Yes, ladies all the good men are right here, waiting for you to notice them. We aren't running about with signs, shouting about how great we are from the roof tops, or showing off at the ball park. We are at home, at work, at the park, at the theater, at the restaurant, quietly living our lives, looking for you.

But, often you don't see us. Instead you see the baggage of your last relationship that you force us to carry. You see your own prejudices that you cover us with. You often refuse to look where we are, but rather look in the other direction where the bad boys are making a racket to get your attention.

Open your eyes. We are out there.

Hey, Hey auto009988. Yes, we are living our lifes. Rising our children. Working our jobs. Hoping each day that we will meet that special woman! As single parents our time is taxed. But we try to take time out looking for our next relationship.

In my 20s I wasn't interested in the "good guys" they seemed boring to me. At about 30 I looked around wondering where they all went... as I was thinking it was time to settle down. I settled down with an "exciting" man and an "exciting" marriage I had, filled with what bad boys do, criticize, refuse to grow up, cheat, lie, drink, hang out with alcoholic buddies, the works.

If I ever finish this divorce, I've been separated two years I'll be looking in different places for a "nice guy." You are right, they aren't the slick ones like my ex with the flowers, the letters all the right lines. They are likely more like my single brother who isn't even hanging out at the "right" places to meet someone. I wonder sometimes how a nice girl will ever meet him.

But baggage? Any woman OR man having been divorced is going to carry baggage. I don't see how one can move on without some, even following the principles of forgiveness, especially having gone through ****** in a marriage. I met a single man complaining the other day that women he dated kept him at a distance wanting to be "friends." Stats say women are much less willing to get married after a divorce then men, we are different, men seem to quickly move on and us women do dwell more and perhaps carry our wounds on our sleeves. Many of us have been not only through bad marriages, we've been through abuse (most of the abuse that goes on is towards women of all ages, income levels). We are walking wounded so you can't expect us to just "trust" you because you "say" you are a nice guy.

I don't think most divorced women are looking for bad men - sure they are easier and more visible. Perhaps you need to learn a few tricks from the so called bad boys on how to meet women, go out to the places we might be, learn a few lines - if you don't chase us a bit we just might not see you. We are busy, most of us have kids, we don't get out a lot. If you think after all we've been through that we are going to rush into love blindly you are wrong. Be our friend, care, show us you aren't like "them."

Personally I don't think there are many "good men" out there, most are married, or the nice ones are themselves wounded and hurting too. But there has to be as many "good men" as "good women" you'd think....

horsey2: No thanks about learning from the bad boys. I know a few and how any women would want to date them is Beyond my understanding. The way these “boys” talk about you people is degrading and pitiful. But the same goes for the bad “girls” I guess? I don't go to bars so I guess I will not be meeting girls there. I don't go to strip joints so I guess I won't be meeting her there. Oh well, my lost!

"If you think after all we've been through that we are going to rush into love blindly you are wrong. Be our friend, care, show us you aren't like "them." this quote from you I like! And yes, I agree I would be wrong.

"We are walking wounded so you can't expect us to just "trust" you because you "say" you are a nice guy." No, I will not tell you I am a nice guy, but I will show you. Actions speak louder then words!

You have some very good points and thank you for them.

I mean learn a few techniques that good guys don't understand much about. The flowers, letters, calling a woman, making her feel good - that's what bad boys perfect and why they get what they want. I suppose I stole this idea from an article I read once. I have three "nice" brothers, two of them are married. One finally just married, I guess he thought he was going to "magically" meet a wowman on the streets, he never went out - and the bad boys, they are "out." He met a wonderful Christian girl on eharmony, he was mad that I suggested it and apparently that same winter he posted something on there. He's so happy now. My other brother has no chance she he doesn't leave the house, he sits around moping, he's weathly and has decided women are gold diggers. He hasn't learned any techniques or skills by which to meet and court women. I don't think he really knows how to talk to them, it's sort of sad. Somehow he'd make a decent husband although he's quirky, but he wouldn't be exciting.

Yes, actions speak louder then words. If you are out dating in this world where we are all out walking wounded - with the high divorce rate you are going to find people with fairly high defenses, and there are reasons for that. You don't need to go around telling women you are the "nice guy." It's a bit like a criminal saying "I didn't do it." Just try to enjoy meeting people, don't take it so seriously, if you see women out there that are very, very defensive and you are taking it slow, then move on. True, hurting people will hurt others - and yes they'll take out on you what happened in their previous relationship if they didn't heal and give themselves space. Stay away from women like me who are separated or going through a divorce, shrinks have a a term for it and I can't remember what it is - but until there is time and space "you" are going to be the one they'll dump their garbage on. You don't want that, it's true.

I think Dr. Phi's book about dating is really good. Go get a copy of it. He has some great suggestions of how to meet people in non-traditional places like bars. If you go to bars likely you'll meet the types that are drinking their pain away. What are your hobbies? Books? Go to bookstores. Exercise? Health clubs. God? Church and singles groups. Single parent? Parents without partners clubs. Hiking? Hiking groups. I believe in Dr. Phil's book - although I'm not dating ready and didn't buy it - he has you make lists with ideas. You aren't going to meet someone overnight, and if it's a good relationship it's not likely going to be intant either. Having gone through an insane marriage, I can tell you there must be MANY women like me "thinking" we'd like to meet a nice guy, without a lot of time to meet one, without having places to go to even meet them...

I think many recently divorced guys want to get into a new relationship quickly, thus the high rate of second marriages. Guys don't like being alone, us women, we have our kids, friends, family and more of a network. Don't jump into anything just to be in a relationship - and if you see baggage, it's true there's time's you ought to run like ******. Don't let someone take their problems out on you...

I couldn't agree with you more! But I am a man and don't want to jump into a relationship. I will take my time in dating and relationships. I do believe in love at first sight. But relationships should still take time. When I see someone jumping into a relationship, it show me that person has very shallow emotions, and that can be a very scary thing for the other person.

Personally I hope that good guys are really out there auto.I have some trepidation about dating again for sure but I am also very hopeful.I am thinking next spring or summer will be a nice time to put myself out there again and try.

I am very afraid of getting hurt but the thing with me is I don't "fall in love" right away.It develops over a long period as I become more secure and sense the trust,love and honesty growing.So,if a guy is not what I want in a partner then I might not get hurt too bad if we break up in the first many months,etc.

I have been dealing with and healing from my ex's A and the D for a few years now and I am officially D'd,I'm financially stable,have a beautiful home,no baggage,feel emotionally healthy,etc.And I have done what I think is a great job of putting my kids first,getting us all through this tough time from the A and D.It's high time I gave myself permission to go have some fun too.I feel like I have a lot to offer someone so it shouldn't go to waste! lol

You give us hope AmericanB, Thanks! But I hope in about a year for me. I sometimes can't believe how far I have come so soon. But then again I am a survivor! That in it's self is a long story.... But thanks again!

yes, there are some good men, right here on MB!!!! how do you think i met gekko???? ;-)

(on the after divorce board of course, don't get any wrong ideas!)

mlhb

What seems often missed is the simple fact we live in a universe of cause & effect. Except for the occasional random incidents (caused by the selfish bad choices of others usually) by & large what results we get in our lives comes directly from the choices & inputs we make.

Therefore, I believe that when it comes to meeting & creating a relationship with a truly good person, what behooves us all is to BECOME more & more each day a truly good person!!! That in itself involves putting ourselves in the right places at the right times doing the right things.

Church! Civic activities that matter. Small groups that care. Volunteering that makes a difference. Involvement with our kids & their worlds as a parent who truly cares & guides. Continuing education that creates a better world of thoughts & actions. Etc.

These are just some of the sorts of activities & choices that will end up putting us in the right place at the right time doing the right things.

THAT is the appropriate context of the where and when and how a human being meets another human being of quality, lasting potential, and true compatibility.

And then for me - a person of Faith - there is the added & most important & final dimension: I believe that God created all of us. And I believe that our Divine Creator has a perfect plan for our lives (yes! even after tragedy). If I partner with Him in a relationship of trust & faith, then I'm absolutely convinced He Himself will personally guide me to the person I'm best suited for & her for me!! This is an awesomely comforting, liberating, worry-destroying, frantic searching terminating ... just peaceful place to live!!!

Nothing beats relying on THE ONE who is in charge!!!!

God bless each one in your life journey,
High Flight