WH left 2 1/2 years ago and has been living with OW nearly all that time. D papers were filed in April of '05. Since that time he has made no effort whatsoever to get things finalized. We went to mediation which was a waste of time.

Anyway...I sent him an email basically telling him that I was ready to move on and begin looking for another relationship and that it was time for him to set a court date...I felt like it was his responsibilty since he is the one who wants out. THis is the response I got...

First of all...the court date he mentions was simply a docket call I told him about. I suggested that would be a good time to get a court date set...it is just when the lawyers go in front of the judge and work out a time. The litigants don't go...so obviously he never even followed up with his atty on that.

Does any of this ring less than true with anyone else? Keep in mind that if getting his name off the mortgage was such a priority...he has had over two years to do it.

If I was sure that he was really done...then I would go ahead and set a date myself. But it is hard for me to be objective.

I've been through something similar with my WAH. He was obviously not pushing the D for a long time and when I requested he move forward, he replied with almost the same phrases as yours did! My take is that he is reacting to being called out on his procrastination and had to reassert that he does indeed want the divorce. WAH even blamed me for the delay though the ball was clearly in his court. But then everything is always my fault in his new universe!

So how did it work out? Did you end up getting it done yourself?

Peachblossom,

When I was going through my divorce, the judge ruled that I had to put the house on the market. I was given the option of refinancing in my name and buying XWH out (giving him half of the equity). I could not afford to refinance in my name only, so the house went on the market. My XWH also insisted that the house had to be out of his name, same reasons that your WH gave you.

Can you refinance the loan in your name only? Who's paying the house note? Is your WH paying child support now? Do you have a temporary agreement in place?

gaslighted,

Yes we do have a temp agreement and I have repeatedly offered to settle for just keeping our current arrangement until our youngest it 18 (3 years), at which time we sell the house. I make the mortgage payment from his support payments.

My atty has told me, although there are no guarantees, he believes that a judge would find that very reasonable. He has seen similiar judgements. I really don't have an issue with selling the house, anyway.I'd rather not at this point, but if that is decided, then that is what I will do. WIth the market the way it is here...it could take 3 years to sell anyway. ANd my parents have already told me that would help me with refinancing if I wanted to.

My point is that if getting his name off the mortgage was so important to him...and he is so sure that a judge would rule that way...then what is he waiting for???. He has had over 2 years to do that. I could miss a mortgage payment at anytime.

He claims he is not "delaying anything" which I guess is technically true, be neither is he doing anything to get on with what he says he wants.

My point is that if getting his name off the mortgage was so important to him...and he is so sure that a judge would rule that way...then what is he waiting for???. He has had over 2 years to do that. I could miss a mortgage payment at anytime.

peach,

He cannot simply walk into the bank and ask that his name be removed from that mortgage. That is not the way that it works. He is responsible for that mortgage until it is paid off....through whatever channels that is, paid off, refinance or being bought out.

jmho
committed

Ditto committed. I agreee with your atty that there are no guarantees. If that is your only sticking point, why not just refinance in your name and negotiate, if you have to, to buy him out at a later date? What do you want? Do you want a divorce? If not, and you're satisfied with the way things are then don't push the issue. If it's important enough to him, he'll get the ball rolling.

I realize that, but not doing anyting isn't getting his name off the mortgage either. All he has to do is get a court date. The worst that could happen is that he is no worse off than he is now...with his name on it for 3 more years. But not doing anything keeps his name on the mortgage indefinitely.


That is the problem. At this point, I am not sure what I want. His lack of action up to this point and his lame excuses for not doing anything tell me that it isn't important enough to him...and if it isn't what he really wants then how long am I willing to just wait him out?


I have considered it and is problably what I will have to do to get him to commit one way or the other.