in_pain, like Orchid said, most of us on these forums have stood in your shoes. We know the pain, way too well. But no one here gave up. People here before us extended a hand to us. People her lent us a shoulder to lean on. Nearly everyone here has had the very same darkness try to take over their lives.

This is truly much more than a Marriage Building site. It, perhaps foremost, is a personal growth site. That, because most of us have to experience personal growth in many ways, before we are strong enough to fight for our marriages.

Purchase and read "Surviving an Affair" by Dr. Willard Harley, founder of this site. It will give you insight as to why marraiges become vulnerable, and how the dynamics of an affair work...which in turn give you the knowledge (read as the POWER) to fight the affair.

None of us are to blame for the choices our spouses made, when they chose to enter into an affair. However, most of us were guilty of "something" that was not conducive to a solid and secure marriage. Read about Harley's Plan A. Plan A is many things, but one of the most important things it is, is a plan for self-improvement. Taking an honest look at yourself, and begin to make changes that would make you a better spouse.

The knowledge you will gain by reading "Surviving an Affair" will empower you and make you stronger. Committing yourself to positive change in your contributions to your marriage will also empower you. You must work on you first. If you are already on AD's you should have your prescription checked and make sure it it accurate. If you have an IC, you should tell them about your dark thoughts, and talk about them in your next appointment.

Make this a time of personal growth, first for yourself, and secondly for your marriage and children. You deserve it. You are important. Look at how many people have read this thread. People here care about others, and have a desire to help others through this troubling experience. Just because people cannot reach out and touch you in person, does not mean they won't be "there" for you. These forums can be a blessing beyond what I can describe with mere words. Stick around and learn, and live, and grow with us.

Never give up hope...

Best wishes,
SD

in pain? are you ok? please talk to us....

She posted on her other thread.

She is doing ok.

She is trying to gather her courge and strength to do wht she needs to do about exposure.

Post deleted by LoveGod

LoveGod:

Thank you so much; I really appreciate your support. I may be calling you soon! I wrote down your number, so I do have it if I need to talk. Thank you. I'm sorry I have two threads going at the same time. I'm new at this and I really don't know what I'm doing yet.

I called the OW's parents and I'm worried I made a mistake. My husband is going to be absolutely FURIOUS with me and I don't know what I'm going to say to him when I see him. I'm scared. I'm afraid he is going to walk out; there's actually a good chance of it.

That's why I was so scared to do it in the first place; I'm afraid I will regret it.

In Pain - you will not regret it.

Your marriage can survive his anger. It can not survive an ongoing affair. Exposure is the simgle most effective weapon to end an affair.

IP, call me anytime...I am here..day or night...

My husband is going to be absolutely FURIOUS with me and I don't know what I'm going to say to him when I see him. I'm scared. I'm afraid he is going to walk out; there's actually a good chance of it.

In Pain, this was the bravest act a BS can perform. When i exposed to OM's GF Squid was highly abusive,told me she would be gone with the children when I got home, she'dalways thought I was a loser, now she was certain of it and much more venom I can't post here.

Yet she did not leave and I felt a faint itch in my right palm, as the control of my life passed back to me from her and OM.


WS thrash about like snapped snakes when exposed. More to the point they behave like 9 year olds who have been playing " docotors and nurses" in the dark, thenMom comes in and turns on the light !:) It takes BRAVE naughty child to continue to play in Mom's plain sight !

The fastest horses don't always win races but you should bet on them anyway. Exposing is the fastest horse in ending an affair.

You did well here. Can you not find details of somebody in OWs life whao might have an influence on her - i.e. Spouse, BF, Parents, employers ? Exposure to THEM might be very effective indeed.

You need to stay frosty I_P. Its going to be rough sialing for a while ( as if it wasnt anyway).

When he rages at you for exposing just reply " I am sorry you are angry. I did what I thought was right for our marriage. " That worked for me with Squid.

All blessings

In pain...

are you saying that God himself placed you unto this earth for on sole purpose...

to be happy in life only if and when with your husband...

that is your reason for being ?
and that is your reason for happiness....?

you stand worthy of many things and all of them inspite of who and where your husband is, or is with....

You need to seek your own sovereignity....and claim it...
otherwise you are most susecptable to false recovery and settling way way way below your means...

I for one can not understand placing any of your self worth on to the actions of a liar, a deceiver and someone who wrenches such pain from their own actions...

perhaps you need to step back a bit..
and seek yourself first...
independant of him......

your worth on this earth has nothing to do with his giving or taking anything from you..

you are giving him power he does not have...

ARK

Just an update for her
She exposed to the OW's parents. She also sent an email to the office. She has the memos ready to go to all of the employees.
She is going to expose to her BIL and SIL today. Her dad is planning to speak to him as well.

She sounded much stronger last night.

Keep posting to her guys, she is really listening.

IP, good for you!!!! Bravo for exposing....give yourself a give pat on the back b/c that is a very hard step to take...You go girl!!! I am proud of you !!!!Now just stand your ground w/ your WH...he is gonna yell, cuss, scream, tell you all sorts of terrible things but do not believe it...I think i read it somewhere, believe nothing what your WS says, and only 50% of what you see...ANd if he walks out, ok, just breathe and pray and pray....he will be back...mark my word...he will...and don't regret exposing...don't ever regret doing something for yourself...Good job !!!!!!

Thank you so much for your support LoveGod and everyone! My husband knows that I exposed to the OW's parents. I'm sure he is absolutely furious. I will be going home to face that tonight. I'm so scared. But, I do feel a little stronger thanks to all of you. I just hope I can get through this confrontation. I am so fearful he will leave. I don't know what I'll do then. I'll come back here and ask for help is what I'll do first. I don't know what I would do without all of you. I really wish I would have found this site sooner.

I am absolutely terrified. This is the hardest thing I ever had to go through. And, I'm constantly wondering if I'm doing the right thing or if I'm handling it correctly. I love my husband, but he can't keep treating me like this. I just don't know what I'll do without him though. He's been my whole life. It's hard to remember life without him. We used to have such an amazing relationship. All I ever wanted to be was a wife and a mom. I want more kids; I only have one. My whole future and my dreams have been destroyed. How do you move past that?

I'll tell you what I've told everyone else in your situation. I exposed my WW to all of her friends, family, coworkers, boss (it started with a coworker before he left the company), and the OM's parents. My WW was FURIOUS! We had a counseling session already scheduled for the next day, and she used it as an opportunity to tell me it was OVER and how wrong I was for exposing her personal life to her boss and telling the OM's parents. She started calling lawyers and told me that she was filing for divorce the following week. Well, only FIVE days after I exposed her, she agreed to NC with the OM. She is still pissed off about the exposure (3.5 weeks ago), but we are definitely making positive steps toward recovery. You are doing the right thing. Don't worry about it. This happens with all the time with WSes. They will be FURIOUS and spout off the most hateful drivel you can imagine, but they will rarely follow it up with any actions. You will be okay!

- Jim

My wife's 12 month EA, 3 month PA ended in 4 days after exposure.

I hope you're both right. I hope this has a positive impact for us. Please take a look at my other thread. I got a text message from a friend that really bothers me. I posted it on there. Sorry for the two posts. Let me know what you think about that, please.

I encourage you to read papaof3's experience. He spent 6 days in a ward and was feeling as low as you. It was a positive experience for him to get help. Do so if you need to. Here is the link:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...&PHPSESSID=

Try to stay strong. Many of us have been in your shoes. It does get better.

If I were addicted to something, I would have a hard time giving it up, too. He likes having his cake and eating it too. Of course he doesn't to give the affair up. He's in too deep. Hopefully, he'll eventually come around. The research indicates that 80% of people who had affairs eventually wind up with their BS. He's in the fog right now. You just have to accept that.

- Jim

Let's see, let me dig out my list........

Your husband will probably say this is the last straw, it was not your business to tell the OW's parents, he might have worked on the marriage, but now he is DONE, he wants a divorce, you are CRAZY, how could you do this to the OW/her parents, and, my favorite - HE WILL NEVER TRUST YOU AGAIN.

Whatever he says, let him know you will do what it takes to save your family. Repeat it like a broken record. Don't argue with him.

Please check back with us, so I can add his statements to my list, for future people who expose.

LOL Believer. Right on!

IP, what has happened so far? Is he home yet?