I've read a lot about exposing the affair. While I haven't exactly been quiet, I haven't gone the distance of talking with his family or adult kids from prior marriage, etc. Despite how secretive he thought he was being, a lot of people at his former work know. What is the value in exposure and how do you do it without perception of vindictivess?

If the affair is ONGOING exposure isn't vindictive. If it's over, COM should be told and OP's Spouse but that's all.

CA, exposure is ruinous to affairs. Affairs are meant to be kept secret and when they are exposed the affairees are forced to see how foolish they look through the eyes of others. This is a cold splash of reality that inflicts a great blow on the affair. Some affairs have ended the minute they are exposed, in others it seems to hasten their death. Regardless, it causes conflict in the affair. Who wants to smoke crack when everyone else is watching?

I would plan on doing it in an organized, methodical manner by making up a list of key people who may have influence over the affairees. Give your target the facts and explain you love your wife and are trying to save your marriage. Ask for their support in helping to end the affair.

Good targets can be parents of all concerned, siblings, friends, employers. Most especially the spouse of the OP, if any.


You won't be able to control the perceptions of others, so don't even concern yourself with that.