Tom,

You haven't posted since your wife's response. Understandably, I'm sure her determination to head to divorce has upset you. Just know the MB principles still lend significant merit to your situation.

Please do what was advised on the other thread regarding cloaking your identity here for future support. We're here to help you.

Jo

Things have gone dark. I'm reeling from her hatred for me right now, on top of processing the disclosed A details from yesterday. She threw a pot or something across the kitchen, so I left with the kids to the park. I need to worry about protecting my own feelings for her or we will be even worse off.

BTW, this site is making her angrier bwcause she feels that everyone is focusing on the A. Her point is that she hatws me with or without the AA.

This site is making her angrier because the TRUTH hurts and stings. This has nothing to do with you or your marriage. IT has to do with a woman who has become and is engaged in adultery, who has broken vows, who is high on an affair fix, who is selfish, entitled, above the law, and probably suffering from other ills at this point. This has nothing to do with you or your M. She has made these choices and wants to justify them because you were such a bad husband according to her. She can't and it peeves her. Her children will forever know that she was an adulterous woman. Great example mom.

My preaching is simple. Get out of the affair first and foremost, "go and sin no more.." Get away from marriage, take a break, collect her thoughts, don't make any decisions while engaged in an affair. Don't simply replace you with another man when she obviously has issues that are going to carry over to other relationships. The last thing this woman needs is to be active in a relationship with anyone right now, imo. She could do well with some alone time. Get some IC. Become a mom again. Then at that time begin to make decisions that will affect you, her, and her children from this point forward.

If she threw a pot across the room with the kids present... go file apolice report. It will do you some good when you go for custody of the children (should it come to that). She is obviously a disturbed person at this time and you need to do everything in your power to protect the kids.

TomFool,
My husband said a lot of things early on after the affair was exposed, but he changed his tune over time. Early on, things like "You're evil, and that's why I had an affair." Later on, "I hate you. No, the person I hate is myself."

A person who reacts like your wife is reacting does not see her affair partner as the answer to her problems. She knows that you are, but she has given up on you.

For you to stay away from her when she acts like that is good. Treat her only with loving kindness. She is crashing as she sees what she has done to her family and is desparately trying to justify it. Tell her we can get past this. Give her hope.

Respectful