Hello everyone. I am new to the site, I have been reading the posts and have decided to chime in as well.

I found out about my H's A a little over one month ago. OW is pregnant and swears on her life its H's. I found out through listening to my H's voicemails and contacting OW. Needless to say, I was shocked, devastated, furious, etc. so I kicked H out and told him we are getting divorced. I have gone to IC for a few weeks and now I don't know if divorce is the right path. H has not asked to come home or to reconcile. We have no children together, he has one D from a previous relationship. I love H so much and can't imagine my life w/out him but everyone tells me to just leave him and move on especially b/c we have no children together. I just don't know if I should even try to fight for my marriage even if he won't or if I should just accept what has happened and move on. Has any BS out there made the first steps to rebuilding or did all the WS ask to work it out?

I'm so confused...

Hi Broken,

My name is Carolyn. My H (Fiance at the time) got OW pregnant too. I am now the proud step mother of a 3.5 year old girl. We didnt have any children together when all of this happened either and i too wondered if i should just walk away. in the end i didnt. i decided i had invested too much to walk away without trying to see if we could make it work. It is very easy for people to tell you to move on. Most people cant imagine facing this situation or imagine a way to recover from it and that is where their advice comes from.

It possible though, to rebuild your life and marriage after d-day. There are many on this site and others that are living proof of it. Not all wayward spouses come to the betrayed asking to reconcile on d-day. Some have to be coaxed into it.

I am told by one former wayward spouse that when his wife told him she wanted to try and work it out after finding out about the OC he was thrown for an absolute loop and never expected it in a million years. It made him reassess her and their marriage. I am happy to say that from what i have seen they are well on the way to recovery.

A couple of questions for you. Where is your H staying since you threw him out? Have you had any contact with him since then?

Keep posting and read every thing you can on this site. Plan A, plan B, emotional needs etc. they will all help you understand what might have gone wrong in your marriage and work out ways to fix it, if that is what you want to do.
Also, feel free to visit the address in my signiture. There are a lot of us there in the same boat.

lots of love

Carolyn

If I had NO children with my EX and I had caught her in an affair......I would have divorced her. That is just me though. Anyhow, what you do is up to you.....but think about it......do you want two OC and their mothers in your life from now on??? One OC is not good, but two??? I dont know.....you really should pray about whether to cut your loses or stay and make it work. I would be gone personally.

SO, where do you get two OC's from?

She said her H has a child from a previous marriage......so basically he will have two children from two different women, and not his current wife. To me that is alot of drama to put up with from now on. Especially if they have no children together......personally, I would cut my loses and move on. If she does decide to stay.....Boy, would I really try and NOT get pregnant. That would be even more drama......kids by 3 diff. women. Whew......Good luck, and god bless you.

Hi Carolyn,

My H has been staying with family and friends since our separation. We have had contact, mostly via phone and a few times in person. He has stayed at home a couple times since our separation and we have acted like everything is fine. Probably not the best idea, I know.

I am just really fighting with myself b/c everything inside of me tells me to fight for him and our marriage and I feel like no one understands how I can love a man who would do this to me or why I would even consider being with him after all this. Just like Startinover said, cut your losses and move on. That seems impossible.

broken, if you want to save your M then get to work. Click on the link in my sig line and read. Get the book "Surviving An Affair" by Harley or "Torn Assunder" by Dave Carder or "After the Affair" by Janis Abrams. All very good books.