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WW left for drinks/dinner with a female friend around 4pm. I called WW around 5pm and insisted on speaking to female friend. I did, and it sounds legit. I told female friend, "sorry to bother you, but WW has been having an affair for 6 months and I can't tolerate the idea that she is with him right now". WW took the phone back before I could talk further.
WW called me at 6pm and said she's going to dinner now. It is now 9:30pm. I took care of the kids all night (as I always do when she's out having her fun). Fed them. Changed diapers. Played with them. Gave baths. Put them to bed. Read them stories. Sang them lullabies. Kissed them good night on their foreheads. All in a day's work for me. WW is still out with no sign of coming back.
How am I supposed to handle this? Remember, WW says she wants a D, so she has incentive to hurt me repeatedly so that I might finally give up.
BS (me) : 33yo
WW: 37 yo
married 5 yrs
dday Nov 4 '06
affair started Dec '05 with kiss, Summer '06 for full PA
affair ended Nov 1 '06
daughter 4.5 yrs
daughter 1.5 yrs
OP was supervisor at work
C reduced 11/11 after WW left job and went to new company. There has been "friendly" email C since.
NC email sent on 11/26
Making some progress as of 12/13
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Is she back? Has she told you where she has been? Gosh, I don't know what to think about this....did you check her cellphone to see if any calls were made to OM?
God Bless
A
"If God brings you to it, He will get you through it."
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From here, sounds a lot like what I was going through. The WW would leave for something, anything, and would be gone for hours. Hard to account for her time, and the time she slipped and didn't quite sell her story to me quite right, found 3 hours unaccounted for. Later found out she had relations in the family car.
I remember those exact thoughts, and like you, I have kids as well. I found comfort in the fact that I was the parent at home with them while she was out there, doing what ever. Part of me wanted to believe her stories, the the majority knew something was wrong.
I say if she wants a D, give her one. It wasn't until I filed and moved out with custody, I started to see the whole thing from the outside in. Seen her for what she really is, something cheaper than a prostitute, at least they get paid for it.
"Integrity is not a conditional word. It doesn't blow in the wind or change with the weather. It is your inner image of yourself, and if you look in there and see a man who won't cheat, then you know he never will." - John Macdonald
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I'm doing ok. She did go to his house after dinner with the friend, minutes after telling the friend that the "A" is over. I got hold of the friend at 10:30pm and she confirmed they left the restaurant at 8pm. She was surprised that WW wasn't home yet, and offered to call WW and let me know as soon as she was able to find out more.
WW returned home a few minutes later and confirmed that she had gone to OM's house, but that he wouldn't answer any of her calls. She says she saw him sitting there in his house ignoring her call, so she was too humiliated to knock on the door.
Who knows what to believe at this point. It is very possible that OM has had enough now that the A is no longer secret. He was the one who ended the A even before my D-Day. WW is convinced that I contacted OM and wants to see the communication. She offered everything from SF to going to church with me and the family in the morning if I would just show her the email. I told her I have nothing to show. She flipped me off and went to bed.
TF
BS (me) : 33yo
WW: 37 yo
married 5 yrs
dday Nov 4 '06
affair started Dec '05 with kiss, Summer '06 for full PA
affair ended Nov 1 '06
daughter 4.5 yrs
daughter 1.5 yrs
OP was supervisor at work
C reduced 11/11 after WW left job and went to new company. There has been "friendly" email C since.
NC email sent on 11/26
Making some progress as of 12/13
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Tom Fool,
Once again...email me at the address in my signature line.
Mr. Wondering
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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Here is some toughts for you!
Look down and what do you see?? ****EDIT******
Start to pick them up ,and then start to put your foot down!
Last edited by Justuss; 11/26/06 01:35 PM.
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If OM showed himself for the cad he is and has already dumped her, she'll realize in time that that was the best thing that could have happened to her because sooner or later he would have shown his true colors.
Treat her with tenderness no matter what she does. She blames you for the affair, which is why she is so angry at you. She can't face the choices she made.
Respectful
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This is from Mrs. JKG who is a FWW.
This may have been the best thing that could have happened right now for your relationship. Maybe now she can start to get the OM out of her system with your help. She needs you to be the man who she fell in love with so she can do it all over again. This is your opportunity, a door just cracked open, and you need to jump on this NOW.
Go and buy her perfume, flowers, send her love notes. Take her away for a week end and just have fun together, only the 2 of you., what ever you can think of that likes to do. Do the kind of things you did when you were dating. Tell her the things you have always thought but never expressed about your love for her. Think of the things that first attracted you to her because those are still there even today. Tell why she is so desireable now.
Get busy with the Plan A big time. Make yourself the one she wants to be with. Knock her off her feet again with the love you have for her NOW!!!!
It may take time but you can Win her back!!!!!
Be loving and patient!!!!!!!
Last edited by JustKeepGoin; 11/27/06 12:16 AM.
JKG
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Tom, Perhaps this quote from mlhb may make some sense of your WW's actions. It may not match up perfectly with your situation but she gives an insightful explanation for a WW's temperment.Your WW now realizes she really is trying to put two pounds of poo in a one pound bag. she is angry and resentful because you screwed up her whole life by leaving. she had a good thing going and she knows it. she did not have to change or look at herself at all while you were married and living together. it was status quo. you left, and now she is going to start realizing exactly what she is losing. part of her may regret not being a better wife. deep down anyway. i think she is really angry at herself but it is easier to take it out on you and blame you then take any of the blame herself. it is much easier to focus her energy on hating you and making you pay for ending the marriage than it is for her to get her a** to a counselor and get the help she needs. she is pissed gekko, you ruined everything for you. she could have her cake and eat it to with you. you provided the lifestyle and she didn't have to do anything for it. she could live comfortably, but cold and unsupportive, be controlling, physically and emotionally abandon you. you weren't supposed to fight back and say this is enough! i will not be treated this way. you were supposed to go along with it forever.
is she crazy? clinically i do not know. she is crazy angry and pissed. now she has to start over and find someone else she can control and someone else who will take care of her and someone else who will put up with her bs of no physical and emotional contact. good luck to her search on that. she knows what buttons to push with you. your finances
Divorced:
"Never shelter anyone from the realities of their decisions": Noodle
You believe easily what you hope for ernestly
Infidelity does not kill marriages, the lying does
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Hey TF!
How are you Doing?
WTF
*** Warning *** Make sure brain is engaged before shifting mouth out of Neutral.
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Hi WTF,
I am doing OK. I have had to do a lot of thinking over the last few days. I've had time to absorb some of the realities of the A, what it all means, how we got to this point, and what I can do now. I'm still committed to doing what I can to someday make this M what it should have been all along.
I am settling in for what lies ahead now. An NC email was sent 2 days ago. WW is grieving, and needs plenty of time to heal. I will continue working on being the best H and person I can be and just try to be there for her however I can while she goes through a very difficult time.
Wish us luck.
TF
BS (me) : 33yo
WW: 37 yo
married 5 yrs
dday Nov 4 '06
affair started Dec '05 with kiss, Summer '06 for full PA
affair ended Nov 1 '06
daughter 4.5 yrs
daughter 1.5 yrs
OP was supervisor at work
C reduced 11/11 after WW left job and went to new company. There has been "friendly" email C since.
NC email sent on 11/26
Making some progress as of 12/13
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Posts: 813
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good luck buddy.
plan A your heart out.
be still.
It can and will get better.
Trust God.
be her rock now.
Be her lighthouse.
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Good Luck TF!
Don't be a stranger, post back and let us know how you are doing.
Even if you just need to vent we are as far away as your keyboard.
WTF
*** Warning *** Make sure brain is engaged before shifting mouth out of Neutral.
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