My husband had an affair with a friend of ours and coworker of his. Everyone (including bosses) knows about the affair; however, my husband and the OW think only a few people know. How do I let them know that everyone knows?

Oh by the way, they say the affair is over and they are just friends. They refuse no contact.

What about OW's H? No need to tell the WS and OW that everyone knows. They know it, just want to be in denial.

You should NOT be in denial with them, so continue to expose. What are those who already know doing about it? Are they supportive of you?

L.

The OW doesn't have a husband. She's such a loser; I don't even think she's ever had a boyfriend.

There are 3 co-workers who are friends of ours. They know about the affair and are very supportive of me. They want our marriage to work. They used to be the OW's friend too, but not anymore. They are the ones that told me that EVERYONE at work knows. My husband and the OW does NOT know that everyone knows. They think only 3 people know about the affair. Trust me, if my husband knew that everyone at work knew about it, I would know. He would be so mad. I wanted to write a letter to their boss, but I want the OW and my husband to know that everyone knows so that they know they are exposed.

I just don't know how to go about exposing the fact that everyone knows.

Well, since everyone at work already knows, write an exposure letter and send it to everyone at their work, and make sure to cc:OW a copy as well.

That should get the visability you're needing from both OW and your H.

in_pain...

I agree with Resilient wholeheartedly...WRITE THAT LETTER...

I read on your other thread that you have OW's parent's phone number...YES, YOU call them...I know that it will be hard, but it is necessary...You tell them that their daughter is having an illicit affair with your husband...tell them about your son...tell them that you love your husband very much and are fighting to save your marriage and family would appreciate any help that they could give you in getting their daughter out of your lives...As scary as that seems, in_pain, it will help you in the long run more than you can imagine...It will allow you to regain some control in your life...

Do NOT worry about your husband's anger...Your marriage can survive his anger (no matter how angry he gets), but it can not and will not survive an ongoing affair!!!

You CAN do this...

Mrs. W

Is there anywhere to go on this site for examples on exposure letters? I would have no idea what to write!

what kind of business is it?

do you chat on yahoo or aol/aim? maybe I could help you on it that way, too. If you do, let me know, I'llpost my screen name then remove it as soon as youget it, ok?

Mrs W.:

I appreciate you replying to me. You replied to me before with great advice. Are you sure about this? That is very scary and risky!!!!! I have been walking on eggshells and trying not to "rock the boat" with my husband for months (since I knew my marriage was in some trouble). I've been trying to keep him happy as much as possible. I'm afraid if I do that, I will lose him for sure. He WILL walk out on me - probably forever! He almost left one night (probably not for good) when I told him I drove by her apartment and saw that his car was there. When I asked him what he was doing there, he flipped out!

My Dad has been telling me to get tough on him. He said I've been making this way too easy for him. I'm just too afraid of losing him.

I was all prepared to make that call to her parents, but I was going to act like a friend in the situation. I wasn't going to tell her Mom or Dad that it was me.

One time, there was a letter left on the windshield of her car. It was an anonymous letter to tell her to back off my husband. He got so mad about it and he told me that it was up to me to find out who put it there. He said that when things like that happen, it only makes them closer. He said it only hurts us because they become closer. He said it's almost like the world against them. He said they don't have any friends anymore, so they only have each other. He should have just put a knife in my heart; it would have hurt less. There, someone else did something and it hurt me anyway. How can my relationship be based on someone else's actions? It's her fault that she doesn't have any friends, not mine.

So, how would he react if he knew that I called her parent's house?!??!? He would go through the roof. I don't think he would ever forgive me. I don't think I can do it. Like I said, I could call and act like a close friend or something.

I don't know what to do. That just seems way too risky!

It's an accounting firm. They are CPA's.

I do chat occassionally on AOL. I know the basics on how to do it!

I will turn it on

Your H is convincing you that you are to blame for all this. He is basically terrorizing you into submission of accepting his adultery.

Think about it IP, if he claims they only have each other and have been shunned by all already, whose fault is it, YOURS? He is using fear and threatenig tactics to keep you from exposing and making sure you stay in-check. Under his thumb.

You have already lost him. He may be physically still living with you, but he is not there in any other way. His allegiance is with OW.

He knows you're frozen in fear of him leaving IP, and he is using it against you. You're being manipulated.

The clock is ticking, re-claim your self respect. You don't deserve to be treated this way.

Expose them.

Do you think I have lost him to the point of no return? Do you think I have a chance?

Ok, I am at my mom's and the internet is awful. We'll work on your letter here.

Unless it happens to get better


Ok,

Let's get going.

Anyone else feel free to jump in. too.

Dear ___

I am writing to inform you that two of your employees Mr. ___ and Ms. ___ are involved in affair. Mr. ____ is married and has a young son. It is my understanding that this affair is being conducted on the premisis of your business.

I am determined to salvage my marriage.



Here is a start - anyone else have something to add?

No IP, you have not lost him to the point of no return. And absolutely YES ....more than a chance. But right now your husband is not YOUR husband.

If you follow Harley's Plan A and Plan B, and the MB principles you have a greater chance of recovering your marriage than without.

You so have a chance. We just have to get you a plan going and get you going on that plan.

Resilient:

Thanks, that makes me feel better. I HOPE I have more than a chance. It doesn't feel that way.

Now, I just have to become an expert on how to keep my marriage.

Thank you moveforward.

That is very encouraging. I will take any advice you have on a plan. I will take all the help I can get!!!!! I need help!

IP...

When your husband gets angry at you regarding something you've done (or he thinks you've done) about the affair, it means you are doing the RIGHT thing...Affairs are very much like addictions...Your WH is an addict right now...Think about how a crack addict would act if you took away their crack pipe...NOT PRETTY, right? But it would still be the RIGHT thing to do, wouldn't it?

I won't lie to you, your husband will be MAJOR POed by exposure, but that is GOOD...You want there to be utter CHAOS surrounding the affair...You want the affair to be exposed to the light of day...Affairs THRIVE in secrecy, but are DESTROYED by light...That is the result that you want obviously...Yes, your WH will scream, yell and spew venom at you...he will tell you that he WAS going to work on the marriage, but not NOW...blah, blah, blah...it's all standard WS script...it's heard here pretty much daily...Just know this, your marriage stands NO CHANCE as long as this affair continues...Exposure is the MOST powerful weapon in a BS's arsenal...We want this affair dead...So you go forth and fight for your marriage and family...

Call her parents and let them know it is YOU and EXPOSE...It does not matter that your husband knows it was you that exposed...Be PROUD of THAT...YOU are doing a NOBLE thing...FIGHTING FOR YOU MARRIAGE AND FAMILY...Exposure is NOT about revenge, it is about hastening the end of an affair-you do this to SAVE your marriage...When he confronts you about it, remain strong and stay on message..."I WILL DO ANYTHING IN MY POWER TO SAVE OUR MARRIAGE AND FAMILY"...

When are you planning to call her parents?

Mrs. W