I need some help navigating my way through my recent out of the blue problem. My husband is 37 and we have been married for 15 years - have 2 boys 15 and 9. 6 months ago he got a tatoo started staying out late and drinking. 3 months ago he got a harly and proceeded to wreck it the first day he rode it. 6 weeks ago i heard him on the phone with a "friend" from work telling her how he realized that he was into her when they had all gone to a company function. The week following he was staying out all night was very rude and mean when asked where he was. He then told me (because "I pushed him") that he was not happy anymore - loved me but was not in love with me anymore and would like for us to live together as friends for the children or like roommates. Of course I said that if that was what he truly wanted he could not be in our home because I still love him as much as the day we were married. He took 5 shirts 5 pants and has not been back since. He says that this is what he has to do to be happy. I am devistated. I have been seeing a counselor since the week before he left. He has been gone for almost 5 weeks and I really do not believe that he is coming back and i dont know what my next step should be.

Welcome, Burlyone...to MarriageBuilders.

Your H is showing a lot of red flags for being in an affair. Consider posting in Infidelity General Questions II forum...gets a lot of traffic and a lot of help.

Get "Surviving An Affair" by Dr. Harley...in it, you'll find Plan A and Plan B...you need to get the facts of his affair...who he's having it with, are they married, is this a coworker...because best way to save your marriage is to expose the affair to everyone...especially the OP (other person) spouse, employer, etc.

To expose is to share truth...bring light to a dark secret...because your WH (wayward husband) is attacking your marriage.

Seems to me, you want to stand for your marriage. You can. I did. Many others have...and we now have thriving marriages for the first time...

You're in excruciating pain from betrayal, lies and abandonment...we've been there. We know it. You're not alone. Due to extreme emotional crisis, it was hard to think, plan, even hope...I found that here. I found great guidance, support, understanding and honesty...which led me to choose to live my life honestly, from respect...and that has changed everything.

You already have done two critically important things...

You got counseling right away...shows you know about self-care...

and you came here.

You can do this.

In your corner,

LA