My WW, convinced that she wants a D, is explaining to my 4.5 year old daughter that "mommy and daddy don't make each other happy" and that "when mommies and daddies don't make each other happy, they don't live together anymore". I told her that our daughter doesn't need to hear that right now. I think when and if we are working with lawyers and preparing for a legal separation, we can have this talk TOGETHER with the kids. When I tell her to stop, she gets angrier and starts raising her volume and getting angrier in tone, which makes my 4.5 year old cover her ears! It breaks my heart. I considered taking the kids for a drive, but with my wife objecting and calling me "evil" I stopped because I don't want to poison them against her and make them think I am "rescuing" them from her. I eventually decided that I will just try to defuse the situation by removing myself to the bedroom.

Please help. What is the best way to handle this if I can't get WW to agree to keep our problems away from the kids until a time that we are actually preparing for a D?

TomFool

Since your wife has been reading on MB and knows your posting name I am hesitant to post an answer.

Please email me at the address in my signature line below.

Mr. Wondering

well, log EVERYTHING she says to those kids, her actions, her words, her tone, everything, and dates and times. when you do legal sep, file for custody of the kids and bring all this up. the courts will not look too highly on her putting the kids in the middle like that.

next, put find a good family counselor for you kids to help them deal with this mess before they are messed up by it and her too much.

and if she is reading this, WAKE THE ****** UP LADY AND STOP TELLING THIS CRAP TO YOUR KIDS, DO NOT PUT THEM IN THE MIDDLE OF YOUR MESS.

mlhb

also, i might add, the family courts aren't going to look to kindly on a mother who had/is having an affair.

if this M doesn't work out, that my dear friend is all in your favor. keep a log. KEEP A LOG.

mlhb

protect your kids from her. She is obviously a very bad mother. How to do this, sadly, I don't have any answers right now except to be the BEST dad you can possibly be.

Also, speak with a child psychologist and involve her if possible.

And yes, keep a log.

At this point, since she has chosen the tactic of hurting your children too... tell her if she wants out, she signs the kids over to you. If she chooses to go... then I say let her go. Your kids are your first priority and they WILL remember what she is saying right now... and it WILL cause problems later on in life.

I will pray for you.

She is acting like a selfish, entitled, adulterous, woman. This is what entitlement and self delusion do to a person. Her happiness (if you call it that) is the only thing that matters and everyone else needs to accomodate her.

Don't do it.

Mrs. Tomfool, for what its worth, I doubt you are a bad person but listen, no matter what Tomfool may or may not have done gives you no right to turn into this ugly monster you are turning into. Poisoning the children with lies, half truths, rationalizations, committing adultery, lieing, and not taking any blame for your current state. You are headed for disaster whether TOmfool is along for the ride or not if you don't change soon.