This whole idea of dating after divorce before one is healed is interesting to me. I certainly agree that some healing is necessary before plunging into another romantic relationship. But, I also think that we reach a point where a good relationship speeds the emotional healing process, just as physical therapy can speed the healing of our joints. There are times when we can use help, and a good relationship, that restores our faith in others, our feelings of humanity can be a big help.

What do you think?

On this I would have to agree with you. A relationship can help on the healing process. But, getting into the "wrong" type of relationship will cause more damage then good. Guess we just need to be very careful about who we date.

I agree in theory..........relationships can help the healing process.

I think it takes a couple relationships and time to fully heal though. You have to have the rebound (pity the recipient), then IMO a couple casual relationships for your heart and soul to learn the ropes again before a serious one.

I guess my question to you hang, is when do you know that you are fully healed. And does that really happen? I do hope so. For me, I know that when I can forgive my ex, I will be healed. Just don't know when I will or ever get to that point.

My father told me this years ago....."The best way to get over someone is to find someone else" LOL..........*shrugs*

startinOver: you father was very wise :>)

Personally, I think that using someone else for healing is not a healthy way to go about re-entering relationships.Yes Physical Therapists do help us with our mobility limitations,etc.However,that is very different.There is an expectation of an end once therapy is complete.The analogy doesn't quite sit well with me.

And I think you run the risk of hurting other's if you are not fully healed and are looking for someone to help you to feel better.Isn't that what cheaters do?

No.I think that unless you are healed enough to feel good about dating again,there are no emotional attachments left from the marriage(as much as can be resolved),you are financially stable,mentally stable,capable of being on your own and feeling good about that,etc,you are at risk for consciously or subconsciously using another to fill voids that should be addressed beforehand.No other person should be responsible for ones happiness.It should be the icing on the cake of your life,not the core.

It's my opinion that that is one reason why so many marriages fail: that people are expecting too much of the other that is not reality.You have to ask yourself what you are bringing to the relationship: a happy,healthy,self assured and confident person who's independent or a needy,unsure,fearful and problem plagued individual who's problems will affect and become part of the relationship? I would want to bring the best of me to any relationship,not have a bag full of issues that I hoped would get better with a man on my arm.That wouldn't be the best course for me and certainly would not be fair to him either.

If I need a boost it will come from a trusted friend or family member who knows me best.At least for now.

I agree with AB - I am currently in a 'rebound' relationship which felt great when it first started but has now, I think, virtually run its course for me.

He is far too full on - he wants to live together/marry, and I am so not ready for that - I've only been divorced five months!

I also don't want to put my kids through any more hassle with the 'step-parent' thing - they're going through enough of that with ex and ow.

Once the first rush of the relationship wore off, I knew I was very far from being over the fallout of the divorce. It's going to take a long time for me, and I need to be alone to do it.

Alph.

Yes AB, you make a very good point. Wonder if that's why I feel like; Yes, I want to date, no I want to wait, yes, I want to date, no I want to wait. God, Talk about roller coaster.click.click.click.click.click.. \_/ weeeeee!!!

Yes you make a very good point!

Stay strong sag...stay strong! lol

You just joined us here as of last month unless you've been lurking much longer as some do.IMO,you defnitely need some time alone as you are barely out of ending the most recent "union",shall we say? And it sounds like there's no guarantee yet that it's truly over.

Or is it...? hmmm

Yes, AB it's over and Thank God for that! No she will never be a part of my life again and (sad, sad!) possibly my children's life... This is not (concerning our children, but I done, finished and done with her) what I want! But that's another issue.



Yes, having access to a computer 27/7 gave me a lot of time on MB. So I am learning sooo much. I know that MB will be a part of my life and (God I hope) part of my future SO's life as well. This is a great place for information dealing with pass and future relationships. Looking forward to a long relationship with MB!!!

Yeah I love MB.It's been my rock through so much over the past few years.I don't agree 100% with all of Dr.Harley's suggestions but I think there are plenty of great principles that I do agree with.

If that "special someone" is a SO because you truly care for them, then of course it is good for you. If it is just someone to transfer your emotions to, then no, I don't think it is good.

For me, feeling ok about dating came when I felt happier about my situation, to include children, work, home, and dating, than I felt angry or resentful towards the ex, then I knew I was in a good situation.

Now, it brings a smile, and an overall good feeling to me when I realize that the ex's situation doesn't affect my emotions one way or another, because I am too pre-occupied and happy with my own life.

The Serentity Prayer has been so valuable to me in so many phases of my life over the past few years.

Your local humane association, animal control facility, or animal rescue group can help you find someone to love you unconditionally.

Like AB said, friends and family are our best bet for support till we get over the most difficult phase. No need to rush into another relationship. They always feel good in the beginning anyways!

I prefer to wait so I can be myself again, and the receipient gets a happy, independent, more matured me. And for me, I hope to be able to make better judgement and be more selective in my next relationships!

I love this quote, Cinderella. I only wish I had this to tell my STBX husband when he didn't want to go to marriage counseling because of the cost. We didn;t go....he left...and now he has "invested" in a lawyer to end the marriage! Surely, counseling would have been "cheaper", if it only boiled down to dollars and sense (although personally, I am sure the counseling would have helped our relationship...)