Well I just realized while putting the stockings on our mantle this morning, that I'll be filling my own stocking this year. I know it's such a silly thing, but WH always filled my stocking Christmas Eve, and I his, so the kids see that Santa filled all of our stockings. This year I will fill my own. How sick is that?

Seeing all the families out shoppping and cutting down Christmas trees this past weekend, just made me feel so sad. I've been crying all weekend.

How I wish I could fast forward through the holidays. My kids of course are looking forward to it and I have to pretend that I am too. Act all happy and all. But I so dread it.

Fake it till you make as they say. That's what I've been doing for so long, I'm just so tired of doing it.

Why did WH have to do this to us?

Sorry for the pity party, just very down right now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Hey Catgirl... I know how you feel hon.... Try and focus on making new memories with the children, your family or friends this year. What about hosting a party at your home for friends, co-workers or volunteering somewhere with the children to show them about giving. Get a new Christmas tree and ornaments and put the others in storage or sell. Get photos made of you and the children together.

Wow I know this is so hard and I am trying to practice what I preach but it is so difficult and I am there with you.

God bless,

{{{Catgirl}}}

I really feel for you. This year, I won't have my kids with me on Christmas day - they will be with their dad and OW at my exIL's.

I have them 'New Year' week instead. So we are having a second Christmas party with my parents then.

I don't think I'll be doing anything special on Christmas day - seems pointless without the children here.

Alph.

Thanks. I'm trying to do things a bit differently this year. Decorated our house on the outside. Never did that before.

Just so not fair to these kids to have to go through Christmas morning with their father not here to see them open up their gifts from Santa. All because he couldn't keep his pants zipped!

I wanted to have a party, but most of our friends are joint friends. They still associate with WH. It would be too uncomfortable for me. I have no real family here.

As I said I will fake it till I make it I guess.

I know I'm just feeling sorry for myself. Christmas was always my favorite holiday. I know I have to do things for me etc., but I just don't have the energy.

I am in plan B, but so want to break it just to see him for the holidays.

Why can't he see the he** he's put us through? He has no remorse whatsoever. Still hasn't admitted he's even in an A! When will it hit him? If ever? I think he and OW will be together forever!

Same here. I'm passed the point of wanting him back, but I can't help but long for happier times - like the two of us watching the kids open their presents together.

Like your WH, my ex has no remorse whatsoever. In his eyes, he's done nothing wrong at all.

I'll be thinking of you at Christmas!

Alph.

I'm not sure I want him back either. Some days I do, some I don't. I think I just want him back so the kids have their father living with them as a family.

How could he justify living with OW, we aren't D'd yet? He says they are only roomates. He won't admit to A. Still is it appropariate for a M man to live with a woman "roomate"?

I don't know how I would ever handle the kids being with the OW. Right now there is a court order that she cannot be in the presence of them, but who knows if that will change after the D?

I'd like to hear from FWS's if the holidays made them realize what they were missing from their family, or they totally blocked it out because they were happy with their new life and OP?

I doubt WH will care he isn't here for Christmas. He wasn't much for holidays.

[[[[catgirl]]]] cyberhugs to you and your children....

Well catgirl,
here we are, holidays upon us. What to do? Do what you would usually do. Do you have the kids Christmas Eve? Christmas Eve, Eve? You can always have a small moment for yourselves, open one small gift--that you tell the kids is from you, not Santa of course. Enjoy some favorite dessert together, or movie, or something very special.

I don't know if I will ever be with WH again, nor if I WANT to, but I do miss my Husband. I don't need a special occassion to feel that loss. Remember, you will miss your children, your family on Christmas, AND on the flipside, they will miss you, so give to them whatever you can BEFORE Christmas to make the season BRIGHT!

(((((catgirl))))) Arms around you saying everything is going to be alright.

Catgirl...if this will the FIRST holiday without S...EXPECT it to be difficult....then you can be pleasantly surprised when it's not as bad....there will be killer 'moments'... particularly because during the holiday season we being bombarded by 'triggers' left and right.... make sure you DO things JUST for you to compensate for it.....

...look at the bright side, Catgirl....concerning Santa's margin of error on your stocking...it will be reduced to 'zero' since you will be his 'helper' on it... I would take advantage of it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />



Catgirl...I know the temptation is there to do it....please don't....if you want WS to take you seriously!

...as a BS, we are looking to relive the happy times of the PAST..... unfortunately, the reality of the PRESENT would be very disappointing!

.....I am going to look for your thread and see what's up in your situation.

....I noticed that there are a few recent PLAN Bers.... and the holiday season can be very tempting to break PLAN B.... I would advise against it.... it will suck...but it's 'survivable'....and it will get better.....

...sorry for not 'sugarcoating' my comments...

...let me know if you find me too upfront for your taste...will adjust!

((((((((((((((((CATGIRL)))))))))))))))

Silent,

I have the kids for the holidays. They live with me. WH has own apt. with OW. He hasn't mentioned any sort of visitation over the holidays. I doubt very much that he would take them. He didn't even see them for Thanksgiving. Just called.

There is a court order to keep OW away from kids, so he knows kids can't be with him during the holiday. I'm sure he will choose to spend that time with her than his own kids, even though she does not celebrate Christmas.


Luna,

No I am not easily offended. Say what you like. I love your rationale about the stocking. Yes there will definitely be things in there that I like!

So you don't have to go looking...

WH left us 7 mos. ago as a trial separation to see if we could work on things. We were in counseling a few times prior. OW moved in with him a short while later.

She is 17 years younger. Her D was final last month.

I filed for D 5 mos. ago. Some days I still regret it. Mostly for the kids sake. I think I was too hasty, but at the time I did what I needed to do for financial reasons.

I haven't been in the best plan B. Hard for me as we have kids and there is no one to go as an intermediary for visits. Friends don't want to "get involved".

WH has not admitted A. Says nothing is going on, they are roomates. I have evidence of a PA.

Exposed to everyone I knew. Had no impact whatsoever. I think it brought them closer. WH's family is welcoming OW from what I hear. They never liked me anyway.

I truly believe WH is loving the single life. Has things we don't have here, big screen TV etc. I doubt if he will ever want to come back. He just signed a long term lease on his apt. with OW on it.

He has had many opportunities to come back, in me telling him we can try again. Did not take me up on it.


The saga continues...

Hey Catgirl,

Well, I suppose it is a good thing that you have the kids for the holiday; Since it is you and the kids who enjoy Christmas the most, then enjoy it. You may be surprised at how much fun you have if you just live one day at a time. I totally understand where you are coming from, and I wish that I had some reassuring words.

I'm beginning to grasp the thought of never being with WH again, never getting to see his metamorphasis into my husband again. There have been no attempts on WH's part to contact me, so i don't see us getting back together. I've noticed that my dreams have turned from WH doing careless, mean, or downright evil things to me, to the newer dreams where WH comes home, but I don't enforce my boundaries right away, and he begins to repeat the same pattern we were in before. Frankly, I'll take him chasing me down an unlit street toward ever impending doom to the reality of WH railroading me in our M again.

All that being said, rejoice in the fact that you have the best thing of all, your children at Christmas time.

Catgirl,

I am feeling the same way. All these holidays are coming up and it will be the first time for all of them without him. It seems so hard but hugs to you and all the others reading this feeling the same way. It sucks, but if we focus on our kids, it can't go wrong. I am just dreading "sharing" my kids for the holidays like I did for Thanksgiving. Hope you find a way to make things new and special like the other posts have suggested!

Hi Catgirl,

I haven't been on here for quite a while. I remember you because, our situations are very similar. My WH also left 7 months ago, and I filed for divorce 5 months ago as well because of financial reasons. The divorce is nearing finalization, so probably by end of year it will be done. My WH is also living with the OW, and I feel I have done everything wrong in this situation. OW is alot older than he is, and exposure did seem to bring them closer. After exposure, they stopped hiding the fact that they were seeing each other, and seemed to feel more comfortable, almost relieved that people finally knew about, and they didn't have to hide it anymore. He almost immediately started taking my girls around OW, after divorce was filed. Now every other weekend they are at her house. And it hurts bad, but I put on a happy face, and pretend that I am just fine. The girls seem to be adjusting o.k. to this situation. She does not mistreat them. I wanted so bad for my marriage to work, but I know that it will end ultimately with the decree we are about to recieve within weeks. WH is a changed man. I do not know him. He is always bitter and angry. He angry at me, for what I don't know. Probably his guilty feelings, but I will never know I fear. I don't think that it is just me that he is agry at, but I believe that he is angry at his life, and what it has become. I have a feeling that the relationship won't last. I don't know how long it will go on though. I still love him, and I think that he knows that. He did say once in the beginning of all this, that once we were divorced, it didn't mean that we were never going to get back together again. Just one of the little things he said during all the fog and babble. Almost made me feel that I guess I am only second best compared to OW. All the alien talk on this sight, is so so true. Because my husband is gone. He showed remorse one time, he called me on the phone, to confess to the affair, not fully confess, just giving me the story that he wanted me to believe. He cried briefly. Said that he would always be there for me and will always be my friend. But I knew the reality of it all. I still love him, but I don't know that I would want to be with him again, if reconcilliation was attempted by him after the divorce.

I know what you mean my faking it. I have been doing it for some time now too. I felt so strong the last month and a half or so, but with the holidays upon us, it is hard to be in this new situation. But all you can do is your best, to make it good for the kids. Stay strong, we will get through the holidays just like we got through the last 7 months.

Mandy

Just a totally off the wall idea, but maybe one that might make Christmas stocking gifts a real surprise and also start a new tradition at the same time for those of you who are parenting sort-of-on-your-own (I don't really know how to cover all the bases here!).

Why not team up with a girlfriend who is also on her own, and agree to fill each other's stockings? Agree on an amount to spend, exchange ideas on what you might like to see in that stocking, and give each other favorite colors, sizes, etc. If your budgets don't match up, maybe you could give each other the actual money to do it, the empty stocking, and agree to fill them and meet to exchange it at a certain date/time. If you know of a group, it could even be a reason for a party.

Just kicking around an idea to make something so hard into something much better. Could work.

SB

Thanks for the summary, Catgirl...how many kids and how old?

Well...if you look at my signature....(never thought I COULD do it!)...but I have been in PLAN B for over a year...and it will be my second holiday season...and D-day was over the holiday season...and I CAN confirm the fact that it does get better..just hang in there (all of you)! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

...also...try not to think too far ahead...stay in the present...would you have ever guessed a year ago you would be where you are TODAY? ...same thing... a year from now....you don't know....it's not very reassuring... I know...because one would like TO KNOW....but...that's life! (boy....that's a lot of KNOWs for someone who doesn't really KNOW!...LOL!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hey Catgirl,

I caught this from your post to Not2late




How long have you been on AD's? They do take some time to build up. Also, if you've been on for a long time, it may be time for a visit to the doc, to check you out, maybe up the dose, maybe change to a better MED. Keep surviving for those kids, you WILL get better. Also, on a little personal note, when I reach the point of about a week before my cycle begins (period cycle); I sort of lose my mind; I became very depressed these last two cycles, and felt in despair; it really was horrible. Are you suffering symptoms of PMS? It can really throw your emotions around! This is not a judgment call, either, I'm just checking to see if this FLUX in emotions is temporary. If it is not, talk to IC about it. You ARE going to be okay again, never the same, but fine anyway...

Hi Catgirl,

How are you?

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring not even a mouse - Catgirl caught it!!!!

Did you smile a little????

Yes I did smile, thanks, I needed that.

I'm doing shi**y. These last few days I just can't stop crying. I'm crying as I'm typing this! I heard a song in the mall today that reminded me of WH and myself and I started crying! Right in the middle of the store! This lady looked at me like I was nuts, and I had to make an excuse that my contact was irritating me. I don't even wear contacts!!!

I've been on AD's now for 9 months. Going to see my Dr. on Friday. Maybe I need another kind. This is my second kind already. I think I'm already at the strongest I can go with this one.

Just feeling really sorry for myself. Why did this happen? This wasn't my plan. I was supposed to beat the odds and not divorce like everyone else. Was I that bad of a wife that I deserve this? Could I have prevented it by being better...blah, blah, blah. I know WH owns the A, but I must have done something to make him wander!

If I knew this A with OW wouldn't last, I would feel much better. Sick huh? Right now I'm at the revenge stage and want him to feel my pain. I wish he gets dumped like a piece of trash like he did to me!


Sorry. I know alot of you have it so much worse than I do. But I've just had enough and can't take it anymore.

Maybre if he showed remorse, or was sorry, I would feel better. But nothing. Still says they are just roomies.

I know eveyone says it gets better in time. When? I just don't see it.

Thanks for listening.


Cat

I think most of us BS can identify with where you are. I know that my son and I went Christmas shopping the other night and it brought back memories of last Christmas when I thought we were just facing marital troubles. I didn't know she was having an affair and had been for about 3 months. She and I went Christmas shopping, spent the night at a hotel, had a romantic dinner but I knew something wasn't right and unfortunately less than 3 weeks later I would learn that my instincts were correct.

So this time of year is particularly hard with families out shopping, dining, playing and attending events together. I really feel for you and for us, the BS. I have D-day anniversary (1 year) coming up Jan. 4th that I dread. My WW is my EX WW now but it still hurts. I cry at the thoughts of what she has done to our life and more importantly the kids lives with her selfisness and entitlement and irrational and stupid decision making to be with a serial cheating, old man whose own family has now disowned him.

Oh well, we will get through this, someway, somehow.

God bless,