GG,

Bottom line.....you have to live with your decisions. I sense a lot of second guessing on your part but the real excitement comes from a possible reapproachment from your ExW. I have always said that virtually ALL WS's could repair their relationship if they took the attitude " Whatever it takes, for as long as it takes"

Also, you could fill the Library of Congress trying to explain your relationship to your Ex and all of us here would barely have an inkling as to it's true nature.

Best of luck.

Folks...I appreciate your input.

I am tired...I've got a long way to drive tomorrow. I'm going to try to make it to Memphis.

I'll be back...perhaps this will all get a little clearer with the passage of some time.

Ann flys back home tomorrow.

Georgia

FGG,

Well my friend it is a "fine kettle of fish" you find yourself in. Very complicated, very emotional, no obvious way to go. Sounds dreadful doesn't it?

Well, it is not. It has been my observation that every time I came to a major decision point in my life where I was sort of in your position...the decision was really made for me. I just had to be still and look at the data and the facts. These things will become clear to you, have patience.

I would suggest that you think of a plan by which you gather the information you need to make the decisions and then show patience in executing it. It may become very obvious that Ann is the one. It may become obvious that your exW is truly out of the fog and does love you. OR it may become obvious that neither woman is for you, or yours to love.

Slow down and take your time. Give your thinking and your feelings time to synch. up. Pray, contemplate but most of all keep your eyes open. I think you will come to a point where the BEST decision will come to you.

God Bless,

JL

Clear mind, calm heart and lots of patience. You may not have to decide. Someone may be doing that for you already.

As for the WS making a comeback, be careful. From what I read it is her needs she is interested having met not yours. It is still in the me-ism stage which makes this a very dangerous place t/b.

In regards to Ann, take it slow. She isn't ready and neither are you. You both like each other but not enough to give your up your current livestyles. That's quite telling. Yet time may make the heart grow fonder at the very least, if that time is well spent, you w/b wiser.

take care,
L.

Well FGG you have painted yourself into a bit of a corner.

I can only suggest you STOP right now from committing to Anne or Xw or anyone and take the time to find yourself first.

Anne does not sound from your post she is at all ready to commit, I have to wonder are you?

One thing I will say though is NEVER marry Anne to avoid hurting her. THAT would hurt her so much more than drawing back until you know what you really want. As you said Anne may want to call it all off anyway.

While wishing that you find all the happiness in the world, this rethink by Anne and yourself may be a blessing in disguise if as it appears both of you are feeling uneasy about giving up so much of your past and present relationships.

Maybe you are both just not ready to say a final goodbye to the past, maybe you both don't want to.
However I would suggest you need to talk to Anne asap or as soon as she is ready to talk no matter which of you wish to reconsider.

But I still wish you all the best.

Good morning all....

I think the wise counsel here can be summarized as patience and time. I really don't know what's next, but amazingly enough I'm not feeling in a panic about it.

If anything...I would wrap up my thoughts as this:

1. The idea of marrying Ann is almost intoxicating. The idea of US living on the mini-ranch we looked at in Georgia, which at the time she was in total agreement with...seems like a dream.

2. The idea of living with Ann in Ca for the rest of my life...I need to have some time to really consider that one..

3. Jumping back in with xW scares me to death...but the outcome could be wonderful. She IS the love of my life...

4. The thought of having my FAMILY back together is exhilirating. One family, our boys....future grandkids...that is who I am...

But...I know this will work out in time. I really am ready to see...and be patient. No more committment talk to either right now.

xW was leaving town today to go to her parents.

I'm off to Memphis....

anyone know any good bar-b-que spots?

Georgia

I hear Corky's is really good!

http://www.corkysbbq.com/

Be safe out there...

FGG:

I like the painted in corner analogy.

You have made committments to Ann.

And then xWW calls.

No, you do not have to do anything.

This has been a tough week.

Ann's daughter is getting Married and that creates alot of turbulance, and then, her father dies.

Ann backing up in the R is expected. Look at what is going on.

Ex calling you, and you talking for 3 hours, may just be her realization that she really screwed up. And with kids, etc, it is not unlikely that you are talking to her anyway.

The Ex is grasping that she will really lose you to Ann. And she's making a play. Her denial of the hurtful statements that she has made to you in the past clearly indicate to me that she is just reacting. Nothin' new there for you. COntinue the conversation or not, your choice. But I do not feel that she has reformed in the least.

And call Ann. Can't hurt. She is hurting now, with the loss of her Father, her Husband, and now maybe even you. So follow up with her. Maybe you will not get married, but there is something there isn't there? Explore that.

Do you have to sort out where you two might live? Yes. Because you are a long ways away. And how she acts with all of her family around, much satisfaction and admiration. Just take it slow.

Don't worry about MEDC. He's got a mountaintop that he likes. I've got mine. And you do need to be honest with Ann.

As for me, I could have never left my BS, because I wanted the things that you described with ExW. Your boys, grand kids, and growing old. Same here. But when busted, I realized the hurt I had caused BS. And changed my behaviors to lessen that hurt, and to make her hopeful for the future. You ExW never did that. Isn't doing it now.

Georgia,

Reading your posts I come away thinking of a few things. I don't get the impression that marrying ann right now is the right thing to do at this time. It could be down the road, but not right now. You don't wish to be living in the shadow of another man. If she can express to you that love with you is totally different than it was with her dead H, that would be a different thing.

As far as your ex goes, I would walk with a great deal of caution. My dad went back and said similar things to my mother after their D and they were married for 25 years. Do I think he changed and saw his mistake? Yep. I think he did and he regrets what he did and he probably wishes he could undo it.

Now you're in a unique position. You could amicably end this engagement with Ann, which sounds like it would be the right thing to do for now and you could continue talking to your ex to find out what she's thinking. I would be thrilled to have my exW come back to me and say the things she's saying to you. I don't expect it, nor do I think I would necessarily respond to it, but I would welcome it.

Continue talking to her. Find out what she feels and thinks. If she owns up to all the things she did, that's a very positive thing. If she is willing to recommit and dive into things with a full committment to the MB principles, then you could very well have the marriage you wanted.

I don't believe in not forgiving. I believe it could be a great thing to do. Only you have been the one that has been through the gauntlet and could say one way or the other what you feel is right. Forgiveness is a choice you have to make and one which can be liberating, esepecially when you have a truly contrite exW asking for forgiveness.

I envy your position, but understand it will be a hard choice either way.

Good luck.

Gee

it is actually wonderful that life offers you so many options GG

I don't see anything to be upset about
you have not done anything immoral or illegal ... you might be emotionally ahead of yourself ... but I see that is coming to an end about now

so anywho ... enjoy making this decision

REALLY

life is good is it not?

Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I must have missed the thread where GG broke off the engagement with Ann.

you didn't miss anything believer... people here just are failing to look at the facts as presented by Georgia himself. They are refsuing to look at his own words earlier in this thread and are giving him a free ride to treat someone with no consideration and compassion. There are people on these boards that think that before M... dating is a free for all and that no act, no matter how hurtful it is to another, is fair and not immoral. They are dead wrong.

Sorry, slightly OT but I cannot help it.

This thread with its title "You're not going to believe it" was at the top of the page when I logged in. And the last poster was "Believer".

Just thought that rather nice.

So I waited until another poster added to the thread before mentioning it.

So, maybe now I'll read it and see what there is to believe...

With prayers,

Believer:

Georgia said this..to me this sounds like it was Ann's decision:

The man is ENGAGED, but "still looking". CREEPY.

And now it will be "spun" to be the fault of his fiancee.

Even creepier.

And what Georgia said FIRST was entirely different. As I said, this just looks like dressing up the pig.

Or putting a bow on a turd........

So, FGG, a question or three.

Have you ever actually been without a woman on your figurative arm for an appreciable length of time?

I know several guys like this, I hope you are not like them.

I mean, while separated from your xW and before your were even D you went through, I lost count, at least two women. And now Ann. It's a veritable revolving door soap opera at times.

Why do you need a constant female companion? Have you ever been on your own, meeting your own ENs? Try it for a while. It will be very good for you.

It may be that fewer people (women are people too) will be getting hurt for a while.

I ask this not to be mean, but to show you there is a better way. Become happy with yourself, then the other person (even when it's a woman) is a blessing.

With prayers,


PS: I have to say I don't want any of my sisters meeting you.

Space, FGG.

You will benefit from having some serious distance between you and female kind in general for a while. There are women who will benefit too.

Leave enough room between you and women for the holy spirit, as the dance chaperons used to say.

With prayers,