I just found out this wk that my WH has been in another affair for 6 mo-it started right after our 20th wedding anniversary and near the time he was laid-off and he was planning to start his own small biz. The affair is with his office mgr who also was laid off. I found out when OW's husband called me to let me know that his wife had moved out. Since OW's husband had repeated been calling our house my husband confessed. He said I'd never really gotten over his last affair so he went looking.An intersting twist to all this is that we've had our large home up for sale for 6 mo due to his lay-off we were planning on moving somewhere smaller nearby. However- I often went to look at Open Houses and WH never was interested in coming along. Then we had to buy a new kitchen table recently and we got in a huge spat over whether to get 4 vs 6 chairs-we have 3 kids so obviously 6 made sense! But WH insisted we only needed 4! I see now that his plan was to have me sign the sales papers on our home THEN tell me he was leaving me. I am stunned by it all. I have already contacted a lawyer. However- I am really struggling with the idea of filing first because I believe divorce is wrong due to my moral and Christian beliefs. However I also believe emotional abuse and deception is wrong. Please- I could use some advice and support. Thanks in advance. Nancy mom to 3 great kids- 9, 15, 19

Welcome to MB. I'm glad you have contacted an attorney, and hope you will make an appointment. You will need to protect your family financially. See if that can be done without filing for divorce.

The 4 chairs part sounds so typical. Usually the WS does all kinds of crazy things, but not knowing the truth of our lives, we betrayed don't connect the dots.

I hope you will refer OW's husband here so that he can get some help too.

Are you working outside of the home? Does OW have children too?

So sorry this is happening to you AGAIN..I would start Plan A...is he still in the A? Does he still have contact w/ the OW? I can't even imagine what you are going thru right now....Welcome to a wonderful forum...So many people here can help you when you feel helpless...I am so lucky to have found this site....

It was something that's mentioned here every now and then - there are passages from the Bible that suggest divorce IS acceptable if one spouse commits adultery. Under those circumstances, the betrayed spouse is allowed to divorce the wandering spouse.

I'm sorry that you've found yourself in the same situation again. It's obvious that your H really hasn't learnt anything from what happened after his last A and, even worse, him actually trying to convince you that you were the reason he went looking for another A - well, that is just despicable.

I know it must be exceptionally difficult to find out, actually confirm, that your spouse is someone who is so untrustworthy. You are experiencing what I think is one of my greatest concerns for my recovering M: that years later, after we've gone through the pain of betrayal and recovery, my FWW might decide to do it once again. I do feel that under those circumstances I will move directly to Plan D (divorce), so I cannot honestly advise otherwise to anyone else.

BTW - Have you confirmed with him that there weren't any other As during your M?

Thanks for your replies! WH is still active in the A, however since I found out about the A last wk he's been home every night playing Happy Family Man and been extra nice to me.He cooked the turkey dinner as I was in bed with the flu and now he's putting up the Christmas tree. Go figure! He is heavily invested on how he appears to others- ie. family man, good provider, Cub Scout Den Leader etc. that I often wonder how he lives with himself knowing he has a whole other secret side going on at the same time. OW is very unstable- She has no minor age children and she just got out of alcohol inpatient rehab.I definitely don't want my two youngest kids around her. Also she is a heavy smoker and one of my kids is asthmatic.I have avoided all talk about the A as has my WH since he first told me last wk.Honestly I think our sex life never recovered from his first A- I could never relax and trust him which really put a damper on things obviously. Not that it excuses what he's done. WH has never been able to express his emotional needs to me and I think sex IS his way of expressing them. Huge issue there. lifeismessy

I am a born again Christian. IMHO, you have every right to divorce your H if you choose to do so. Also, my opinion... you would be better off moving on... I think if he knows the damage an A can cause... and he does it a second time (that you know of)... he will do it again.

If you are going to stay... I would REQUIRE a post nuptual agreement that says he gets NOTHING in the event of another A and divorce. Not a penny. Also, since he has earned the title of untrustworthy...tell him you want him to take a polygraph (lie detector) test. See what happens. These tests are VERY reliable.