I feel strange posting like this, but after the shock of discovering my husband cheating this past week I really just need some advice. We have been married for 4 years and together for 8. I have felt for some time that I was being lied to. I never had any specific evidence, just a gut feeling and a lot of missing time. I would always ask a lot of questions, but he always seemed to have the right answers to put a stop to all my questions. Two weeks ago I found his private email open on our computer. I didn't think twice about looking. To my horror I discovered that for the last year he has been cheating on me with several different women. After about a week of investigating I have discovered enough to make me physically ill. One of the women he met through work, one is an old girlfriend who recently moved back to the area from out of state, one he met online, and one is a mother whose children attend the school my husband works at. All are married. My husband is a police officer and has been working varied shifts most of his career. Two years ago he took a job as a school resource officer in a high school. I thought at the time that this was to spend more time with our daughter (she is 2) and me, but shortly after he took the job I began seeing changes in him. He found reasons to spend time away from us, he signed up for a hockey intramural league, he took second jobs, he spent time with old friends...all of this was lies. He used this time and my trust to meet these women. One of whom he is still seeing (the married mother with 2 kids in his school). I have not let on that I know what is going on. I thought that I would be able to discover his intentions through investigating the exent of his infidelity...all I have found shows me that everything we had is dead. How am I to determine whether our marriage is worth saving? I find it difficult to sift through the lies, all I find are more and more lies. One of the women got pregnant as a result of their relationship and he severed all ties with her calling her lying and crazy. The pregnancy was terminated, but he spoke of this to one of the other women he was with in the coldest most cruel way imagineable. Absolutely no remorse on his part, and he placed all the blame on her. Reading those emails made me realize that the person I thought my husband was is a lie. Nothing that we had is reality. The good honest cop, husband, father I knew was not capable of doing the things he has done. I do not understand why he is maintaining a relationship with me given his behavior. It would seem that he would like to live a single life? I loved my husband, and put everything I had into our relationship. Should I just walk away? I have yet to confront him, I am still gathering evidence and moving money around in case this is situation proceeds towards divorce. How am I to know how he really feels about our marriage? If he was to devote himself to his family how would I trust that? Any advice?

First off welcome to MB, I am sorry that you have to be here in the first place.

My advice to you is to get hard copies of all these emails and keep them someplace safe, preferably not in your house where he has physical access to them. I can guarantee you that once you confront him, any evidence will be disposed of very quickly. There are of others on here that will be able to give you much more advice and support that your going to need for the coming days.

I wish you and your family the best and again, I'm sorry for the situation that brought you here but many people have found alot of help here from the MB regulars.

To answer your question, NO. You may die from his behavior. You are dealing with a cop: the advice above is excellent. Get all evidence out of the house. Put spector.com on the computer and talk to an attorney. If this were a one time affair, I would not be saying any of this. Some people in positions of authority are there to "hunt." Your husband is heartless. There is no marriage, just a piece of paper. DO NOT let him know that you know until your homework is done: get current evidence out of the house, install Spector and get more evidence, get checked for STD's, talk to an attorney, secure a place to stay. There is no need in a bitter confrontation, there's no defense. Spare yourself and your child.

Lies, post on 'General Questions II'. There is ALOT more traffic there than on Just Found Out. Talk to people here...I don't have much advice for you (cause I'm still seeking it for myself) but there are lots of people here that can help and give GREAT advice.

I'm sorry you have to be here. It is devastating.

lies,

Just before you do the above, approach your WS's senior officer in charge (WITH a witness) and explain to him what is happening. A lot of police departments out there will take away an officer's gun and put him /her on desk duty until emotions are under control.

PLEASE BE EXTREMELY CAREFUL IN DEALING WITH AN ARMED WS!

Lies, so sorry to hear this...the best advice is what is written above...get all the evidence you can, try to secure your finances, if you can, find a place to go the is safe when you do confront him, talk to his senior officer, tell his parents, tell his friends, expose, expose, expose..go to an attorney and get your stuff in order and get a plan...i know this has got to be the most painful experience and I am so sorry for you...I promise you though, your pain will subside....it may not seem like it but it will....take care of you and your child...