Many on this board know me and my never ending saga. My question is on Forgiveness..I have forgiven my WH in my mind and my heart. Unfortunately, my M is over and there is no hope left of saving it. We still share the same home but that's it..Some day we will live separately and will D but I have no idea when that will happen.

Anyway, I was in church yesterday ( I dont' go often) BUT I have noticed that ever since all this started over 3 years ago, whenever I recite the Lords Prayer, and I have to say, "Forgive those that have trespassed against us..." my eyes swell with tears and I can hardly say the words. even typing them now, brings tears.

I truly cannot forgive the many MOW/OW that have stepped into my M and have hurt me to my very core. Yet, I have been able to forgive WH. WHY???? Why can't I forgive these MOW/OW??? Do I need to forgive them so I can be in a better emotional state??? How do I forgive them? It just seems that I can't do it...When I think of these MOW/OW they turn my stomach. The only relief I get is when WH cheats on them with another one or I find out he has been hitting the strip bars again. His actions against them (and they dont' even know it) makes me glo, that I'm not the only one he crap on..

So does anyone know if I need to forgive them and if I do, how do I do it????

HUGS

I went and saw my priest about this (and other things). He said you don't have to forgive the sin; forgive the sinner. Watch "The Passion" and realize that Jesus forgave those who tortured and killed him. What we're going through hurts...a lot, but is minor compared to what could be. Try to find something positive that's come of all this. Such as: you're much stronger than you ever thought you could be, you are learning who's "real" in your world, YOU could be in a worse place (would you ever want to BE the OW?). I hate to say this, but I'd much rather be in my shoes than hers...at least I can look myself in the mirror...and I LIKE WHO I AM.

Holding onto your animosity towards her only hurt YOU.

The only positive thing I see in my WH many affairs - is that if we could have worked this out - I would never settle for the type of M we had b-4 I was aware of his A's.

Yes, I am stronger BUT I dont' like how strong I have become. I am cold and distant. I fear for my emotional welfare. I can't give to others emotionally.I won't let anyone get too close to me. I now understand SF without emotional attachement. These are not good traits but I now "own them". If we would have separated years ago, maybe I would not have hardened so much, but I have because I had to protect myself from further damage by him.

As for being a OW..Other womens' partners were always a No-No to me...

Hugs

IH,

I don't know the details of your story, but I do understand your bitterness. The loss of the purity of your love for your H. I'm still very early in this sad game I've been dragged into, but at this moment I refuse to be a VICTIM of it any longer. I have my children and my life; I am here for a purpose. I don't know how things will turn out with my H as of yet...we're still struggling on our rollercoaster.

I do say many prayers and read a lot of books to help me get through this as a better person.

I hope your Hope and Joy come back into your life and that you're will to let them in.

I could have written this.

I am also looking for a way to forgive - but I must say that I don't feel the same bitterness towards the OW as I do towards my ex - after all, it was him who betrayed me - the OW didn't know me from Adam.

My ex left me for the OW - it's the emotional betrayal that killed me inside - SF hardly even figured. I know he loves her in a way that he never loved me. In that sense then, I guess I resent the OW because I am jealous of his feelings for her.

But the coldness inside - I so understand. I don't feel I could ever love again - nor do I want to. It's much safer this way!

{{{ITHURTS}}}

Alph.

Alphin,

Don't be so sure that he loves her anymore than he loved you or in a more special way. This is what affairs do to people. They get a "rush" off one another much like you got and your husband got when you first met. It's the feelings of newness, infatuation, brain chemicals combined with the deception, secrecy (think having sex on a hotel balcony at midnight), passion, etc that creates this monster that nothing can live up to. It's why women will leave infants, toddlers (men too) in order to be with other person. Unfortunately when real life kicks in and the brain chemcials start to wear off, the fog lifts and so on they will see that they had a run of the mill affair and lost everything in the process. Only a handful of a 100 of these affair marriages last more than 5 years. You WH or my EX WW may be one of those but I doubt it (at least on my side). There's a much better chance that they will be another statistic within 5 years. Too bad they will have given up everything and everyone for a two bit, sleazy affair with a loser OP that they that was their soulmate.