Does anyone struggle with intamcy after discovering spouses affair or in my case one night stand? I fear of him thinking about someone else during inercourse, is this a normal part of recovery? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

that is always a concern.... but it is a normal part of recovery.
Make sure that he is tested for EVERY possible STD before having sex with him again.

I can't imagine this NOT being a normal part of recovery...it sucks. They did something with someone else that they promised they would only do with us. It's the most intimate act any two people can do together....we all struggle with it, intensely. I know I do.

Just this weekend it happened ~ had a good time together <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />, and then afterwards I was just "deep in thought" (his words)....yeah, I guess I was. How could I NOT be? It hurts like he** to think that he did that with someone else. And really, "hurts like he**" doesn't even come close to really describing it, but it's the best I can come up with right now.

As far as SF goes, I do it anyways ~ I mean, I want to....it's not that I don't (SF ties for my #1 EN)...and as I told my H this weekend, I would feel so much worse if we weren't doing it at all ~ like giving all this power to OW...like because she's such a tramp, we're going to stop having sex?!?!?! Never. And actually, our sex life has always been really, really good. I think it's getting even better now....

How's THAT for payback to OW? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

~MF

Even a year and a half after DDay, I am still often disturbed by horrible thoughts of my FWH having sex with OW. It drives me to despair, rage, sadness or feeling downright destructive!

Thanks everyone, I'm glad I'm not the only one feeling this. I always have been bothered by this through out our whole marriage because of his past, but I never said anything. I would ask him what he's thinking, but I never said anything bothered me, like I felt like there were other people around us, ever since finding out though about his ONS, it REALLY bothers, and it's not just HER I worry he's thinking about, anyone, someone on tv or someone he saw that day, I don't know. My H ons was 15 yrs ago, I found out 6 mo. ago. But I have been struck with severe jealousy and insecurity issues.
Just like you MF a lot of times after sex I feel distant, I cry alot I try to not let him see. It has gotten slightly better, like you I want to continue SF with him. Hopefully with time it will get better. I just don't like the thought that he could be thinking about someone else.

Intamcy seems harder for me too after I have had a trigger, I hate the triggers, I have to live around them. He doesn't say much except I love you when I have them is that enough, I often wonder, it bothers me he doesn't say more, I guess i'm expecting too much. He says he doesn't know what else to say. It makes me feel like he doesn't care how I'm feeling, I realize it was 15 yrs ago for him, he needs to see it seems like yesterday for me. Thanks again