After I got married for 2 years, I had an affair with my office staff in year 2002 for 3 months, I wasn't sure who I wanted so I brought this woman to see my wife. After the "showhand", I realized that I only wanted to be with my colleague becoz she help me a lot in my job and the person I really love is my wife. I ended the affair and quit the job joined another company just to get her completely out of my life. My wife said she forgive me and gave me a chance to get back together. I was really happy and thankful for having such a wonderful wife, and we had our first baby in year 2003.

3 weeks ago, Nov 2006, I finally found out that my wife was having an affair with another guy since 2002, they started because my wife didn't really forgive me and wanted to take revenge, she thought by having a fling with this guy, she will feel better. Somehow, things got worst, every little lies added up to a bigger lies, although they break up for almost 2 years while my wife is pragnant and about 10 months after my son was borned. They started seeing each other again until I found out their relations 3 weeks ago, while I accidentaly read her office email while I visited her for lunch. Not only that, they actually transmitted STD to me and I thought I was the one who brought the STD back to my family since 2004.

My wife finally admitted everything, including staying over at that guy place while I was away working, and check into hotel etc. But she said, they only see each other every 2-3 months, and she said she has stopped seeing him for 3 months since July this year. My wife even brought me to see that guy and I asked my wife who she really love and she said me. I did not whack that guy but instead begged him not to love my wife anymore and asked him not to break my family apart.

I actually bought my wife a diamond ring on the next day and proposed to her again to marry me. She said yes.

After 4 weeks, thing are going ok and my wife told me that she is so thankful that I accepted her back and given her a new life, the wonderful family life that she always wanted. She said she is glad that there are no more secret, and she said she was suffering as she had to hide this from me for so long and now she can see in the eye as there are no more secret. She told me the reason she did it was because she was so afraid that I don't love her and she is just using that guy as a substitute and seeking little comfort while she can hide from all reality, stress, jobs, being a mother and wife.

I know I love her very much as I have accepted her back, but I still feel very hurt everytime reality kicks in. I know I shouldn't think about it at all but somehow it is not that easy to forget. I got paranoid if she didn't pick up the phone, or coming back late from work, I get angry if she has a evening appoint with client, I blood go boiling whenever some client calls her after working hours. And I go crazy everytime I get herpes outbreak.

HELP ME!

ahtan,

I'm sorry you find yourself in this position. You and your wife have a lot of work to do. I would read His Needs/Her Needs...together if you can. Surviving an Affair is also on the reading list. Spend at least 15 hours a week with each other. Listen to the veterans on this site.

If you don't get much interaction on this, you may want to re-post in General Questions II as there is a lot more attention paid to it.

Good luck

hi ahtan
i'm writing to advice u to try overcome ur worries and anger regarding ur wife...i noticed ur story while looking at advice in this site. and it's almost exactly like my story...and being the wife here i'm sure ur wife loves u v much and would never do something like this again...
i understand her feelings regarding ur previous affair and how it makes her feel not loved by u..and trying to find revenge and at the same time comfort by her affair..but i assure u..if the case is like me..this affair was nothing at all....he didnt mean anyting to her..her only mistake same as mine is that she said she forgave u when she didnt! and she did that only bec she loves u so much ...and same for u..u love her so much too that's y u forgave her quickly but dont do the same mistake again and forgive and not forgive at the same time bec then the circle will never end....

for me..my husband just knew while i'm travelling for visit to my family about my previous relationship with a guy at work..which actually stopped one year ago with no intention to return...and it actually started as revenge as well..kept growing..then decided it had to stop..that was before my husband knew...then he was helping me to copy my files for fixing my computer when he saw all my msn chat with that guy..he sort of memorized everything he read..and he's in complete shock.. he doesnt seem to forgive me at all so far! ..i hope since u have similar situation to tell me wt to do to make him forgive me..i told him everythiung frankly and sent the guy an email asking him not to contact me again and that i love my husband and dont love him (with bcc to my husband)..dont know what to do..
pls advice..
and remember u have something beautiful since u both llove each other a lot..so try not ruin that and put all ur energy in havbing the best life together with no worries and jealousy..
good luck

Hi shks....sorry it took me so long to reply coz I have re-post this topic to General Question II.

Actually is hard to forgive and forget, as much as I would like to believe that I have forgiven her and forgotten everything, at times, I feel sudden pains inside me.

And no matter how hard my wife tried, things are not the same again, she will never be the wife I always wanted again. And is sad coz over the last 6 years, I thought I am the luckiest guy in this world to married such an good wife and right now, I am stuck with this woman I love but not the woman that I really want to be a wife.