So its Thanksgiving day and my WH decided after 6 yrs of not going to his family gatherings that this was the year to start. We have been teetering on the brink of divorce for some time now and he just keeps digging a larger hole for us to climb out of. I talked to my DD the other day about the situation between WH and me because she's been distracted at school and she's mentioned to friends that WH has OW and were getting divorced. So I sat down with her to discuss what is going on and at 10 she seems to have a better grasp than my H! My H is terrible with the kids-especially the oldest. He treats them like they are a bother and we have had many a discussion about it but to no avail. In the wake of his A the kids have become protective of me and defensive. He spends more time at work than at home and was spending so much time talking to OW that our DD thought they were married! The thing is that I love him which is why 6 mos after D and 3 mos after relapse I'm still here. But the kids expressed a desire to see him leave-"I think the only difference would be that someone else would have to work". That is just one example of how little he is here. Our 2 yr old calls his work Daddys home. Ow transferred in July and H drove an hr to her new store for her birthday in Aug-2 wks after last child was born. I am so confused-it seems the ship is going down. Is it time to save the kids and myself? He is showing no signs of trying with the kids or me. The first dday was in May-2 days before he was supposed to leave. Outed by OW's BF. I recently found out that a collegue of my H told him he was crossing boundaries but with no luck in getting him to stop. Until a few days ago he swore his collegues didn't see anything inappropriate although his boss had started yelling at them for their too close behavior and punishing them as a unit. Any great suggestions?

Thanks
Melly

Move forward with yourself and your family. Leave the WS in the dusk and maybe your H can break free and run towards your family. Do NOT hang back for a WS. Your real H will find you . He must fight to regain his family.

His boss seems t/b on your side. Have you thanked him?

L.

i take it your h is in retail? management? i was in retail management for 15 years and saw many affairs start in that environment. I saw marriages end that way as well. retail can be very sordid let me tell you. i do know, however, most companies do NOT tolerate relationships between managers or managers and subordinates, etc. if you have proof of the affair, go higher up with it. go to human resources, bring it to his bosses attention (sounds like he already knows) and go higher. i've seen people lose their jobs over this kind of stuff. i think you have some power here if you are willing to use it and if you think it is worth it.

mlhb

So he's back in limbo. Apparently me being unwilling to let him treat me poorly and let our kids down means I hate him. He's terrible with our kids and he refuses to do anything. He says one day he'll go to therapy and the next he's saying no because I keep telling him he needs to be home more. Which is him trying to alleviate his responsibilities. But if I have to chose between him hurting and the kids hurting I will chose him hands down and I'm getting so tired. He can't handle the brutal truth and has no desire to change it. He says he's giving his best but he's just giving the best he knows and refuses to see they are not the same thing. He is like two completely different people and I don't know what to do-it's been 6 mos since D and 3 mos since relapse. The kids have tried telling him that he's letting them down and hurting them but nothing. He thinks there is nothing wrong except that I hate him. Am I crazy or does this seem like we're getting nowhere?

Melly