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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 852
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OP
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 852 |
Last wk I found out about my WH's second A which has been going on since June and is quite involved. OW's husband called me- WH had turned off our home answering machine and unplugged the jack in my bedroom phone but I still was able to call OW's H from the caller ID. WH admitted the affair to me after the phone thing and said it was because I had never gotten over his first one 5 yrs ago. All I said to him was that "I'm done." I didn't cry and beg and plead with him like when I found out about his last affair. He didn't say anything about his wanting to end the A or reconcile. In fact- OW moved into an apt closer to where we live. However- over Thanksgiving break he went all out being extra helpful and nice to me- calling me by my old nickname, doing the cooking- he can't cook! burned stuff in the oven! and was super atentive with the kids. Why would he suddenly do an about face like this? Any ideas? I hired an attorney right after I found out about his second A and then the next day I came down with the flu which I am still recovering from. ( I had a flu shot a month ago and STILL my immune system completely crashed!) Does he really think I would consider taking him back after ANOTHER very involved EA/PA? lifeismessy
me BS-age 44 STBX- age 48
M 20 yrs, 3 kids ages 10, 15, 20
H had intense EA/PA with single coworker
D-day 2-14-01--Separated for 2 mo. H filed for divorce in April 01, then he cancelled it
Second affair another affair with a married coworker- D-day 11-20-06
Filed for divorce right after second d-day
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 750
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 750 |
I can only think of two motivations for this:
1. He doesn't really want to lose you so he is trying to "persuade" you to re-think leaving or divorcing him; while at the same time he isn't ready to commit to stopping his affair.
OR
2. He wants to soften you up so you don't take him to the cleaners when you file.
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Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 3,474
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Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 3,474 |
Whatever the reason, any man who justifies a second affair because you didn't get over the first one is not on a path to marital recovery. In five years, you'll be blamed for the third affair because you never got over the first two.
At minimum, set a period of separate households to give him time to think about what he has justified.
Respectful
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,398
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,398 |
He is just trying to smooth things over period.
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906 |
So what is your plan..
is he moving out
or
are you?
Plan B...?
Plan D...?
I and the kids would have been gone the day I found out....
ARK
Last edited by ark^^; 11/28/06 09:46 AM.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,140
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,140 |
Because his #1 goal in life remains having both a wife and a girlfriend, and he's still hoping he can somehow push/guilt/bully/bribe you into going along with that.
That's why.
Mulan
Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
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