Yea, your husband went away. The adversary you are facing is not your husband. He is like unto a drug addict. His brain is filled with entitlement and chemicals. You won't know him until the fog lifts. He has justified in his own mind it must be your fault. Yea, right. . .

To be sad is understandable.

Unfortunately the business he is in lends itself to self deception, divorces and entitlement, sorta like marriage counselors.

All the best.

Larry

I really hate this. I had my first custody exchange this morning with my WH. After we fought through our lawyers for hours trying to work out an agreement on Monday, the first chance he gets he is trying to change everything around to suit him. The temporary custody agreement clearly says that he gets Wed and Thurs this week. Pick Up is to be at 7:45 a.m. at the start of visitation and Drop off is to be at 6:30 p.m. at the conclusion of visitation (which would be Thursday). He is trying to say that he doesn't have to bring her back until Friday evening now! My only recourse would be to call the police again if he doesn't return her as agreed. This is so dysfunctional. Rules and schedules do not apply to him, you are right Larry178 he has a total entitlement issue. I just want to get some peace from these issues for a while. I am having a hard time adjusting to the idea of the divorce anyway, I don't want to have to fight him on every issue like this. Even through all that he has done and put me through I still love him. I wish that I didn't anymore, that would make everything easier. Our daughter is his power over me and he will use her to hurt me. I guess I can only hope the situation will improve with time. For those that have been through something similar, was there anything that you did that you felt helped get things on a more positive road?

I just got off the phone with my attorney. My WH and his attorney are saying the terms of our temporary custody agreement are vague and unenforceable. They are digging their heels in about my WH getting to keep my DD2 a full extra day beyond what was signed on Monday and they are demanding a new court hearing! How can this happen! How can they just decide that suddenly they are unhappy with what they agreed to and force me to renegotiate. Two days a week with someone completely unstable is horrible, three is even worse. Every time I get a call from my attorney I hear a tiny cash register ringing in my brain cha-ching! cha-ching! This is making me sooo upset. I know that my husband is just doing this to try to show me he is the one calling the shots in this. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> How do you let this stuff not get to you? I feel like such a victim. Like he has been attacking me for months and all I can do is just hold my hands up to ward off the blows. I need to do something proactive in this so I don't feel like a victim anymore. I am soooo tired of feeling this way. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> I just don't know how to counteract his constant attacks. Now that we have started divorce proceedings, ignoring him is no longer an option.

you said he is a police officer, right? They tend to have access to information about attorney reputation. Sounds like he selected an aggressive attorney. Like you say, his attorney is more than willing to be agressive and run up a lot of hours of fees.

Do you feel good about the attorney you selected? How did you select him? or Her? Have you seen a good woman's advocacy support agency? Sometimes these agencies are useful in dealing with abusive family members and in providing referrals, or just looking over your situation and giving some guidance. Since you have an order of protection, I'm sure you qualify to get some guidance from an agency like this. They aren't the type if agency that I would suggest you see if reconciliation is on your mind, but they could help you to evaluate your resources and services that you are currently purchasing to make sure you are not a victim.
Lake

I am about to lose it! My WH did not bring DD2 back last night as our temporary custody agreement stated (she was to be returned at 6:30 p.m.). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> His attorney assured mine yesterday that she would be returned at 7:45 a.m. this morning. I was late to work waiting for him to show up with her this morning and he never did. Now he is not answering calls from my attorney, his attorney and the local police! This is getting so bad.....I am so worried.

I am sure she is okay BUT, your attorney needs to take legal action NOW!

He needs to make the police escalate this by reminding them how unstable your WH is. Reminding them of his suicide attempt, subsequent arrest which resulted in an extended stay in a mental hospital. This is serious and should NOT be tolerated.

Jo

Below is a copy of what my attorney sent to his attorney via fax. Sending someone a letter after they step all over you is way too polite for me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> My A said that he would support me driving down to get her and having the local police accompany me to get her back. I really was not prepared for how difficult he was going to make the D process for me. We are probably going to have to have a second hearing on this issue now....

OOWWWWww, your Wh is screwin' up like My PODS! Not good, not good! :::shaking head:::

I know that it's frustrating but you can do this...YOU ARE doing this...you will get to a point that WH will have no other choice but to back down!

be patience...the truth and the light will prevail!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

He is not answering my emails. I sent one at lunch time that said this


I spoke to my attorney before this and he indicated that I could try to get the police to assist in returning her to me. He will be leaving for work soon. I fear I will not get her back today. If he leaves her with his family, I doubt they would be willing to drive all the way up here to drop her off. I am angry now instead of scared. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Do whatever you need to do to get her back!!!

Hi. I am sorry that I am jumpin gin here rather late. I would suggest several things right off the bat...
call the captains office and if you get no where call the chief of polices office immediately. Do you live in a large city???
Call the office of the judge that issued the order... THEY HATE when their orders are ignored.
Although I doubt your child is in any danger, I would vehemently fight this right now.
If you need to talk to me I will get your my phone number through email... do not tolerate this.

MEDC

I am going to go back and get more familiar with your thread.

Okay.... mostly caught up. As for anyone here saying expose to OWH... absolutely NOT. Saving this marriage is not even on the radar right now.
Here's what I would do immediately....
since your H was involuntarily committed he should not be in possession of any firearm. Verify that through his captain.
As I suggested earlier, call the judge...see if you can actually speak to him yourself. No attorney's... just you.
If the child is not returned immedately file an emergency petition with the court.
Begin divorce proceeding if you have not already done so. You need to get far away from this man that has shown himself to be abusive on many different levels.
Start making phone calls this afternoon and do not stop until you have found someone that will help you...and I think the police will be responsive to this.

Also...make sure you insist on the agreement being followed to the letter. No exceptions for anything. He needs to be shown that you are in control and that he cannot manipulate you in any way.
I am sorry for the things you are going through. You and your daughter will get through this.

MEDC

Thank you so much MEDC!!

MEDC,

Thank you so much for your advice. I have made calls all afternoon to WH's parents home, his cell, and finally in desperation to his stepmother. She indicated several things in the phone call. Since my husband lies about everything it is hard to distinguish truth from his WH BS crap but....

1. His stepmother said his attorney told him that he wasn't to return her until Friday at 6:30.
2. That he lied to the judge. His stepmother told me he was at work today and yesterday. DD2 has been staying at WH's mothers house not with WH! The whole crux of their position with the judge on these day visits rather than DD2 going to daycare was why couldn't she spend the days he has off with daddy? I was for this, but only on his days off. His mother is mentally ill and I did not want DD2 staying with her vs. daycare.
3. That he intended to bring her back at 6:30 p.m. today

I really think that I am afraid to let her go on the next visit. This is the second time he has done this. He pretends that he doesn't understand what was communicated to him by A LAWYER and A JUDGE! Somebody that ignorant should not be allowed to walk around unsupervised, much less carrying a 40 caliber handgun. I did call the local police about this. They said that I should try to contact him (which I did) and that if I brought a court order with me that they would accompany me to get her back and keep the peace (that is all they were willing to do). I drove 40 miles down to his parents house and no one was home. That was when I called his stepmother at work.
I will try to call the judge, don't know how that will go. I am so angry, I don't know if I can face him when I do get her back.

Thank you Strivn4Better and MEDC! Strivn4Better, when your husband was pulling this on you with visitation what ended up happening to him? Just wondering what I can expect or what I could be in for.

I did have any trouble with visitation but I know this is not a man you need to me married to! He's a time bomb and I think that you are doing exactly what you need to do to take care of yourself!

My sitch has a little DV in it but he never put his hands on me and backed down when the TRO...big bully...a dog with a bark but no bite...

CJ, is a great person to talk to also...MEDC is wonderful! I'm sorry that I don't have more answers to offer you!

as far as how to handle this when you see him...be cordial... no more, no less.
Do NOT hand that child over to him again until you have heard from the judge.
My email is attached to my profile here if you need anything.

MEDC

Please listen to MEDC and contact the judge. Remember to control your anger because you H is manipulating you in many ways and one of the ways is that he wants you to show anger. Don't cooperate. Stay calm, that is one of the ways that you stay in control of the sitch.

When you talk to the judge, make sure you stick to key points that MEDC made. Write it out first so you can keep from going too far off track. It's easy to go off track when you are a parent worried and angry for your child.

Thanks MEDC

Lake

LL,

My FWH is also in law enforcement, and at one point took the kids. So I really empathize with you.

I'd press for the GAL and the emergency hearing right now, and in the meantime, don't let him come anywhere near your DD. You already made the threat regarding the GAL in court, but then he did it again anyway. No reason to keep saying "next time ... ".

I'd also file contempt charges and perjury charges, along with a subponea of his work schedule. And I would be providing select copies of the documentation to his chain of command. A cop with contempt of court proceedings and perjury charges pending against him is a huge liability on the witness stand. His chain of comand will NOT be happy to hear about things like that, and they will be able to put way more pressure on him to fly right than anything you or your lawyer can say or do.

Don't expect to hear anything about it on your side -- they will probably try to sweep it under the rug (unless you're successful with the perjury charges). But they will also be behind the scenes, kicking his butt and telling him to knock it off.

Just a warning, if your H is anything like mine, involving his chain of commandlike that will make recovery much more difficult if you ever get to that point. He's already accusing you of trying to ruin his career when he tried to commit suicide. So you'll hear it about this stuff, too. But as far as getting him to knock off the sickening antics right now, I think his chain of command is your best bet.

Good luck.

-AmI.