenity and patience are needed. Have you started writing yet?

You have those two children to think of, they are the most important thing in your life, and they will reward you when you least expect it.

So true. Just the other day, my hormonal DD13 told me I was a great mother, totally out of the blue.

I nearly fell over.


I understand. Is WH a practising Catholic? Would he feel uncomfortable about divorcing you even though he is living with another woman?


This is a major advantage. I wonder what the OW thinks about that?


{{cc}}

Alph.

When you leat expect it! That's the way it is. You would never guess what they remember or look at or appreciate.


He was brought up Catholic. He cannot deny it. Just a few months ago he went to his nephew's first communion.

I think OW was a practising Catholic too<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> At least I heard that one of her best friend was studying to be a Catholic priest!


I don't wonder. I think she is too busy spending money and he probably doesn't tell her. He's wise in ways of concealing his spending, the A taught him how and what to do so that the "other" one doesn't find out.!!!!!!!
And he can always say it's for his daughters.....