Tell him to kiss your A$$...

YOu got this SISTER! NO self-doubt here, K?

Look at all the stuff that has happened in my sitch with the Attorn.'s

First, court date canceled b/c of his lawyer...2nd one b/c of mine...was goign to do it the next day...POWS attorn. couldn't...

THen meeting today, judge recused himself...anything can happen here and your STBX is screwing up JUST LIKE MINE...let him!!!

LET HIM, do you hear me?

Stand Firm!

In my case, I'm just hoping to gain a little respect from POWS out of this...b/c he didn't respect me before this! And it not from him, then I've gained aWHOLE LOT OF RESPECT FOR MYSELF...why? B/C I stood my ground!

You got this!

Now, what do you want to nickname him? It can't be DB, dear brother! I was thinking Dung Beetle since you said it!!

What you think?

Does he like to wear woman's clothing or anything? Eat marshmellows funny or something? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

He is getting frustrated. He wants this settled as much as I do. He would like me to agree to some of the terms just temporarily so we get an agreement in place. Then he said we can go back to the judge and say, "See we tried it WH's way and this isn't working out because of x and y" then go for even less visitation or superivsed visitation. Basically, he doesn't want to have to go back to court. He is worried that I may get an even worse agreement if a judge is involved. I think that once I agree to something WH and his attorney will never let go of what I have agreed to and use that to push for even more ridiculous things in the divorce. This is where I need to make my stand I think.

Do you have all this crazy stuff documented with WH trying to commit suidice and stuff?

The more documentation that you ahve the better that you are...I think that I need to call in CJ here...

I think that she may be able to help a bit to...Cj was involved with a Spousal abuse support group...she may have some insight...

AmI's awesome too! We'll help you get throught this...

Rin

Well he is a police officer. He used to get really mad when I would make pig jokes to him. I used to say to mock him sometimes "I smell bacon!". There are so many possibilities! When I discovered his most recent affair, I came across a string of emails between OW and him. Basically the gist of the emails was OW stroking WH's ego by saying tons of ridiculous and exaggerated things to WH. The one I laugh about to this day involved her saying the following "I miss my love, my home, my own Vitruvian Man" and included a pic of Leonardo Da Vinci's Vitruvian Man in the email. I laughed till I almost wet my pants about that. I always pictured a more realistic pic, a Vitruvian Man with a big gut, bad breath, skinny legs, and a haircut that was bordering on resembling fat 70's Elvis. LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

LMAO...I'm talking about DV, things he's said to you, done?

Are you writing down everything that has taken place witht eh visitations?

You're calls to the police?

Where DS has hada bath, where she sleeps, etc?

Okay, lieslies...

I have reviewed your thread again, and I have a couple quick things I want to clarify. Will you go over these facts and see if I've missed anything??

* * * * * * * * * *

Approximately Thanksgiving of 2006, you found out that your WH is had been cheating on you with several women.

On 12/5/06 you confronted him about the infidelities, and he responded in typical WS style with raging, accusations, "How can I ever trust you again" and the OW is beautiful and everything I need. You two fought, you packed, he went to speak to OW...and supposedly he broke up with her.

On 12/7/06 you decided to "let it ride" through the holidays and deal with it in the new year.

During December 2006 you began exposing to his family, and he began violently raging.

You two fought all through Dec. 2006 and Jan. 2007. There were repeated broken attempts at NC. You demanded that he leave; he refused; the fights got more and more violent. During this time, you were DD2's primary caregiver.

In early Feb. 2007, he threw his cell phone against the wall in rage, and broke it to smithereens. He was screaming and raging in front of your DD2 so you decided it was too dangerous to stay. You began packing. He continued to rage and threaten in front of your small child.

DD2 was hysterical--you went to comfort her. WH went into his office, closed the door and put a gun into his mouth. You walked in on it. He was writing on a notepad and you perceived he was serious, so you called the police. When they arrived, they determined it was serious enough that they placed him under arrest and involuntarily committed him. (Since WH is a police officer, I assume these were officers he at least knew.)

He was committed for 10 days, and he was released in mid- to late-February. WH moved in with his parents "temporarily." In mid-March you visited him at his parents' home and saw OW's phone # on his phone. Two days later, he admitted he had been talking to OW even while still in the mental hospital. The A was still going on, and he blamed EVERYTHING on you. Furthermore, tried to say that you were trying to destroy his career by calling the police when he was attempting to commit suicide. While he was in the mental hospital, you cared for DD2 by yourself at the marital home.

April 2007 he began stalking you. He called you 30-40 times per day. He left vicious messages on VM, raging and screaming on a recording. He broke into the home. He stole property. He kicked in the basement door--damaging property. He cut the phone lines. During this month, you cared for DD2 by yourself in the marital home, while he was damaging the place where his daughter lived.

May 2007 you filed for a restraining order and a temporary order of protection was granted for you and DD2. You and your DD2 moved in with your parents out of fear. After all of this, you got a lawyer and filed for divorce. DD2 remained with you the whole time, and you were her primary caregiver.

Late May 2007 your lawyer says you that if you don't dismiss the order of protection for your daughter that the order would probably NOT be continued and that the court would appoint a Guardian Ad Litem (GAL) and request supervised visitation. You do want you DD to have a relationship with her father, and so you consider dismissing DD's order of protection.

Your lawyer and WH's lawyer work out a visitation arrangement for memorial weekend (May 26-28). WH was to have DD during memorial weekend and return DD2 by or before 9am Sunday, May 27. WH was to pay $400 CS at pickup. It was written down by WH's lawyer and sent to your lawyer. You agreed to the proposal. This agreement WAS in writing! WH did not bring the CS to pickup nor did he return DD2 at the agreed upon time. Thus, WH did not abide by the agreement that HE AND HIS OWN ATTORNEY proposed, wrote, and sent to you. They worded it in a way that they found appropriate and enforceable, and WH DID NOT ABIDE BY THE AGREEMENT.

You had a court date 6/4/07 for temporary custody orders. Prior to court WH's lawyer and your lawyer had worked out an agreement that WH would agree to order of protection for YOU, but that you would dismiss the one for your DD2 and instead request a GAL in the divorce case. Upon arriving at court, this SECOND agreement was reneged upon and WH refused to agree to the order of protection, refused to agree to CS, refused to agree to spousal support. It was a 6 hour slugfest. THIS IS THE SECOND AGREEMENT, proposed and written by WH and his own attorney, THAT WH DID NOT ABIDE BY!!

In the end (6/4/07)...he agreed to YOUR order of protection, you dismissed DD's order of protection with the caveat that you can request a GAL if needed, and the court ordered full CS and some spousal support. You agreed to 8 days/mo. visitation, 2 days/week to correspond to his days off. Pickup this week is to be at 7:45am Wednesday 6/6 at the police station...drop off at 6:30pm Thursday 6/7 at that police station. This temporary custody agreement IS IN WRITING and ORDERED BY THE COURT.

6/6/07 (just two days later) WH picks up DD2 and then refuses to follow the court order and keeps the DD2 in his custody. He uses DD2 to hurt you. THIS IS THE THIRD AGREEMENT THAT WH DID NOT ABIDE BY, and it was ordered by the court just two days earlier!!! During this time, WH is not off work--as he said to the judge--but at work and DD2 is at WH's mother's house. WH's mom is diagnosed mentally ill, and DD2 it is not a safe environment for DD2.

6/8/07 WH was court ordered to return DD2 at 6:30pm the night before. He says he will return DD2 at 7:45am today, and he does not do so. You are late to work waiting for him to honor his promise. YET AGAIN WH HAS REFUSED TO ABIDE BY AN AGREEMENT. THAT'S NUMBER FOUR. He is now in violation of the four-day-old custody order--and that is contempt. He will not answer calls from your lawyer, his own lawyer or the local police and the situation is on the verge of an emergency hearing and police involvement.

6/8/07 DD2 is returned in the evening (6:30pm??). WH is one entire day late in returning DD2 and has refused to obey the court order. At drop off, WH looked at you with contempt and said, "See you next week," then winked. During this time, WH was at work and DD2 was in the care of a diagnosed mentally ill person.

6/11/07 You look at WH's myspace page. On his page, his 16yo D is posting pornographic pics of underage girls. The girls in these photos are clearly underage and are also semi-naked. This is a crime, and as a police officer, he would know that. In Missouri it's called Sexual Misconduct involving a child--and MO Revised Statutes #566.083 (3) applies: "Knowingly coerces or induces a child less than fourteen years of age to expose the child's genitals for the purpose of arousing or gratifying the sexual desire of any person, including the child." This is a class D felony. Alternatively MO RS #566.151.1 (Enticement of a child) applies "A person at least twenty-one years of age or older commits the crime of enticement of a child if that person persuades, solicits, coaxes, entices, or lures whether by words, actions or through communication via the Internet or any electronic communication, any person who is less than fifteen years of age for the purpose of engaging in sexual conduct." Enticement of a child is also a felony. Considering BOTH of these possible charges, DD2 is not safe unsupervised in the custody of a possible child molester!

6/12/07 WH, through his lawyer threatens to take you (and your lawyer) back to court to modify the temporary agreement (which is now 8 days old)...in order to force 2 more overnight visits! Your lawyer responds to their demands by saying no.

6/13/07 They respond with demands you would NEVER agreee to--THREE days of visitation a week, drop the order of protection -or- add a clause that says he can call you, and require that you do all the driving for drop offs and pick ups. Although court-ordered 8 days ago to pay $400 CS at the first visition, WH has paid no CS or spousal support. That is contempt. Your lawyer is getting frustrated and wants to settle just to get it off his plate.

* * * * * * * * * *

lieslies--is that about it? Did I miss anything? Are you beginning to see the danger you are in?? WH as agreed four times, and of those agreements, two were proposed by HIM and HIS ATTORNEY, and one was ORDERED BY A COURT. Your WH is deeply dangerous, morally bankrupt, and violent. You can not reach an agreement with him and expect him to honor it...EVER!! Your attorney may be getting sick of the battling, but hit is his job to protect you from the danger that this man is presenting.

Now... do you see what I did up there? THAT is called documenting. Every time WH pulls something, you write it down. Make a list...write it on your calendar...do a daily journal...whatever!! But WRITE IT DOWN and then it is admissible in court as proof of his dangerousness. lieslies, the safety of your DD2 is in your hands. I know you hate to admit it to yourself, but your WH is abusive and violent, has mental stability issues, is controlling, and is most likely a child molester. Are you going to listen to your attorney whine because he's getting a little tired of it all? Are you going to let your DD2 stay unsupervised with a man who deserves 5-25 years in prison for sexual contact with a minor...and a lifetime of registering as a child sex offender...and a court order to stay 500 feet from any school or child-care center? Are you REALLY going to turn over and give him ANOTHER unsupervised overnight with your DD?? Knowing that he won't honor THAT agreement either--just to mess with your head??

Let him have all the money. Let him have the house...equity...boats, cars, or motorcycles. But by God, YOU STAND FIRM and defend your DD!!!!!!!!! She is only 2yo and will not have any tools to defend herself from a man like that!!! If they threaten court, YOU GO, and you submit this post as evidence that he is unstable. You DEMAND a GAL to protect your daughter. You REFUSE to give her over to him unless visitation is SUPERVISED. Lieslies, I care about you, hon, and I am dead serious about this. Either your attorney gets a spine AND SOON and starts defending you, or get your women's domestic violence shelter involved...IMMEDIATELY. He is pathological.

If you need to talk to me more off-forum, you can email me at the email address in my signature.

Your true and faithful friend,



CJ

What CJ said.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Thanks CJ! Alright LL, saddle up baby girl, YOU CAN DO THIS! we're all standing next to you!

Same goes for me on the contact off line! CJ, helped me out SOOO much, I called her and wrote several times...

Courage is not the absences of fear, but fear turned inside out!

Ditto CJ.

Also ....


Don't ever EVER agree to ANYTHING on the premise that "we can go back and change it later if it doesn't work". It is much, MUCH harder to go back and change something than that. Courts like "status quo" in custody situations, they will very rarely change an agreement. I've seen them refuse to change custody agreements in blatant and well-documented drug cases, abuse cases, and other pretty horrible situations. It's really, really hard to go back and get a change.

-AmI.

Thanks CJ, S4B, and AmI

CJ thank you so much, I know it took a lot of time for you to go through my story and really point out how awful things have been. I needed to see that. If possible, things have gotten worse in the past two days. I spent all day Wednesday and Thursday on the phone with my attorney trying to work this out with WH. I spent 30 minutes talking to my attorney late yesterday afternoon and he assured me that everything would be settled. We agreed to a 48 hour visitation period per week and to drop off at a police station that was midway between our homes. My attorney asked that I start keeping a log of visitation to keep track of things that WH is doing. I asked about the child support, and he told me that we could pursue contempt but that we would have to go back to court if we did that (he did not sound like he was interested in pursuing this issue). He also wanted to go over some financial stuff with me. I was broken down after that conversation. I just went home and went to bed last night. I woke up this morning and felt better, like things were going to be ok now. However, all that went out the window went I drove to pick up DD2. This is the email I sent my attorney outlining what happened. I think that if he doesn't back me this time I am going to look into getting another attorney. He is supposedly very experienced in dealing with domestic violence cases....Frankly if this is how he handles his domestic violence cases, no wonder most women don't file charges against their abusive partners.

HI, LL! Well, considering what you are going through right not, you are doing an amazing job! Pat yourself on the back! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Sweetie, I understand how difficult this is for you...the rollercoaster...some days are great and some days you are so physically and emotional drained...it does get better and the lenght between the valleys gets longer...

last Tues, I was feeling drained all the way around and then, the next few minutes, I had a burst of energy and was happy an able to smile...I don't get it but it does get easier!

I think that you are right about your Attorney...he works for YOU, and if you don't feel that he is doing his job well fire him...but first you may want to let him know how you are feeling...ask some questions...just to be sure that this is the way that he's feeling...and you are feeling...

As far as I see, you are right on point, the only thing I have to offer is: Is there someone that can drop off and pick up DD for you? I'm worried about your safety...perhaps the Spousal support group can suggest something or you said that you are at the police station right...what about having an office there, so that you can have a witness to his behavior and it's not just heresay?

just thinking out loud...wishing you well...you are fabulous! Keep up the great work! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

It is Father's Day. I am feeling bad about WH not getting to see DD2 today. I am trying to focus on not feeling guilty. I have to remind myself he is feeling the consequences from his choices now. I started cleaning out and packing up all WH's crap today to make myself feel better. I am amazed that all the times he broke into our house after we separated that he never thought to take his clothes, shoes, books, etc? Did he think he would be coming back soon? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> I was cleaning out the pockets of one of his suit jackets and found a fortune cookie fortune stuffed in one of the pockets. It said "You can have your cake and eat it too". LOL Guess he really took that advice to heart. Me thinks ancient Chinese wisdom missed the mark on that one. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> The pull to come out of plan B now is really strong. I had to stop myself several times this week when I started making plans for Father's Day for him. Now is not the time for that. Maybe next year. Sigh....

HI, LL...remember what I said about handing that guilt back over to him...

Well, here I AM AGAIN with a 1x4 this time...Sweetie, I understand how difficult it is to think that this is you sometimes and not him...

But he made his bed, full of guilt, lies, deception, disrespect for himself and others, all those nails stickign him in the back...

I'm not getting you to bad b/c ridding yourself of these feelings will come with time, and what you are going through is also normal, just a part of the ride...

As far as the making plans for Father's day for him...I just had the boy's call their dad...I think if he's not a good dad then that's his problem, the boy's didn't really seem happy about it to begin with...

Let the holidays ride where he's concern and DD...in as little as a year, she's going to see for herself what STBX is like, then you can make you choices with her frame of mind also...

We didn't make cookies for POWS and L didn't even ask aboutt hem, to busy swimming, going to the movies, running around today with the other kids, eating, adn WHATEVER else he did...he'll be 5 on the 29th, and F will be 9 this Thurs....

4 years, 8 days apart...what timing! LMAO...at least this year I didn't have to but POWS anything! Sperm donors don't really deserve anything huh? Especially when they really are @sses!!! LMAO

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I hear what you are saying S4B. I knew the guilt feelings were wrong when I was experiencing them, I just didn't know what to do with them. I too am still waiting to hear from my lawyer to see if we are going to court this week. I still haven't heard anything today. Waiting for something unpleasant to happen to you is maddening.

DD2 said some disturbing things to me this morning. She has been having trouble with all the back and forth between mom and dad's. She was talking about missing her dad and said "I want to go see my daddy and my new brothers and sisters". I was really upset by that. I can only assume the WH has been exposing her to OW and OW's children. Telling her that they are her brothers and sisters is really wacked. She is two and doesn't understand any of this. I really wanted to send WH an email and tell him to stop what he is doing. That our daughter is not an extension of him, that he is only upsetting and confusing her with his behavior. I doubt he would listen to me in his state of mind. He has become religiously wayward. I have a feeling the fallout from their breakup will be tremendous when it does happen. I can only hope for my daughter's sake that it happens soon.

Well it is official; I have hit bedrock and cannot sink any lower. My mother finally called to talk to me today after not speaking to me since after I filed for an order of protection. I saw her at my step niece’s birthday party over the weekend and she was totally frosty to me. I was discussing all the work I am doing on my home to get it ready to sell and she said "Well, I didn't know you were selling your house?” HELLO, EARTH TO MOM...DO YOU READ ME....I AM GETTING A DIVORCE! She was totally unsupportive when I told her I was filing in May. She said, "Well, you shouldn't make rash decisions, you may regret it later." All I could say was, "Do you really expect me to stay married to someone I had to file a restraining order against?” People like my mother are the reason I quit going to church for almost ten years.

She called me at work today to tell me that my grandmother's cancer surgery went okay. They did a radical mastectomy on her left breast, and are waiting for biopsy results on the lymph nodes now. I should have just ended the conversation there. For some reason I felt compelled to discuss what I have been going through for the last few weeks, as if she would care. This is how our conversation went......

1. When I told her WH is fighting me on every little thing in the divorce and refuses to follow what he did agree to she said “Well, what did you expect?”
2. She refuses to believe any of the stuff he has done and implied that I was trying to get even with him and made it up. She told me that I should stop trying to punish him. I guess maybe I should have stayed married to my abusive, cheating, lying, insane husband just so her life wouldn’t be inconvenienced.
3. She thinks that I should not fight WH in our divorce and just give in to him and settle. I guess this is so I can be treated like sh*t, taken advantage of and suffer financially, emotionally, and watch my daughter be used as a pawn in a game to further hurt me. Good Plan. Let me write that one down. Maybe I should forward her the recto-cranial extraction procedure listed here on the boards. She appears to be in need of the procedure. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

She didn’t even want to listen to all that I have been through the last couple of weeks. She does not care. It is just too upsetting to her delicate mind. What a crock. She is sick, really sick. Then she tried to say that “I just don’t see things the same way you do” after I accused her of not supporting me and worrying more about what everyone thought rather than trying to be a good supportive mother. I really hope nothing ever happens to her, because after this I am putting her in a home. She is on her own. See how she likes spending her incontinent years in a stinking diaper in a nursing home because she treated her kids like crap and was never there for them when they needed her. Maybe I should just let go of all the abuse and torment I have suffered and just pretend it didn’t happen. That would be better for everyone else, and then they wouldn't have to listen to my upsetting stories. Well after our touching conversation I just hung up on her. All I really wanted was for her to tell me everything was going to be okay. Why couldn't she just do that?

The really stinky part of this whole situation is that WH's mother is my mother's former high school best friend. It is almost like she is sending me the message that she has put her vote in for the dark side. WH isn't the only alien in my life apparently. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Well, i'm sorry to hear that this is happening too...

Small town? Super religious mother?

You understand that her thinking is about her and not about what you are doign...it's about what she would do and appraently she's not strong enough to do what you are...

no boundaries, living in denial...I'm SOOOO sorry...

Part of this was your expectations and that hurt...I've been there, I completely understand...

YOU know that you are doing the right thing...it would be great to have she support, especailly in a time like this...

I didn't have my mom for years b/c of POWS...no mom when I graduated college, was pg for my first son, or second when I had complications, and ended up having to have an emergenct c-section b/c of my lower blood pressure and my son's heart rate dropping...

We're better now and she'll really supportive NOW...but that doesn't change a few facts...F will be 9 tomorrow and L will be five next week...and there ages MAY reflect how many times that she has seen them...

What's done is done...point to the story is that no matter how bad it hurts...and I feel you...you know that you will take care of you and DD and WILL survive...

I'm truely sorry that I was so into myself yesterday that I missed your post...

(((((((((LL))))))))))))

You are one classy lady, protecting yourself and DD, strong...I'm proud to know YOU! I really feel connected with you, and you remind me sooo much of me...

You inspire me! I watch the crapballs being thrown at you and you are gracefully moving out of the way and taking the next step forward...holding your head high!

Watching you encourages me and for that I thank you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Take care!

Hi,

Sorry to hear that your mom is not supportive. Knowing that, it is best to remove her from your support group. Don't be vengeful, she just may not be equipped to know how to help you. Some parents are harder on their children for unknown reasons (I know....got some <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> ). Still as the children, I know I am there for them despite the fact that both myself and my family (including their ONLY grandchild) has been called 'disappointing' by my own father. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

My parents were never a part of my support group when my H was a WS. Never. They don't know all that I went through and they never ever offered me any support. Remember I am 'disappointing' to them for other reasons. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

So I am telling you from my experience....it is best you get your support elsewhere. If and when your mother decides to treat you well, you decide then if you want her help or not. Try hard NOT t/b vengeful. Understand she is not capable of being a good mother to an adult child. Some just can't. I know mine can't. Sad but true.

take care,
L.

Thanks Orchid and S4B!

Yeah, I certainly had myself a little meltdown after talking with my mother. She just picked a really crappy time to remind me of her shortcomings as a parent. S4B, my mother also missed my college graduation, every school sport or activity that I ever particpated in, my wedding, and used the money my parents saved for the kid's college fund to redmodel the house. I had to work three jobs to put myself through school. Consequently, I am the only one of her three children that has an advanced degree. My mother is just selfish and incapable of empathy at times. It is kind of ironic that she happens to be an ordained minister. I always wondered how she managed to minister to folks in the hospital, or that were down on their luck. Did she fake it?

I do have my sister and a good friend from work that I can talk to when I need to. I am lucky to have them. She tries to talk me through it all, but MB has been my saving grace. You all know what I am going through, and are proof that I can make it through the storm of crapballs that are being hurled at me.

WH is desperately trying to get me to come out of plan B. He sent me a little e-mail "love" letter last night. He basically said in the nastiest way possible that the efforts our attorneys have gone through in the last three weeks to try and reach a new temporary custody agreement have been a big 'ol waste of time. He refuses to sign the new agreement that we have worked out. WH has gone back to insisting that he gets the third day of visitation and that he "will follow the original agreement" that he thinks states he gets a third day every week, but doesn't. He has told his attorney to disregard all correspondance from my attorney. The whole email was threatening and used to take digs at me in our divorce battle. Email correspondance by order of the court is for emergencies only. Guess sticking it to me in our divorce battle constitutes and emergency in the now devoutly wayward mind.

I forwarded the message to my attorney with this message:

To which my attorney responded:



Which led to....



So I am waiting still with no agreement in place, and a visitation scheduled for tomorrow. I know I am going to have to prepare myself for a fight again on Monday evening when he doesn't return her. I am just getting so tired and worn down. I feel like this battle has been going on forever. I guess it has been going on since D-day except then I was fighting for my marriage instead of to protect DD2. I need to find some courage this weekend so I can do what needs to be done on Monday. I hope that I see and end to this soon. I am starting to fantasize about woodchippers. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

OH NO!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Not WOODCHIPPERS!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> (pssssssst...I think chrisner loaned it to Rin) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

(((((((((((((((((((((lieslies)))))))))))))))) I just thought a big 'ol hug was appropriate. I'm sorry your mom has a rectal-cranial inversion, but from this point forward just assume that she's insane and don't expect anything from her in the way of support cuz it ain't coming!

It's funny, actually, because my mom was the exact same way. My exH was physically, emotionally, verbally and mentally abusive--and my mom was an insane, bible-thumping, judgemental hypocrite preaching fire and brimstone in the name of "christianity." Well...when she found out we were divorcing, I thought she might preach at me about how it's "unbiblical" and the like, but I was not prepared for what she did do. She was FURIOUS with me for not stringing him up by the cajones and emasculating him in every humiliating way possible. I mean, I'm worldly-wise and some of the stuff she wanted me to do to him scared me!!

Needless to say, like you I got through my divorce with the help of MB and my friends who were sistahs by choice and not by blood-relation. I decided that God was forming a new, supportive family for me! And He's doing that for you too, lieslies!! Rin and I can be your sistahs--and I think I'm the oldest sistah!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Regarding your WH and the restraining order and all the crap he's pulling with visitation and CS, I know it is impossibly hard to do so, but just take a breath and let him dig his own grave. It doesn't seem as if DD is in immediate physical danger, and it DOES seem as if your attorney is on top of it and has a good handle on what is going on and what is not acceptable. Yes, the wheels of justice DO grind...they just grind slowly. So for the time being, let WH have contempt for the court-ordered visitation again (and probably every week until the settlement conference with the judge) and just document exactly what happened, what he said and did, when she was taken for drop-off and where, when she was returned for pickup and where, etc. Be as factual as you can--not emotional--but be SPECIFIC. Note Who, What, Where, Why, When and How just as if you were a reporter.

Most important of all, though, I want to re-iterate something to you that I know you already know...YOU ARE NOT CRAZY!!! This man is dangerous, abusive, controlling and manipulative, and no matter what anyone says (including your crazy mom) you are safer and better off away from him. I can see it and so can Rin and so can other abuse-survivors.

Your faithful friend,



CJ

I w/b very cautious about your dd's time w/her dad. He doesn't seem rational.

How about supervised visitation?

Right now the WS is all about control so no matter how accommodating you try t/b, he will say it is not enough or it is wrong.

Be safe.

L.