Eph,

I wouldn't just go on the advice of the lawyer. The lawyer is responsible with protecting your legal rights, but not necessarily saving your marriage. I would consult with some of the posters here or Steve Harley before making any decisions. Not cutting her off may protect you better for future divorce proceedings, but may hurt your chances for marital recovery. I would also demand that my children be brought home. Sometimes you need to get tough with a WW. Don't show them any signs of weakness.

Eph,

Who is in the family home? Do you or are you currently getting at least 50/50% custody of the children? If so, then why in the ****** are you paying CS or alimony to a cheating, adulterous WW? What state do you live in?

He moved back into the home. His WW then left and took the kids back to her mother's house. Custody has not been arranged. I have told him to cut her off even though the lawyer has advised him against it. He lives in SC.

I cannot imagine SC requiring a man who should have 50/50 custody at a minimum or should be in court TOMORROW!!!! getting it to pay alimony to a cheating WW. Come on....

Go and get 50/50 minimum, or get a court date or get a new lawyer. Don't pay her to have an affair and pay no child support as you are in the family home, will have the children 50/50 and she is welcome to come home and be a wife and mother instead of an adulterous wife.

Quick update:

Met with IC today - I am developing a plan to get the kids back ASAP. Trying to come up with anti-fog speak responses so I will be prepared.

I took some "me" time and went to visit a childhood friend if mine in Winston-Salem. NC. We have kept in touch off and on over the years but he is a great Christian brother. It was good to get away.

WW called me this morning to let me speak with the kids (after 4 days of not being able to speak with them). She said not to say anything to them about visiting or seeign them. It breaks my heart and pisses me off to know she is keeping the kids away from me all because I made the decision to come back to the family house even though she does not want me here.

It is so great to read other people's success stories here, and I long to be in that same position sooner than later like a lot of other BSes here. Being alone sucks, the holidays suck, everything sucks right now.

I have changed my prayer from "God restore my marriage" to "God, give me a new marriage. The old one is not what I want anymore."

Eph,

What are you and your lawyer doing about getting a hearing or whatever it takes to get 50/50 custody (at a minimum) right now? Also, are you or are you not paying her to have her affair? Also, what is being done to see that OM is never around your children and that they are not exposed to the affair and its nonsense and immoral implications?

Please update us and God bless.

hopeandpray,

Lawyer said we could not even get a hearing this year. I am not paying her any money, I have removed her from all credit cards, destroyed them, and I have her ATM card to our joint account. I keep the balance low. I want to be able to give her something for the kids. I have asked her about transferring money to her account but she will not call me back to acknowledge this.

OK, about keeping OM away I cannot do anything about that right now since she is 1 hr away at her mom's. I exposed the A to her mom but she does not want to hear about it. My assumption is WW is keeping the affair going with her cell phone she got from OM and her laptop which I assume came from him also.

So your wife is being allowed to keep your own children away from you for Christmas??? WOW! Why would you tolerate this?

Eph,

You lawyer is working hard enough for you! Has he contacted your WW or her lawyer to let them know that there will be ****** to pay if she witholds the children from you? Has he made threats to her lawyer that he intends to keep in court? Does she leave the children at day care or in the care of someone else in the family and if so why can't you simply go and get them. YOU ARE THEIR FATHER AND NO ONE CAN STOP YOU FROM TAKING THEM JUST LIKE SHE HAS UNLESS THERE IS A COURT ORDER. What does your attorney say about this strategy? When can an EMERGENCY hearing be gotten. Normally within a week's time at the latest.

Don't play fair, she isn't and get your attorney's butt in gear or get another one.

I agree, Eph. I've said it before and I'll say it again. You need to find another attorney who is more of a bulldog and willing to fight for you. Your attorney seems to just go through the motions. You need your children home for Christmas Eve and Christmas. Let your WW know that it isn't an option as to whether or not they spend the holidays with you.

Unlike my WW, I am trying to be sensitive to how my kids are being impacted by this. It's becoming painfully clear that not doing what is in their best interests (i.e. having them home) is impacting them worse. She is the one using them as pawns.

I would tell your lawyer that your kids are spending Christmas at home with you (and possibly your WW as well). Tell him that is not an option, it is a fact. I would then ask him the least legally damaging way to accomplish that.

ML,

I have to say that somtimes when I first read your posts I take what you say personal, but I know you are one of the pros here and have been through this and only seek to help me. For that I am thankful. Keep kicking me in the tail - I need it.

Unfortunately...nearly all family courts are closed for the holidays. This is not an emergency situation to them.

Unless Eph gets in the reciprocating kidnapping game...he is SOL right now. Just keep calling and emailing to document HER INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR.

Mr. Wondering

Well it's Christmas Eve and I have not seen my WW or kids in a week. The house is emtpy and alone without them. I feel like I am going crazy!! I want to call WW and let fly with the anger that is stored within me, but I know that won't do any good. I don't know how much longer I can do this. I feel like I want to give up, but I know that pressing on is the only way. I want to be able to say I did everything, tried everything, I could to make this work.

If she is not here in the house, I guess I am only left with carrying out plan A via the phone and letters in the mail. Anyone else have some ideas for me?

This is ridiculous. I called about seeing them tomorrow and she said they already had plans. What kind of plans do you make to prevent a father from seeing his kids on Christmas?

God give me patience to wait on you and let you do the work you need to do first. I have not given up hope. You sent a miracle on that first Christmas night so long ago - please send another one and give me a new marriage.

Eph525 -

Sorry you are having such a bad Christmas. This is my 3rd Christmas since D-day, and the worst one yet.

My son's good friend, and friend of the family was murdered by a gang member Wednesday. His parents go to our church, and are wonderful parents. We've known this kid since T-ball. His life long dream was to be a cop. He worked in a gang neighborhood, making friends with the young people. A 17 year old shot him for no reason, from a half block away.

It completely ruined Christmas, but I am so thankful that my boys are alive and well. For you, this too will pass.

You need to take care of yourself right now, because you and you alone are standing for your family. Like Bob Pure said, "It's a hero's gig".

Your wife is fogged out, but don't think for a minute that this won't hurt her in the future. One day she will be appalled at her behavior. So keep the faith, realize that the Lord is with you. This may be happening for a reason.

If you are going crazy, keep posting here. Members here check in around the holidays, because we know how hard it is to go through this alone.

Thanks for the reply. Basically MB has become my lifeline these days. Thanks to everyne for their support.

Merry Christmas to everyone. Jesus is the reason for the season.

This place was a lifeline to most of us. I didn't find MB until 3 months after D-day. Before that, I was walking around like a zombie.

Seems to me your wife is very angry, and that is why she is behaving this way. Stay calm, and work on a plan. You will have a lot of help here.

You may need to have an attorneys help to secure visitation. But I would not seek divorce. Your wife is waaaaaayyyyyyyy out there right now. But they usually come back.

Here is the post about the carrot and stick of Plan A -

The Carrot and the Stick of Plan A

The carrot of Plan A


Meeting your wandering spouse's emotional needs.

Making "home" a warm and inviting place to be.

Placing emphasis on what has worked in the marriage.

Showing consistent self improvement in areas where previously lacking.

Stop lovebusting behaviors.

Communicating with a calm reassuring voice and relaxed body language, even in the center of a verbal storm created by the infidel.

Becoming the person any reasonable spouse would want to come home to.

Remaining open to the possibility of recovery.

Offering forgiveness and understanding.



The stick of Plan A


Exposing adultery where it matters most. Exposure that takes the form of a swift and sudden unexpected tsunami of truth.

Not appologizing for exposure or speaking the truth in a kind yet direct way.

Directly communicating the hurt and devastation that the affair has caused.

Not accepting blame for the infidel's choice to become adulterous.

Let the consequences of adultery and infidelity fall freely upon the heads of the adulterous.

Establishing boundaries that disallow the affair to effect children of the marriage, financal security of the marriage, and otherwise ruin innocent bystanders.

Standing up to infidelity as a beast that must be slayed for the good of the family.