Every time I have to talk to her. I limit my interactions to dealings with our child, but that makes me feel abad. I hate this I want to work things out but she wants her boyfriend.... HOw so you get over it....?

A religious person would say pray, go to church, trust God and even though the situation feels hopeless, good can come of it.

An athiest would say, heck if she's cheating go do the same thing.

Someone into yoga would say, meditate, listen to quiet music, try to be happy - life is about enjoyment.

An alcoholic would say, come drink with me. Become a drunk, ruin your life. And how about drugs too?

An exercise fanatic would say, exercise, studies show it work as well if not better then drugs for depression.

A shrink with a phd would tell you to take those drugs and maybe it's not a bad idea for awhile, prozac or something to artificially make you feel better.

A health nut would say no way - try St. John's Wort - and exercise and eating right.

If you hire a counselor one would say get on with your life, the other would say analyze it to death, and another would give you a strategy on how to hang on. Whatever you want to hear they'll tell you if you are paying them by the hour.

An attorney would say, get a divorce now, it's not gonna work.

Your friends will feel bad for you, want you to stop hurting and will say get on with your life.

Your dog will say, get off the couch and go walk with me.

Your mom will say, I told you so. So will your family. They'll all take your side, just like your friends though and will help you bash her for this.

So how do you get over it? Whatever helps... this site is one step BUT Dr. Harley and others are going to say, hey don't give up yet.

The more people you listen to the more confused you'll be. So take one day at a time. Take a break now and then from talking about it and posting about it. For me it was yoga, exercise, diet, baths, walks, books, shrinks, friends and family - and I'm still not "over it."

I don't think anyone gets over it, I think we all figure out how to repair the relationship, move on or stay in limbo. I'd make a lot being a shrink - one actually told me the truth, it's whatever you want. You are the one with the answers. Others can only guide you to figure out what you want to do with this.

Don't take so many drugs though that you miss some of the pain - because that's how we are all learning here. It hurts when a relationship ends or might be ending. But if somehow you can figure out a higher road - religious or not - one where you can keep your head up even when someone's doing you wrong, if you can forgive, let go of the bitterness, try to find the good in even the worst situation, you'll be heading up not down...

How long have you been married?

For six and a half years.

I suggest you hop on over to the general questions II forum. The folks there are familiar with affairs, and we can help you. It is much too soon to be thinking divorce.

I wanted the divorce at first..... But I changed my mind but it was to late. I was chatting with an old girlfriend online and she got upset about that. She thought I was going to leave her for someone a thousand miles away. She ran off with someone she et on line and slept with him the first day. I miss my wife....

Get over to General Questions II. It is slow right now, but there will be lots of traffic in the morning.

It is never too late. Lots of folks here have saved their marriage.

She might miss the marriage too once the excitement of her affair wears out. There are so many stories on this site of reconcilation after an affair, it's amazing actually. Go to the emotional needs section too, there are such great people you'll find to chat with. If she ran off with someone she met online, she has no long term ties to him, no history, no shared family/relatives... you've got something on the guy. Give her some time and maybe some kind words or emails here and there, you might be surpised that she finds out this instant "romance" is shallow. Life doesn't typically work out that way - meeting someone, sleeping with them the first day, and living happily ever after.

I dunno. She says that he is better in bed then I am. And she told me that she doesn't love me anymore.

She's saying that because she's hurt, she's striking back at you. There had to be love at some point. I'm sorry.

I feel like crawling into a hole and dying.....

Don't think about holes and dying.. please don't even write the words. Pull yourself out of those thoughts, if you are serious get some help. Maybe you need a counselor or just friends to talk to. It's a bad time of year for this on top of it. Do you have plans for Thanksgiving?

I am going over to my fathers house for thanksgiving. This is my first thanksgiving without my wife....

I am sorry you are feeling that way. I know too well that sick feeling. Read some self help books or talk to a counselor, you need some guidance on how to survive and thrive! I read about surviving infidelity *******EDIT*******and it was amazing how my attitude changed from being overwhelmed to 'what I could do to keep my family together and make my marriage work'. It really helped...I am still working on it, but very hopeful! Good luck.

Yes I agree, reading is helpful, and writing in a journal just to vent, or this "live journal" online where people respond. If you are at the divorce part of this site you are reading all of our depressing stories, the other parts of this are where people are more positive I hope you are chatting with some people there. A preacher once said in a sermon that the pain from an affair is like having your arm cut off - I have to agree, I remember even finding cell records of my husband calling some young woman, and then emails/websites on porn. This wasn't how marriage was meant to be, it's supposed to be a safe place - and this kind of pain wasn't meant to be experienced. But as you move on - like any wound, it won't hurt as bad as it is for you right now.

At least you have family to spend Thanksgiving with and won't be alone. I lost my father to cancer, I'd do anything to have a Thanksgiving with him so enjoy your dad and his support. If you are into church or not you can go to divorcecare.com and find a group locally where they have classes once a week with those going through a divorce. Some who go aren't regular church goers, some are separated, others are divorced. They talk in the classes about reconciliation and ideas. If you need a live group to go to. I'm not sure what else there is where you live, or if your insurance covers counseling, or if you have some good friends to talk with. Especially someone who's been through this. Take care

I don't have insurance. I lost it when she left me. I don't make enough to pay for consoling.

If you can't afford counseling, maybe then a divorcecare group would be a place for support. You can look on their website and type in your zip code and see if there are any churches. If you are this low at least having others around going through this can help especially during the Holidays. And head to the library and read some books on counseling, relationships, divorce. Knowledge is power. Learning to communicate differently yourself. Dr. Phil has his Relationship Repair book for those who can't afford counseling, of course Harley's books, Divorce Busting - you'll find a lot of resources there for you. No one teaches us "how" to do marriage and I think we are all shocked at how hard it really is - and how quickly one can be on the road to a divorce. If you do wind up divorced what you learn you can apply to your next relationship.

I lost her, and now I don't know what to do. I want to move on with my life, but I am hung up on hope that she will come back. I f*&ked up. She treats me like dirt and I know I deserve it.

You likely did F up a bit here. You took it for granted that she wouldn't leave you to and she did. And she's spiting you for revenge it appears. Hindsight is 20-20 so they say. It doesn't hurt to be sincere with her, to be sorry, to express your feelings and to apologize - and see if she'll respond. See if she tires of her hot new dude. It's an "instant" society, to fix a "problem" we do whatever it takes to stop feeling pain - for her it was replacing you as quickly as she could. You aren't divorced, you don't have to do the same thing, if you don't you'll be alone and you won't be pacifying the pain with sex, drugs, drinking and other things. That's admirable on one hand. And if you "stay clean" she'll see that. If you keep your cool, at least you won't add to the problems that have already been created. We are human, it's part of being human to make mistakes. You can look at yourself and what you did wrong but you can't beat yourself up forever either. If she is treating you like "dirt" don't respond and treat her that way back. Be as kind, gentle as you can ok? You can't throw dirt at dirt. Dr. Harley would say if one cuts out the abusive behavoir - name calling - fighting, typically the other would stop. She's going to want to see you upset and angry, perhaps down. Let her see you as remorseful and sorry but try not to let her see you as angry and spiteful.

I did tell her already. She called me an ****** and told me that she doesn't want me anymore. I am going to give up. I don't want to try anymore. All it does is hurt. I do'nt want to hurt anymore. Thanks for the advice and the support.....