I am severly depressed and I can't get over how I feel about my ex. It was so hard not to hear from her yesterday and I miss her so much. I haven't contacted her but I want to so bad. I have been crying so much lately and turning to my family and my ex-wife. I did love her and I just don't understand how she can just throw it all away.

We were so connected. There is a christmas party at the office in 10 days and I don't know if I should go. I just wanna see her because some how I feel it might make a difference. Please tell me how to know if my "staying away" is a good thing and when I will be able to stop feeling this pain?

I wanna quit one of my jobs cause it's so isolating and yet all I wanna do is stay at home and let the time go by because I'm hoping that in time, I will know one way or another if she really cared for me. I know how I feel about her and when she came back for the booty calls, I really thought that was her "coming back" and deciding that she wanted to be with me. I just need to know what to do now. I really feel like we could be good for eachother if she only wanted to put in the effort. How can I help her decide that? I'm sorry but I'm desparate for help. Please tell me that the pain I'm feeling is worth the possibility of us reuniting.

call a crisis center and if you think i am kidding i am NOT. you need some serious help. YOU CANNOT HELP HER TO DECIDE! HER DECISION IS MADE. deal with it, she doesn't want you for anymore than a booty call when she has no one else to turn to. those are the hard cold facts.

you need help, maybe some good AD's.
get some help coughlin you are sound like a crazy man.

mlhb

Coughlin, my friend you have properly diagnosed your own condition when you said you are severely depressed.

You are....from the symptoms & your daily actions & words.

So now you need REAL help from a doctor. Get it ASAP. Don't wait. Go immediately for help. That is the ONLY thing that counts on your agenda, OK? Don't worry about whether to quit or not. Don't worry about the Christmas party or not. Don't seek family or your exwife. Go for REAL Help now!!

Saying a prayer for you my brother,
High Flight

coughlin: You can't allow you condition to continue. You must get help and possibly getting some AD’s. Do it as soon as possibly. The booty call is not a good choice for you. Think of it like a small amount of a drug for someone who is addictive to that drug. It will only leave that person wanted more and more of the drug. And it might be a form of control over you! STOP THE SEX-until you know that she wants to work on your relationship! Please get help as soon as possible....

I to have these breakdown as well, but not for my ex (my feeling for her are gone and done with) but for my youngest that she stole from me, yes I said stole. That is a very long story and I will try to post later on this forum. Just wanted to state that I can identify with your pain and yes, I understand how scary these emotions are. So please just get the help you need and hang in there!!!

coughlin

it hurts when you love someone and THEY DO NOT love you back. that describes that last few years of my marriage.
you CANNOT MAKE SOMEONE LOVE YOU PERIOD.
believe me i tried. my ex even told me, you cannot make me love you or feel feelings i just do not, do not know if i ever felt for you, and know i am not going to feel.

he would give me the "booty calls' give me just a little something to hang onto so i would throw his [censored] out. he wanted the best of both worlds. that is all she does to you, gives you some sex when she has no one else to go to knowing that will keep good old coughlin hanging on. it is a VERY SICK GAME really. very sick. my ex did it with me for years. i finally smartened up and said i deserve better than this. you do too.

she WILL NOT COME AROUND, SHE WILL NOT LOVE, YOU, MY FRIEND, AS WE HAVE TOLD YOU A MILLION TIMES, ARE BEING PLAYED BY A PRO. she needs to fall flat on her face.

get help now before you turn into acting more crazy than you are now. you are extremely unstable right now. she is NOT worth it, she has given you nothing. i would recommend you find another job so you don't have to work with her. you probably are not strong enuff to go to the xmas and will probably only be hurt when you see her there with someone else. save yourself the misery. let her find some other guy to use, you are better than this.'

mlhb

I did love her and I just don't understand how she can just throw it all away.

Well...let's keep this in perspective because it will help you in the long run. She did NOT throw anything away. It was never there to her.

Back in September you posted this..

[color:"red"] my exgirlfriend came over and stood outside my door crying and saying that she was lost. So I let her in, comforted her and had sex. Right aftr, she said that I seduced her and that she didn't want a relationship and she didn't want to hurt me.
[/color]

A girl that does this will do other things more serious...instead of "seduction" she could make a false accusation of date rape. That is just how it is.

You need to remember the things that she did that made you uncomfortable.

She kept you a dirty little secret from her friends, I know that made you uncomfortable.

She would text message guys (right in front of you no less) to make plans to meet at bars. You were upset by that too.

You said that she can't be open and honest about who she is and that you cannot be with someone like that.

You need to remember all the things like that in order to KNOW that you are better off without her in your life.

JMHO
committed

Coughlin,

You really do need to see someone. You're obsessing over this person who has treated you badly & proven over & over again she doesn't desire the same kind of relationship you do.

Do you think you want a serious relationship so much you've attributed characteristics to this girl she doesn't possess?

You're having the same questions going around & around in your head without examining them. It sounds like you're driven by what you want to be rather than the reality of what is.

Do get help. Meds are designed for just this kind of problem.

(((Coughlin)))

coughlin,

I'm sorry you are in pain.Remember I said the fog can settle on anyone? It has for you.Why? because you are not facing reality.The pain is giving up that which is not yours,what you didn't have but for your side only.Love.

I think most of us can understand what you are feeling.It's what we all dealt with in the A.We love our WS's yet they don't love us,not in the same way at least and so we have to deal with the love dying .It's so painful.The realization.And as I said before,each and every time you see this young woman,it rips the scab off and you are bleeding again.That's why I believe in NC.After several months you just might be able to be stable and feel better and see clearer.

It's normal IMO to want to fight for the person you love but NOT if they don't love you back coughlin.Way back when I first found out about the A and soon after when I knew things weren't going to recover,I asked my counselor "what am I supposed to do with all these feelings for ex??" I had all this love,still,for his lying cheating heart.

Well,I-had-to-let-it-die.It was the hardest thing to do.Some days I thought it would be easier to just cut my wrist and bleed out.Why be alive.But I had kids that needed me.That is what pulled me through.

coughlin,the pain you are feeling is because you know what is true: she doesn't love you the way you deserve to be loved.REAL RECIPROCAL LOVE IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THIS PAINFUL-IF IT IS THEN IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK

Again,PLEASE GO TO NC.Don't go to the party.

Thank you all for reminding me how she made me feel and recommending that keep NC and by telling me that you cannot force someone to love you.

There was this story about a pearl necklace and how a father gave his daughter a genuine one to replace the one she gave up. I thought she was the genuine one to replace my ex-wife. I thought she had heart.

I'm trying to wean myself off of the AD's because I can't seem to function as well and believe it or not crying has helped me to feel this pain and I'm actually more focused now than before. I need to feel this pain and get through it.

I know I deserve more and so do we all. I'm thankful for all or you. Just knowing that you are there has brought me comfort. I can be alone now.

alone is NOT a bad thing.. you have to be able to be alone and great at doing it before you can ever be with someone else. i have no issue with being alone, i was alone the last 2 years of my marriage, even with him still living here. i can take care of myself, support myself, take care of my home and kids, mow my own lawn, do certain things to my car, etc... i do not NEED a man. when i got to that point i knew i would be ok. i like companionship, i want to love and be in a relationship with someone. that is one of the things gekko says he loves about me.. i don't NEED him, he doesn't HAVE to take care of me, support me financially, etc. i can do that on my own. his ex could do nothing on her own and it sucked the life out of him and now she is scrambling trying to figure out how to do things on her own. i would never want to be a woman like that. i love having a man in my life, but i can survive without one.

mlhb