My husband is having EA-I thought that things were getting better until I found them together at Starbucks last week. I confronted them-he said it was just coffee between friends. She left immediately and after I was through speaking to my husband I called her. I dont know if that was a mistake but I was so furious. She told me that they are just friends that meet for coffee 2-3 times per week ( I knew nothing of this) I told her that my husband has feelings for her (which he has told me) and she said he is living in a fantasy if thats true. Later my husband asked to meet me-I told him that he needed to choose between her or us because I will not share him with another woman. He said he wants to try to work it out-I told him he needed to have no contact with her-the problem with that is he has built a house for her and her husband and there are still things he has to do there so I dont see how no contact will work. I told him no more lies-its amazing how easy it has become for him to lie to me!! Anyway Thursday was my birthday and Wed he decided to drive his motorcycle to work because it was going to be a slow day (we work for the same company). I snooped in his truck that morning before I went to work and there was 1 card in a Hallmark bag-I found the receipt for Hallmark in a trash bag he has in his truck and it showed 2 cards were purchased. I received 1 card for my birthday and my friend found out on the internet that the OW's birthday is November too.

I asked him on wed at work if he boufht OW anything for her bday because I knew it was in Nov too and he said no.
Do I confront him about this lie? I went back out to his truck to get the receipt but it was gone-he must have figured out I saw it-or was afraid I would. I have read about the love busters-do I let them continue this behavior?

I have not told OW spouse yet. I am fearful of doing so. I know everyone will ask whats the worse that could happen and I dont know. Im sure she will tell him that they are just friends and I am blaming her for our marital problems-all the things she said to me on the phone. This seems to be a game to her-her husband is a dr and she stays home with kids-they go to preschool 3 days a week which must be the days they meet for coffee.

any advice would be appreciated

Does anyone have any advice? I am so confused -I must be in the "fog" too

jrobin -

Again I will tell you to EXPOSE to the OW's husband. You can tell him that the OW is causing problems in your marriage, and that your husband has feelings for her.

Think of this - if you were "friends" with another man, and all was innocent, and his wife was upset about it, what would YOU do? An honorable woman would STOP.

I agree with believer. You need to expose to the OW's husband. Your WH will be upset with you in the short term, but it will pass. You need to kill this thing before it progresses any further. You can't just stop there. Fill out Dr. Harley's emotional needs questionaire with your husband. There are problems in the marriage that are leading to this EA. You need to work on fixing those problems so your marriage is not at risk for an affair.

- Jim

Expose to OW husband.

Write out the info he needs so it is succinct:

Your H admitted to you he has feelings for her, You asked him to stop contact unless it was work related, you have found they have coffee 3 times a week, you have told his wife your H has feelings for her, you want this contact to stop immediately

Tell him this now.
Lake